I wil have to be my honest self and say I'am truly flattered if someone saw in me the potential to be something more than the village idiot.
But i must confess , i carry each day a prayer that God will allow enough peace just to get through until i go asleep again. I have left my problems behind... But still have to be attached to them due to my children.
The only way I can have peace in my life is to be alone... This is why i do not date or have a social life.
The truth is she does not want me, her only goal in life is to torment me... And if i ever found another she would be the destruction of my happiness because even though she doesn't want me she would ensure noone else could or would have me.
As much as i admire you and respect you and even have an attraction towards you i could not be anything more than a internet Buddy.
My life is a virtual roller coaster and do not wish to invite someone else into my torment. I have myself and my girls in councelling and we have so many issues and traumas to deal with. It is a happy home most of the time , But My Ex-wife even after divorced 4 years still has a hold on the family, She continues to use my children as a tool or weapon. And i would not ask anyone to get wrapped up in it.
This is Another painful moment in my life when i have to say; to a moment of happiness it can not be...
I truly wished it was another time ,another place ,another life. I enjoy and so much appreaciate all the words we have shared. I could find myself easily making a true connection with you Honey, But It would only bring more pain and suffering to the problems you already face. I would not do that to another, I know how it feels to be where I'am. I would not wish it upon anyone else.
I would hope we ALL could still continue forward on our threads and posts,having fun and speaking openly with what our hearts would want to share. Noone deserves the drama that is my life. and i promise to always keep my drama to a minimum...
I do not want Pity,sympathy... i just want to be able to leave my life behind for a while as i post in threads. I want to enjoy the company of others who have no connection or ability to be an observer of the trials i face in my hometown. Everyone including myself can give advice based on paticular experiences, But somethings cannot just be resolved with words when the innocents of children is involved.
So please understand it is not that i do not wish to find someoen in my life... I just can't Be with anyone at this point in my life...
I don't call them regrets....I call them life experiences. Sure, there are things that I would do differently if I could....but I don't regret anything. Things I've been through, done or had done to me is what makes me who I am today and I like who I am!
No,Gilly Inspite of having been put through the Wringer(With my help,and the help of others ) I think at this moment I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Being at relative ease with myself,and of some help to my Fellow-Men. Enough of beating my Own Drum. lol :)
REGRETS <================> ANOTHER WAY TO MAKE MY LIFE TRULY MISERABLE !! No use crying over what was,or might could have been. Most likely would not doing it different,even if I could go back,knowing what I know today! Nope! Not Likely at all!!!Know myself too well these days.
i have one huge regret. something so stupid i did at school that cost me the senior's chess championship. (anyone who plays chess will understand why it's rankled with me for so long). top of the league with only 1 game to play.........i'm playing very well, 2 major pieces up and cruising to victory.......the championship was all mine.........the trophy sitting there with all but my name on it.........then i got greedy. instead of concentrating on finishing him off, i started capturing pointless pieces, intent on making him look silly.........i left myself open for a back rank check mate which he happily accepted. for anyone who doesn't really play chess, this is the equivelent of a boxer being knocked around for 12 rounds then getting up and knocking out his opponent while his opponent has his back turned milking the applause. imagine how i felt when the other guy was awarded the trophy at the school assembly and being announced as the senior champion..........
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But i must confess , i carry each day a prayer that God will allow enough peace just to get through until i go asleep again.
I have left my problems behind... But still have to be attached to them due to my children.
The only way I can have peace in my life is to be alone... This is why i do not date or have a social life.
The truth is she does not want me, her only goal in life is to torment me... And if i ever found another she would be the destruction of my happiness because even though she doesn't want me she would ensure noone else could or would have me.
As much as i admire you and respect you and even have an attraction towards you i could not be anything more than a internet Buddy.
My life is a virtual roller coaster and do not wish to invite someone else into my torment.
I have myself and my girls in councelling and we have so many issues and traumas to deal with.
It is a happy home most of the time ,
But My Ex-wife even after divorced 4 years still has a hold on the family, She continues to use my children as a tool or weapon.
And i would not ask anyone to get wrapped up in it.
This is Another painful moment in my life when i have to say; to a moment of happiness it can not be...
I truly wished it was another time ,another place ,another life.
I enjoy and so much appreaciate all the words we have shared.
I could find myself easily making a true connection with you Honey, But It would only bring more pain and suffering to the problems you already face.
I would not do that to another, I know how it feels to be where I'am.
I would not wish it upon anyone else.
I would hope we ALL could still continue forward on our threads and posts,having fun and speaking openly with what our hearts would want to share.
Noone deserves the drama that is my life.
and i promise to always keep my drama to a minimum...
I do not want Pity,sympathy... i just want to be able to leave my life behind for a while as i post in threads.
I want to enjoy the company of others who have no connection or ability to be an observer of the trials i face in my hometown.
Everyone including myself can give advice based on paticular experiences, But somethings cannot just be resolved with words when the innocents of children is involved.
So please understand it is not that i do not wish to find someoen in my life... I just can't Be with anyone at this point in my life...