Valentines Day Pain ( Archived) (11)

Hi everyone,,, I apologize for just disappearing and really dont even know what I am doing here right now posting other than I need to just be with a few friendly people.

Tomorrow is not only Valentine's Day, but my deceased wife's birthday, our anniversary and the due date of our child she was carrying. LOL I dont guess I have ever figured out when I do something not to go all the way, huh? Well, it hasnt really bothered me much the past few years and I dont really know why it is hitting me so hard this year. Maybe it is that in July I turn 40 and I have been also facing this year that I am giving up on having a family of my own. It isnt that I couldnt have one or dont want to spend my life with someone, but to be fair to a child, it is just something I have to give up.

Lionhearted asked in a post if there was such a thing as good pain,,, It was in refernce to something I had said. Yes, there is such a thing as good pain. I have spent today in the bed reliving every good moment my wife and I shared and, while some of it is excruciating, I would not trade a second of the bad to lose the good that came with her. Would i even be remembering all of these little details today if she had not died? God, it has been 6 and a half years and even though I have gone on with life, how can a memory make you hurt so bad you have to force your next breath?!

Hawk,

Honey, Im so sorry to hear about your loss.I have
lost a husband,and two sons,the pain is always
there..My heart is heavy for you..If it helps
know that where they are there is no pain,only
beauty and light.and they watch over you till
you can be with them again..I saw my husband
get killed,and our youngest daughter looks
just like him,a daily reminder,I will pray
for you to hold them in your heart with out
the pain..Mine has been in my heart since 1979..

Best wishes sweety...Chance

Hi HawkDreams.
I know that the memories are tearing you apart. I don't know what it feels like to lose a child, but I do know what it feels like to lose my BEST FRIEND, my LOVER, my SOULMATE. When he died, he took a great big chunk of me with him. He has been gone for 3 and a 1/2 years, and it took a LONG time before I could think of him without crying, now I hold those memories so close within my heart and I can smile while remembering the things we used to do.
Yes, there are days that I cry because I just miss him so much, but as with anyone who has shared a loss of someone they've been intimate with & loved more than life itself..it is understandable.
Yes, a memory CAN hurt so bad that you have to force yourself to breath, because you MISS THE ONE YOU LOVED WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND SOUL.
I am wishing you peace and contentment, remember, you might not "see" her, but she is always there with you, only a heartbeat away...in your heart.


Rose.

I feel for you Hawk and hope you some peace from the pain. I lost my deceased wife and glad you are posting. I hope God gives you comfort from it. I hope you can share some poetry. I love reading poetry and don't even worry what it sounds or looks like just share.

Roy

Roy is right, that is how I got through my own grief, and I still write about things when they bother me, or happy things when the "thought" of something hits me.
Please share, we would love to read it.



Rose.

Thank you all so very much,,, I know this probably wasnt the place to be talking about it all, but it has just really struck me in the past week how i dont have any friends that I really want to talk with. It is amazing that I have about 400 people on both yahoo and msn and they are just there to catch up with every few months and in the real world, I live in a small community where I must maintain professional distance to keep working for myself and just hadnt realized how seperated I had become until I needed to talk. I guess we lie best to ourselves huh? Cause I just figured out I have been doing a good job telling myself I wasnt lonely, that I was just alone. The funny thing is I didnt even really come to this site to find a mate, but to find a few friends,,, Oh sure, if the mate thing happenes then great, but I dont get my hopes up so easily!

Good Night all and Happy Valentines Day!

Ron

Hawk, i'm sorry ur in such a funk on a day that's suppose to be filled with love and excitement. It seems when we're feeling our lowest is when any other area in our lives we're having problems with seems magnified also. Don't fight it tho Hawk. Allow urself these thoughts, memories and feelings. This was ur life and it sounds like u shared it with someone very special. Not many of us can say we've even done that. I'm glad ur here and if u need to talk, vent or just ramble on i'd be happy to listen and i'm sure there's other people who would also. I won't say cheer up because that's dismissive of what ur going thru now but smile just a little cuz u have found people who do care here in the forums. ; )

Amy

Ones heart goes out to each and all above me,
for it is hearts like yours that bring new meaning
to this day called Valentines Day!!!! And it is
hoped by myself that if I should ever have to leave
this world, that I will leave a heart behind like the
hearts that I see above me. Truly Valentines Hearts.

God bless you All

Heather,

your words brought tears to me,you are an angel..
to find new meaning,for a day others might feel pain
they bring comfort to a heart thats sad,but
a face that holds a smile for you.Thank you

Your friend Chance....