The Twenty Question "Game" (17)
i'm not one to force anyone to tell me about their problems.. but if i can tell that something is bothering someone i do offer an ear if they need to talk when and if they are ready too..
if they come to me and tell me they have a problem or something is bothering them.. i am the same way .. they want me to know something is wrong .. wether or not they tell me what it is.. is up to them.. i just let them know i'm there for them if they need me.. and when they need me.. i am in fact there
if they come to me and tell me they have a problem or something is bothering them.. i am the same way .. they want me to know something is wrong .. wether or not they tell me what it is.. is up to them.. i just let them know i'm there for them if they need me.. and when they need me.. i am in fact there
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would depend on why they can't tell ya
and if they don't know
they may want to discuss it
but if not thats cool
but hey what do i know
and if they don't know
they may want to discuss it
but if not thats cool
but hey what do i know
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but that's just it...if they come to me...they obviously want me to know something is wrong....but they don't want to "talk about it"...
What do you do then??
What do you do then??
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be supportive and let them know that when they are ready to talk you are ready to listen.. that is really all you can do..
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yep what dana said
no wonder she is royalty
no wonder she is royalty
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I'm sure there is a "deep meaning" somewhere there Dan...I just haven't caught it ...but the day is young yet...
I guess what i worry about is that if that particular problem they don't want to discuss at the moment escalates in any way that i will blame myself that i had the opportunity to head it off and i didn't take the time to play the "20 questions game"...know what i mean???
I guess what i worry about is that if that particular problem they don't want to discuss at the moment escalates in any way that i will blame myself that i had the opportunity to head it off and i didn't take the time to play the "20 questions game"...know what i mean???
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you only have an opertunity if they give it
and after just a couple simple questions they don't give it
then my conscience would be fine
cause ya don't wanna make it worse by dwealling on it
just my thought
but hey what do i know
and after just a couple simple questions they don't give it
then my conscience would be fine
cause ya don't wanna make it worse by dwealling on it
just my thought
but hey what do i know
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i guess if you feel you would blame yourself it it gets worse becuase they didnt talk about it.. you could try to get them to but dont force them to talk.. if after you try and they still arnt ready to talk then you know you tried to help and maybe that will help you know its not your fault if they choose not to speak up
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Often if they come to you complaining of their mood there are looking for sympathy, attention they are not getting or help to resolve it.
If they do not wish to talk about after you inquire as to why they are in this state of mind. I would try to drop it and not play the 20 question game.
If you are the one asking them why they look down or upset and they are not sharing... just offer them your ear for when they are ready for another person in their corner. Follow up with a smile.
If they do not wish to talk about after you inquire as to why they are in this state of mind. I would try to drop it and not play the 20 question game.
If you are the one asking them why they look down or upset and they are not sharing... just offer them your ear for when they are ready for another person in their corner. Follow up with a smile.
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(folds arms across chest, clenches jaw)
I'm not tellin' and you can't make me(sticks tongue out)
stupid nosey people
I'm not tellin' and you can't make me(sticks tongue out)
stupid nosey people
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children especially teens have to develope their mental problem solving capabilities, and sadly that includes making mistakes. OBSERVE and BE HELPFUL not Authoritive, when these lesson in life occur.
Another hundred years can pass and and this still will be a phase all parents will encounter..so many answers but only one or two will work with you and your kids.
Another hundred years can pass and and this still will be a phase all parents will encounter..so many answers but only one or two will work with you and your kids.
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It is "teens" that i'm talking about here unfortunately...
I do see it as an "attention" getter...and not necessarily a "cry for help"...those are two different instances...I find "cries for help" more of a silent nature..
I do not like to play into the "game" because i don't want them to think that is the way to really resolve thier issues...and i don't want to be their "puppet" either...
At the same time...I want to help....that's what "mommies" do..
I do see it as an "attention" getter...and not necessarily a "cry for help"...those are two different instances...I find "cries for help" more of a silent nature..
I do not like to play into the "game" because i don't want them to think that is the way to really resolve thier issues...and i don't want to be their "puppet" either...
At the same time...I want to help....that's what "mommies" do..
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so as mommies do. i recall I quit discussing things with my mom at an early age... in fact it was only when her signature was needed that any thing of importance to me was talked about with.... she was as you said just "doing what mommies do'
it all worked out in the end I grew up i learned no I realized that moms do know stuff. she still can recall situations in my life that i never told her about... bu tthe whole time she knew she was there waiting the whole time just n case my decision making was too off the mark.. thats what mommies do its called "maternal instincts". Trust yours.
it all worked out in the end I grew up i learned no I realized that moms do know stuff. she still can recall situations in my life that i never told her about... bu tthe whole time she knew she was there waiting the whole time just n case my decision making was too off the mark.. thats what mommies do its called "maternal instincts". Trust yours.
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I just say when they are ready to talk about it...I am ready to listen!!!!!!!!
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With my foster daughter and when I had a step daugheter I would write them notes and put them on their beds in envelopes with their name on it. I learned so much from that...later I found that the foster daughter kept the notes and read them over and over...proof that I cared and suppport in my own handwriting meant the world. I think it helps break out of the "because I am your mom/guardian" and I have a right to know, as oppose to going to their level of comfort and giving them the time to read, process and respond in "their time".
Hope it all works out. Kids truly do make us better people!
Janet
Hope it all works out. Kids truly do make us better people!
Janet------ This thread is Archived ------
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Created: Jan 2007
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What are your thoughts/feelings on when you ask someone if there is a problem...or they come to you telling you they are "depressed" but they "can't tell you about it"....
Do you play the "20 question" game...or do you drop it??
I have always told my kids i can't help if i don't know there is a problem...but i'm never sure whether they want me to drag the problem out of them or not...