Prolonging the Agony? ( Archived) (24)

I read something today and thought it interesting.

If someone has been dumped, chances are, they want them back as a lover and attempting to convert to simply friends will only prolong the agony of coming to terms with the split. They say that until you accept the relationship is over, you'll probably keep reading "secret" messages into everything connected to your ex. The best way to get over an ex is to keep your distance, sever all connection, even if for a few months, then take the time to decide whether or not a friendship is possible, or even desirable.

Do you agree?

My ex was easy to get over...

Everytime I see her I am reminded of how stupidly blind I was.

AB

Yes I agree...For the one still hanging on...There will always be hope so time and distance is the only cure!!!!!!!

Yes, Ma'am..I agree with that..

I totally agree with u dear

Total agreement with this thread, if I could afford it I would either move or have her moved to another state that I never intend to visit. Nothing against that unidentified state.

got to agree with what you read. I have tried to be just friends right off the bat and it seems like it causes problems and that we each would read between the lines. A nice clean break is probably hardest at first but after the smoke has cleared and life is rebuilding without that other individual. Then friendship can be rehashed. I have always remained friends with my exs but sometimes it just takes longer to get through the break-up.

Well, the few ex's that I have had there was no way we could remain friends so I don't think they were very hard to get over at all. Except the "how could I have been so blind" part...

Sometimes we need to look at what the relationship was for us.

Was it balanced and healthy?

Or was it addictive and selfish?

What I mean by that, was... what was it that you got from the relationship, what obligations did you place on the other person?

What needs did you expect them to fulfill in you?

Relationships that are healthy for me, both romantically, and also the day to day relating, with my children, friends, people on the street, must not be needy for me, or for the other.

It is a struggle at times, and I have to be vigilant to not collapse into neediness.

I have been fortunate to have remained friends with ex partners, and neither of us practised ownership or possessiveness.

So no, for me, when the relationship changed into something different, we accepted that was what it was, and allowed us to continue being the individuals we were.

Unhealthy relationships, I feel need to be treated the same as any unhealthy habit or addictions,

Acceptance that there is an addiction, and then an abstinance from the addiction, and support and healing, for the parts of the psyche that are damaged and attracted to the unhealthy behaviours.

Understanding myself, and my behaviours helps me understand what a good and healthy relationship looks like, whether it be with friends, familly or lovers.