DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE (126)
kevdufColumbia, Missouri USA7 Threads 1,386 Posts
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wish I could join you
but it's a long drive
but it's a long drive
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lets .........drink a drink a drink
to lily the pinka pinka pink
the saviour of the human ra-a-ace
to lily the pinka pinka pink
the saviour of the human ra-a-ace
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come here for a drink...
no offence to drink and swim....
yet....
no offence to drink and swim....
yet....
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The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk.
The first one out the door at 2:00 o'clock weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car.
Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes.
Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot.
Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away.
Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing.
The policeman asked the man to take a breathalyser test, to which he readily agreed.
When the reading was 0.0%, the policeman said, "How can this be?"
To which the man replied, "Because tonight, I'm the designated decoy."
It`s a joke, go ahead laugh. Pull that stick out of your backside.
The first one out the door at 2:00 o'clock weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car.
Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes.
Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot.
Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away.
Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing.
The policeman asked the man to take a breathalyser test, to which he readily agreed.
When the reading was 0.0%, the policeman said, "How can this be?"
To which the man replied, "Because tonight, I'm the designated decoy."
It`s a joke, go ahead laugh. Pull that stick out of your backside.
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Ten Fo Mitch :)
Carry on Hubba Bubba
Carry on Hubba Bubba
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Now that`s a whole nother political story/
Drinking, driving, and swimming.
Ted Kennedy aka "The Swimmer"
Drinking, driving, and swimming.
Ted Kennedy aka "The Swimmer"
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OMG....
so its an offence over there......
what about drink and fly...
s**t half the flies in Aussie would be under arrest..
so its an offence over there......
what about drink and fly...
s**t half the flies in Aussie would be under arrest..
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( looks over shoulder,,don't see the A.J P. )
nice one mitch
( runs like hell )
A.J.P. ::anti joke police
nice one mitch
( runs like hell )
A.J.P. ::anti joke police
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It is against the law to operate a boat while under the influence of alcohol, the penalty is the same as DUI. And they may even seize your boat.
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A long as they dont...
confiscate the beer...
all is well....
confiscate the beer...
all is well....
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A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is."
The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink.
The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?" The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night." The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog."
Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor.
The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act." The drunks says "not for sale". The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat." The drunk say, "deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat.
The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?"
The Drunk says, "Relax, the frog is a vantriliqist
The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink.
The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?" The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night." The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog."
Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor.
The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act." The drunks says "not for sale". The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat." The drunk say, "deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat.
The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?"
The Drunk says, "Relax, the frog is a vantriliqist
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Good, no need to take chances
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did that involve a lot of study....
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They give you a three page study guide
right before they administer the test.
Not much time to study.
right before they administer the test.
Not much time to study.
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When I got drunk, I had to do a sobriety test to.
You know the one where you stand on one leg and count to ten.
I got all the way to whoaaa, I asked the officer if that was good enough.
He said no, At that time, I had the right to remain silent,
but I didn`t have the ability to remain silent.
boy was that a mistake.
You know the one where you stand on one leg and count to ten.
I got all the way to whoaaa, I asked the officer if that was good enough.
He said no, At that time, I had the right to remain silent,
but I didn`t have the ability to remain silent.
boy was that a mistake.
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arnt the testers pushy though..
Telling you to keep blowing.....
Telling you to keep blowing.....
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And all those lights flashing,
who can keep their balance
with all that commotion going on?
and trying to hold your drink in one hand.
who can keep their balance
with all that commotion going on?
and trying to hold your drink in one hand. ------ This thread is Archived ------
Hey you need to watch the Trailer Park Boys - the one guy never spills his drink and it goes everywhere with him.
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