Why do 'you' want a relationship? (55)
Hi Trish
I think it is how you feel about yourself defines your thinking on relationships....some people feel the need to have someone for them even though that person is just using them..Others like to have someone to control in their lives..thats just my thinking on it..
For me personally i was in a happy marriage for nearly 19 years or so i thought until John took his life. So i had to learn to look at myself and see where so i turn to. I got on with living and as each day passed i started to look within myself and found i did like myself after all i had been thru. I didnt need anyone to fill my life but then i met Jim and offered him my friendship first but what we have grew from there...
So today is our First Anniversary.....
I think it is how you feel about yourself defines your thinking on relationships....some people feel the need to have someone for them even though that person is just using them..Others like to have someone to control in their lives..thats just my thinking on it..
For me personally i was in a happy marriage for nearly 19 years or so i thought until John took his life. So i had to learn to look at myself and see where so i turn to. I got on with living and as each day passed i started to look within myself and found i did like myself after all i had been thru. I didnt need anyone to fill my life but then i met Jim and offered him my friendship first but what we have grew from there...
So today is our First Anniversary.....
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After my last commitment of 11 yrs. I took time to mourn the ending of it.Didn't want to date again until I had the baggage put away.Wouldn't want to hurt someone on a rebound.Took time to know me better.Look around at where I was,decide where I'd like to be and where I would no longer go.I had 1st date about 10 months lateer.Been dating since.I often turn done a date to just do whatever I was planning,like hot soak and watch a chick flick.
I don't need a man.Don't feel being a couple is the thing to be.You can be alone but not lonley.I have 3 cats.Neighbors if in need,do alot of things like volunteer.Having said that,I do want a lifetime in love,but only if the right 1 comes along,not just anyone.I have to feel it and then I'll want it and then be willing to compromise on some things and work at keeping it good.If I don't meet that special 1,then life goes on.
I don't need a man.Don't feel being a couple is the thing to be.You can be alone but not lonley.I have 3 cats.Neighbors if in need,do alot of things like volunteer.Having said that,I do want a lifetime in love,but only if the right 1 comes along,not just anyone.I have to feel it and then I'll want it and then be willing to compromise on some things and work at keeping it good.If I don't meet that special 1,then life goes on.
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Personally for me, I have been single for many, many years.... I've had my alone time and resolved past issues in my life. I don't HAVE to have a man in my life...I WANT one...a man sure would make life a little more fun... and isn't it just nice to have someone special? It is for me... therefore I will keep looking and I'm 75% I have found someone...
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Oh Nuala, what can I say
I hope you like your anniversary thread
I think you have hit the proverbial nail on the head there with your statement of "so I offered him my friendship first"
I hope you like your anniversary thread
I think you have hit the proverbial nail on the head there with your statement of "so I offered him my friendship first"
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I did see it and thanks for it.....You are a star...
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HUSBAND , KIDS, FAMILY LIFE 
LOVE
SOCIAL SECURITY
LOVE
SOCIAL SECURITY
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Same here Heather, 12 yrs single - I just got tired of the games people play and think I maybe got a bit overprotective of my vulnerabilities 
ooooh I do hope you have found that someone special
ooooh I do hope you have found that someone special
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but what about the 25%.......
Just playin' w/ya....
Just playin' w/ya....------ This thread is Archived ------
I think there are right reasons and wrong reasons for one to have a relationship...Loneliness...to complete oneself or to make one happy are all the wrong reasons and the major reasons why people settle for less than they deserve!!!!!!!! You have to find these things within yourself first otherwise you will never truly be happy!!!!!!!!
I don't think it's fair to jump into any relationship before sorting out the baggage of the last...You only bring the old wounds and mistakes into the new relationship and that's not fair to your new partner!!!!!!
I have not even dated in 6 years because I know what I want and I am not willing to settle for anything less...So I have had lots of time to sort out my excess baggage...In the meantime..I have enjoyed getting to know me and what makes me tick!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think it's fair to jump into any relationship before sorting out the baggage of the last...You only bring the old wounds and mistakes into the new relationship and that's not fair to your new partner!!!!!!
I have not even dated in 6 years because I know what I want and I am not willing to settle for anything less...So I have had lots of time to sort out my excess baggage...In the meantime..I have enjoyed getting to know me and what makes me tick!!!!!!!!!!
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Yes, I agree, nomindgames - keep it positive and it'll happen when the time is right 
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this is kinda what I was thinking too Hugz, it isnt fair to try moving on before sorting yr baggage out - and that also stresses the importance of being freinds in the first place and not rushing in I guess
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Oh, definitely dump the bags before moving on.
It's been ten years since my last relationship and about two since my last date as I tend to keep busy.
While it would be nice to have someone to share things with, I can enjoy life just as it is. So if something turns up I won't push it away but I certainly don't need to do the 'headless chicken' thing.
Good thread Trish
It's been ten years since my last relationship and about two since my last date as I tend to keep busy.
While it would be nice to have someone to share things with, I can enjoy life just as it is. So if something turns up I won't push it away but I certainly don't need to do the 'headless chicken' thing.
Good thread Trish
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Thanks BB
I reckon its that 'headless chicken thing' which causes so much trouble - rushing into a relationship for the sake of not being alone is, in my book such a no no
I too am happy to be alone for now. I would love nothing more than to share who I am within a loving relationship, to experience that communion of souls stuff but I am happy to wait it out in the knowledge that its better to be alone on my own than alone in some kind of ordeal of a relationship
I reckon its that 'headless chicken thing' which causes so much trouble - rushing into a relationship for the sake of not being alone is, in my book such a no no
I too am happy to be alone for now. I would love nothing more than to share who I am within a loving relationship, to experience that communion of souls stuff but I am happy to wait it out in the knowledge that its better to be alone on my own than alone in some kind of ordeal of a relationship
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Hi Trish,
Oh, definitely dump the bags before moving on.
But when do we stop moving on??? When we start to meet people or talk to people but thats when the Lies start again but do we then stop or just pretend there not lies or hope there not lies?? ( sorry borring)
Oh, definitely dump the bags before moving on.
But when do we stop moving on??? When we start to meet people or talk to people but thats when the Lies start again but do we then stop or just pretend there not lies or hope there not lies?? ( sorry borring)
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I think if two peeps are happy with themselves and happy in there lives it is possible to move further up the ladder(or some posh wording etc ) and keep going until the day ur pushing up daises its hard to say why people get together most often its for the wrong reasens and I know from experience that if your not happy with yourself then just stay single (jmo) I want a family I want a home (not just a house) I want a wife I want to wake up look to my side and smile. I want to be someones all ther everthing.I also want to give my all and m8k them feel the same way.................I hope I will have all of this .......you never can tell ay?............hya trish your looking particualy lovly today my friend 
) and keep going until the day ur pushing up daises its hard to say why people get together most often its for the wrong reasens and I know from experience that if your not happy with yourself then just stay single (jmo) I want a family I want a home (not just a house) I want a wife I want to wake up look to my side and smile. I want to be someones all ther everthing.I also want to give my all and m8k them feel the same way.................I hope I will have all of this .......you never can tell ay?............hya trish your looking particualy lovly today my friend ------ This thread is Archived ------
Hi Slowmover
you ask a couple of good questions there and while I dont profess to have any answers Im sort of moving around to saying its about expectations and starting points - if I think something is a lie I see it as a red flag and cant get beyond it, certainly give no more of myself till I understand, everything gets put on hold if i see a red flag and I need clarification.
I have come out of relationships in the past without a shred of self worth, its taken a lot to find the courage to have stood on my own feet for so long and oftentimes the loneliness was roaring out of me like a river in full spate (for want of a better analogy haha) but.......... lies - definately dont ignore them, we are worth so much more than false premise's
I think its like Nuala said earlier, "start with friendship" and take it from there - I dont expect to be lied to by anybody i would choose to call 'friend' let alone 'partner'
you ask a couple of good questions there and while I dont profess to have any answers Im sort of moving around to saying its about expectations and starting points - if I think something is a lie I see it as a red flag and cant get beyond it, certainly give no more of myself till I understand, everything gets put on hold if i see a red flag and I need clarification.
I have come out of relationships in the past without a shred of self worth, its taken a lot to find the courage to have stood on my own feet for so long and oftentimes the loneliness was roaring out of me like a river in full spate (for want of a better analogy haha) but.......... lies - definately dont ignore them, we are worth so much more than false premise's
I think its like Nuala said earlier, "start with friendship" and take it from there - I dont expect to be lied to by anybody i would choose to call 'friend' let alone 'partner'
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Hiya Gra - shucks, you guessed 
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Hiya Our Kid I sincerely hope you get all of the above and more
Thanks for the comp too - I got lost of sleep for the last few years
I sincerely hope you get all of the above and more Thanks for the comp too
- I got lost of sleep for the last few years ------ This thread is Archived ------
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Created: Oct 2007
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Are there right and wrong reasons for wanting to be in a realtionship - should a new partner complete an already fulfilled life or or step in and help with the fulfillment stuff - oh, just one more thing - past hurts and moving on, is it fair to be looking for another relationship when we still harbour unresoled issues - to me, we learn something from every single person or interraction we ever experience so a love that is over is a treasure still, but of the past, not the future.
I know that its great to discover this stuff with a partner but whats the level of personal responsibility you have/need to get sorted before you feel 'fair' in committing to another person
How can we be complete before moving on - or is that a contradiction in terms