do we turn out like our parents? (35)
cutelildevilsmomportsmouth, New Hampshire USA60 Threads 7,772 PostsI am adopted so who knows what I am predisposed to do.My parents raised me to know right from wrong and they were good role models.they have been married 51 yrs and I have been divorced 3 times.go figure,lol
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There are some things that just happen that we can't control. Certain habits that we have, we do and not even think about it because it is in our genes, or it is what we got in a habit of doing when we were kids. So, now we don't think about it. We just do it. Also, there are many things that we do say to ourselves, I'm not going to do this and I'm not going to do that. Sometimes we don't do many things, but sometimes we fall into those same patterns that our parents had.
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Sorry, can't agree with you on that one!! Quite harsh about the alcohol genetic stuff (unless you have some scientific background on the genetics of it, to my knowledge, even the "experts" haven't quite figured that one out). To put it simply, if one has an alcoholic parent, that is abusive (mostly they are) do you really think a kid WANTS to mimic that????? Yes that is LEARNED behaviour through no fault of their own, but the physical act of pouring down the booze, drugs, or food, let's face it, all under the "addiction" umbrella. With booze and drugs it's usually "beam me up scotty, reality way too hard to take", but with food, one can develop overeating habits completely irrelevant to the dietry habits of their upbringing. It is still "escaping" of a different kind, but I believe it's more to do with "anything that makes you feel better rather than suffer this internal pain" (subconciously of course). While I didn't have a problem with food as a child, as was not fed the processed crap that is now being dished out to kids as normal, I now sometimes eat crap that I have developed a taste for...eg..bad day, passing McDonalds, do I wait 'til I get to the supermarket and pack up on salad?? No, I go for what's yummy, and not allowed!!!! While I don't have an issue with food, that kind of screws up your theory about what was on the table when growing up don't you think????
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Yes we do
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i agree. it's very difficult
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I would be proud to turn out like my parents, they are fine people.
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i'd be proud to turn out like my dad, like i said earlier. (only not so into working 24/7)
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I do in some ways am like my mother.....oh lord......I can not stand when people crush ice (eating ice) and just little things like that beggs me.....
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just an update to my reply.In my search for my birthmother I have found out she has been married multiple times as have I ..wierd.
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we learn from our role models but that doesn't mean we cannot change the cycle in our own lives.
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Uuuummmm....no...freedom of choice gives us the opportunity to change environmental predispositions...I am nothing like my parents...
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i love this topic !!!
because at different times i have seen characteristics of my parents in myself, and like Jax, i was never with them during the programming of my hard drive (birth till 2-7) ....
my mother was a single mother but not to me...she raised my sister ...i was in Lebanon till i was 8... so i learned that it was ok to be single and have a family all over the place
(sound a little familiar) lol
i never knew my dad only that i was supposed to have a temper like his! guess what? lol
i met him for the first time when i was 18 , he was a beautiful man , a striking Welshman with a charm that could melt anyone's soul... but he was never present
where are all the wonderful men in my life??? all over the place!! but not present...not responsible!! it's ok cuz i was thinkin i chose for my lifestyle...hahahhahahhahaha
well i'm still thinkin that... and not concluded... but who gave me this sic addiction for adrenalin??? i guess i got it trying to show both of them that "i was worth it"...
let's set up every obstacle (unconsciously of course) and watch the little girl jump hurdles!! oh oh oh !! isn't she cute!! she got that one!!! only after the race who goes home with the horse? lmao!!
oh oh oh ! so i worked really hard to be EVERYTHING they would say yes to.... i succeeded.
but they never showed, and after a time i was so angry and had no clue why....
so then my obstacles became life threatening... great !! clever of me eh??? ...ugh
i orchestrated (unconscously of course) Leukemia, one kidney, the death of my first born.
need i go on?
what we do is what we all do...we look for acceptance and approval and the acknowledgement that we have done well or not but some care and guidance just for measure.... sheesh not alot one would think...we send out so many messages to our children.... look carefully into your own process..... abandonment lasts a lifetime
i am proof....if they didn't want me and they were my parents ...how in the hell will anyone else?!!
it's not supposed to make sense...stupid convoluted childhood....
because at different times i have seen characteristics of my parents in myself, and like Jax, i was never with them during the programming of my hard drive (birth till 2-7) ....
my mother was a single mother but not to me...she raised my sister ...i was in Lebanon till i was 8... so i learned that it was ok to be single and have a family all over the place
(sound a little familiar) lol
i never knew my dad only that i was supposed to have a temper like his! guess what? lol
i met him for the first time when i was 18 , he was a beautiful man , a striking Welshman with a charm that could melt anyone's soul... but he was never present
where are all the wonderful men in my life??? all over the place!! but not present...not responsible!! it's ok cuz i was thinkin i chose for my lifestyle...hahahhahahhahaha
well i'm still thinkin that... and not concluded... but who gave me this sic addiction for adrenalin??? i guess i got it trying to show both of them that "i was worth it"...
let's set up every obstacle (unconsciously of course) and watch the little girl jump hurdles!! oh oh oh !! isn't she cute!! she got that one!!! only after the race who goes home with the horse? lmao!!
oh oh oh ! so i worked really hard to be EVERYTHING they would say yes to.... i succeeded.
but they never showed, and after a time i was so angry and had no clue why....
so then my obstacles became life threatening... great !! clever of me eh??? ...ugh
i orchestrated (unconscously of course) Leukemia, one kidney, the death of my first born.
need i go on?
what we do is what we all do...we look for acceptance and approval and the acknowledgement that we have done well or not but some care and guidance just for measure.... sheesh not alot one would think...we send out so many messages to our children.... look carefully into your own process..... abandonment lasts a lifetime
i am proof....if they didn't want me and they were my parents ...how in the hell will anyone else?!!
it's not supposed to make sense...stupid convoluted childhood....
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This is a great question...
I distinctly remember saying I will never be like my mother...Even stayed married longer than I should have (only one of many reasons) because I wanted to prove running away with another guy before the divorce is up...blah, blah...
I was, at one point, becoming her out of desperation... It horrified the hell out of me.
As far as parents go genetics must play part in alot of things... I don't know my birth father, and would like to know a little more about them on that side...
Hmmm... Scot/irish... well, on the rare occassion I do drink I'm a happy drunk. So was my father, I was told. He'd cared much about other people... But, where that ends is he get his own family go... However, again, this was a few tidbits I was told. I only remember a few faded things...
Mom's side... History of abusive men. WOW! No brainer there, lol. Family scattered all over hell...huh.
Yup, I can see some of my family traits. Then, I see the course I followed.=o)
I distinctly remember saying I will never be like my mother...Even stayed married longer than I should have (only one of many reasons) because I wanted to prove running away with another guy before the divorce is up...blah, blah...
I was, at one point, becoming her out of desperation... It horrified the hell out of me.
As far as parents go genetics must play part in alot of things... I don't know my birth father, and would like to know a little more about them on that side...
Hmmm... Scot/irish... well, on the rare occassion I do drink I'm a happy drunk. So was my father, I was told. He'd cared much about other people... But, where that ends is he get his own family go... However, again, this was a few tidbits I was told. I only remember a few faded things...
Mom's side... History of abusive men. WOW! No brainer there, lol. Family scattered all over hell...huh.
Yup, I can see some of my family traits. Then, I see the course I followed.=o)
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yes I'm afraid we do alot of what they do if we stick around long enough
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