Can you be too honest with a guy? Being honest has not been working (50)
Welcome the forums, Honey. You will fit in here just fine. I was told in rehab that it is easier to set small goals that make it easier to make larger goals. Honesty is always the best policy. Locks keep honest people out of your house and make you feel secure. It is easier to be honest with honest people that you know are honest. It is easier in here to be friends with lots of people than it is to be a friend to just one sometimes. I hope you can come in here and meet new friends. Have fun and enjoy the friendship of friends. Trust levels are important. Trust can be gained in stages. Friends first in here works. I try to be a friend among friends. Fun is easier than serious.
Roy
Roy
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Oh boy, am I ever gonna get my feet wet. I can accept 100% honesty and I can dish it out as well.
I do know this, if you are not who you claim to be, it's gonna bite you in the backside sometime down the road. In my profile and posts here on the forums, they are who I am.
It could be your profile. In it you state "Everyone is an individual and I don’t believe in putting people into boxed categories. Tall men only… No bald heads need apply… Pot bellies not allowed… ect, ect, ect." And then in The Basics you put Any for Height, Body Type and Hair.
I understood what you were saying here but for some, it may be confusing.
I do know this, if you are not who you claim to be, it's gonna bite you in the backside sometime down the road. In my profile and posts here on the forums, they are who I am.
It could be your profile. In it you state "Everyone is an individual and I don’t believe in putting people into boxed categories. Tall men only… No bald heads need apply… Pot bellies not allowed… ect, ect, ect." And then in The Basics you put Any for Height, Body Type and Hair.
I understood what you were saying here but for some, it may be confusing.
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When she said that she was giving examples of what she's NOT like.
I think she was very straightforward in her expectations.
Honeyamber, you can tally one to your "snared" list :-) I'm a big fan of honesty.
I think she was very straightforward in her expectations.
Honeyamber, you can tally one to your "snared" list :-) I'm a big fan of honesty.
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Which I understood as previously stated
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try adding a picture, and maybe leave a little to the imagination. When it takes ten minutes to read your self-description, you have said too much. A little mystery never hurts. Overall, didn't sound all that bad to me. It took a while for me to find someone to talk to on here. Now I have found someone who totally rocks my mind. I'll keep my fingers crossed for me and you. Good Luck!
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Hmmmm.... (just my thoughts, keep this in mind)....
Maybe leaving what you percieve to be "flaws" out of your profile would be an option?
No, I don't mean "decieve" others....
After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and maybe you're prejudicing others without giving them an opportunity to get to know you and see you with their own perspective.
I know from experience that others see me differently than I do.
Your call.
Maybe leaving what you percieve to be "flaws" out of your profile would be an option?
No, I don't mean "decieve" others....
After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and maybe you're prejudicing others without giving them an opportunity to get to know you and see you with their own perspective.
I know from experience that others see me differently than I do.
Your call.
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Thanks you guys. I'll keep these things in mind. It's hard when you want to just let folks know things right off the bat. I don't like hiding things if I feel a person may (or not) have a slight problem with it. But then I want to be fair to myself too.
I was just wondering where to draw the line with honesty, especially early on. If men (women too) weren't so superficial. Then of course, I wouldn't say anything that could be perceived negative about myself. But since they are..... I just don't know anymore :-(
I was just wondering where to draw the line with honesty, especially early on. If men (women too) weren't so superficial. Then of course, I wouldn't say anything that could be perceived negative about myself. But since they are..... I just don't know anymore :-(
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I'm with Jax. Give just the basics and then go from there when you meet someone. After all, part of getting to know someone is learning about them as time goes by.
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i don't think you're giving men enough credit. you keep calling them superficial, but i don't think anyone is so superficial on here that you would need to include in your profile that you have strecthmarks. yes, that is something that can be saved until you meet someone or at least start talking to someone. also, i agree with 2good2b_bad. he seems like such a wise man. such an understanding man. such a loving man. maybe get a pic, shorten your profile, then leave it up to the people on here to decide whether they want to learn more about you. it's not really lying. it's just that, you wouldn't walk up to a stranger on the street and tell them you have strecthmarks. so, why do it with strangers online?
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Yes!!
Yes!!
Yes!!!
Done it !!!!!
Managed to get through "ALL"! your profile,just took one break for dinner!
Got the makings of a good novel there !
Now just waiting to see what pic. is going on the cover.!
Yes!!
Yes!!!
Done it !!!!!
Managed to get through "ALL"! your profile,just took one break for dinner!
Got the makings of a good novel there !
Now just waiting to see what pic. is going on the cover.!
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To me honesty is always the best policy,its all a matter of time,as to when and how much you tell.And to who you are telling,I am taking it that your talking of your partner or a potental partner,and getting to know someone,and the comfort zone your in,and where you want the relationship to go will help determine the time you choose to tell what you wish,always being honest,to me honesty is always the right way,with no regret for me,its all apart of who I am.
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Truth and honesty are the only way to go...doesn't make sense do be anything else...Eventually it all comes out anyway, so why put everyone through it. Just stupid.
Might think they can go with it...lol. Not forever.
Might think they can go with it...lol. Not forever.
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Thanks Everyone, I really appreciate hearing all your view, ideas and suggestions. For starters I will shorten my profile because the consensus seems to be it’s too long. Tinkerbell thinks I may not be giving men enough credit. But I give them plenty of credit and they are superficial for the most part. It doesn’t mean they are not kind and caring individuals. It simply means they are as a general rule very visual.
I can say first hand from my own personal experiences that for 9 out of 10 guys. The first question out of their mouths to me has always been “you must look great in a bikini don’t you?” Based on my particular situation, that has caused a great deal of stress and embarrassment for obvious reasons. The fact is I’ve been asked this so many times that I’ve simply resorted to mentioning it right up front. That is why I put that in my profile and am reluctant to remove it.
I can say first hand from my own personal experiences that for 9 out of 10 guys. The first question out of their mouths to me has always been “you must look great in a bikini don’t you?” Based on my particular situation, that has caused a great deal of stress and embarrassment for obvious reasons. The fact is I’ve been asked this so many times that I’ve simply resorted to mentioning it right up front. That is why I put that in my profile and am reluctant to remove it.
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e mail me i love to get to know you love brewking]
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Hrmm...
Well, if it makes you feel better... I always right novellas as well. I'm just too passionate about things when I get going... tend to get long winded. :)
Insofaras Superficial goes... yeah, you're right. Granted, it's a generalization, but something to bear in mind here, folks (on honey's defense) is that ALL OF US WOUND UP ON AN INTERNET DATING SITE FOR A REASON! And usually, it's a bad experience or two. Maybe we're fed up with people in our town... maybe we don't have TIME to REALLY date. Maybe we're tired of games playing, WHAT HAVE YOU. In any event, common sense says that the guys on a dating site looking for "true love" are NOT AVERAGE GUYS. We're the one in a hundred or so that have been softened up by bad experiences to become GOOD GUYS, or were always GOOD GUYS and THAT'S how we had the crap luck so far.
The fact is, from what I've seen, as a guy in the "pool" dating women, is that yes, men as a general rule ARE pretty superficial. Let's face it... how many guys have we seen hanging out at a bar, saw some terribly frumpy looking woman off in the corner, and immediately handed off their drink to a buddy to go chat with her, muttering "Damn, ain't she intellectually stimulating - lookin'?!" or "Boy, that girl's got a BIIIGG.... heart."
It doesn't generally happen. And yes, as a GENERALITY, there are far more women out there that will chat with a guy at a bar because he's alone and mysterious looking... and even he might not give HER the time of day, because she's not a adult film star.
But that said... the flip side of the coin, folks.
Honey... you're not at the bar. STOP SWEATING IT!!! As I mentioned, we're all on here because we're FED UP with the superficial garbage... the gamesplaying... the intolerance of this that or the other thing. I've scanned through a decent number of strands on this site, and it seems to me that the majority of men on this site are here because it's the only safe place for men with hearts that big and dreams even bigger. I somehow doubt that you're HONESTY, INTEGRITY, SELF-RESPECT... and stretchmarks, of all things (lol!) are going to be found REPULSIVE here. I would say those would be your best advertisements, actually. ;)
Honey... have a little faith. Not all the heros are dead.
And gentlemen... I take my hat off to you. Honor lives. I'm proud to see TRUE gentlemen still exist. I was concerned for my race!
At your service,
D.
Well, if it makes you feel better... I always right novellas as well. I'm just too passionate about things when I get going... tend to get long winded. :)
Insofaras Superficial goes... yeah, you're right. Granted, it's a generalization, but something to bear in mind here, folks (on honey's defense) is that ALL OF US WOUND UP ON AN INTERNET DATING SITE FOR A REASON! And usually, it's a bad experience or two. Maybe we're fed up with people in our town... maybe we don't have TIME to REALLY date. Maybe we're tired of games playing, WHAT HAVE YOU. In any event, common sense says that the guys on a dating site looking for "true love" are NOT AVERAGE GUYS. We're the one in a hundred or so that have been softened up by bad experiences to become GOOD GUYS, or were always GOOD GUYS and THAT'S how we had the crap luck so far.
The fact is, from what I've seen, as a guy in the "pool" dating women, is that yes, men as a general rule ARE pretty superficial. Let's face it... how many guys have we seen hanging out at a bar, saw some terribly frumpy looking woman off in the corner, and immediately handed off their drink to a buddy to go chat with her, muttering "Damn, ain't she intellectually stimulating - lookin'?!" or "Boy, that girl's got a BIIIGG.... heart."
It doesn't generally happen. And yes, as a GENERALITY, there are far more women out there that will chat with a guy at a bar because he's alone and mysterious looking... and even he might not give HER the time of day, because she's not a adult film star.
But that said... the flip side of the coin, folks.
Honey... you're not at the bar. STOP SWEATING IT!!! As I mentioned, we're all on here because we're FED UP with the superficial garbage... the gamesplaying... the intolerance of this that or the other thing. I've scanned through a decent number of strands on this site, and it seems to me that the majority of men on this site are here because it's the only safe place for men with hearts that big and dreams even bigger. I somehow doubt that you're HONESTY, INTEGRITY, SELF-RESPECT... and stretchmarks, of all things (lol!) are going to be found REPULSIVE here. I would say those would be your best advertisements, actually. ;)
Honey... have a little faith. Not all the heros are dead.
And gentlemen... I take my hat off to you. Honor lives. I'm proud to see TRUE gentlemen still exist. I was concerned for my race!
At your service,
D.
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HONESTY, INTEGRITY, SELF-RESPECT...
Like to see that, yes.
You have good things to say, and in real terms...Nice.
Still waiting to see what happens with all this drama in profiles...forums...
Great way to feel people and who they are...
Heros? No, none. Gonna set yourselves up if you put that myth o a pedestal...
Like to see that, yes.
You have good things to say, and in real terms...Nice.
Still waiting to see what happens with all this drama in profiles...forums...
Great way to feel people and who they are...
Heros? No, none. Gonna set yourselves up if you put that myth o a pedestal...
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Hey there. I haven't seen your profile, so I don't know what you were honest about. From what I see in your posts, you seem very cool to me. I don't have a problem with you at all. I just have a hard time talkin gto women really. They think I am trying to get them out of their cloths or something, because they rarely write back. So I feel your pain. You are cool with me though. You want a friend, you got one in me.
See ya around the forums....:D
See ya around the forums....:D
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I read your ad. The fact that shared your “unusual body composition” in such a public place got me thinking right away that: a) you think looks is mostly what men are going to be attracted to you for, and b) maybe, because you’re so focused on looks, you would expect a lot from me in that category.
But then I read the rest of your ad. My Dear, you seem very attractive... inside and out. I say that, of course, without seeing a picture... which is important, from my perspective. I’m not going to establish a connection with someone only to discover once I start getting excited about her, that she just doesn’t have the kind of look that grabs me (been there, done that... it doesn’t work, long term).
Bottom line? Besides the picture, the only thing that would keep me from finding you interesting enough to contact would be the fact that you live so far away. Poor me!
(I would lose the “body composition” thing from your profile, though. Its pretty intimate, and that kind of thing should be shared only with those who you already know care about you and respect you... just one guy’s opinion).
By the way, there are lots of people (and some men among them) who are not at all superficial. : )
But then I read the rest of your ad. My Dear, you seem very attractive... inside and out. I say that, of course, without seeing a picture... which is important, from my perspective. I’m not going to establish a connection with someone only to discover once I start getting excited about her, that she just doesn’t have the kind of look that grabs me (been there, done that... it doesn’t work, long term).
Bottom line? Besides the picture, the only thing that would keep me from finding you interesting enough to contact would be the fact that you live so far away. Poor me!
(I would lose the “body composition” thing from your profile, though. Its pretty intimate, and that kind of thing should be shared only with those who you already know care about you and respect you... just one guy’s opinion).
By the way, there are lots of people (and some men among them) who are not at all superficial. : )
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Created: Sep 2005
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Last Commented: Dec 2005
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In my particular case I was 100 percent honest in ad but no one will talk to me because of it. Now I know why women (men too) lie. Because when you’re too honest no one will even want to get to know you at all. If you say anything less then you’re very attractive then men won’t even look your way to say Hello. So now I’m totally confused? Should I just accept the fact that no (decent) guy will ever want to meet me if I tell the truth early on? Or should I be less honest in the future and then spring things on a guy once they have at least gotten to know you on some level first? I’ve always liked being above board, but now I just don’t know?