What is wrong with having kids?? (59)
That is one reason why I will ALWAYS make it clear to the man , my kids are my responsibility and no one else's . I do not want to be financially supported so therefore they wouldn't have to worry about that part . Also I wouldn't burden the man with the cost of my kids . And the way I see it , if the man really wants a woman that has kids , IT'S A PACKAGE DEAL. I
also make it clear that I do the punishing when they do something wrong.
That way he's not the bad guy and I play the part so well lol .
also make it clear that I do the punishing when they do something wrong.
That way he's not the bad guy and I play the part so well lol .
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Love me...Love my kids or get lost...Plain and simple!!!!!!!!!
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the headache almost always NEGATES anything that may be felt for mommy....
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I would be skeptic to get involved w/ a man that has kids especially for attachment issues and such, and me being pregnant i wouldn't just bring anyone around my child as it is.
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For 5 years I helped raise 4 kids starting ages 13, 12, 10, and 4.... They belonged to an old friend of mine whom when I met, I was 19, she was 17..........
She married, had 4 kids and divorced 14 years later....
After returning home, she had trouble making it because she had no skills but as a housewife....
Everyone turned their backs on her... mostly her family.... so she was stuck...
I offered to let her stay for 2 weeks.... I was single, and had the room.
She was tired, and the kids were fringing on disrespectful behaviors, so I gave them some solid guidlines, and eventually we bonded.
Her feelings for me were stronger than mine for her..... so I had to keep a plutonic relationship with her. We dated people, but not at the house..... the house was sovereign territory reserved for the family.
Women did not understand the situation as it were, but I eventually didn't give a dam what other women thought, the kids became that important to me....private school, music lessons, travel, camping, boating, fishing, skiing, they did it all......
What eventually brought a close to this, was a huge settlement that she recieved from a back injury on a job, and didn't tell me about it, letting me continue to pay for hers and the kids expenses.... when I did find out, I expained to her the breach of trust, and sent her down the road...... but it was really hard to give up the kids, no matter what, they were like the family I never had.....
She married, had 4 kids and divorced 14 years later....
After returning home, she had trouble making it because she had no skills but as a housewife....
Everyone turned their backs on her... mostly her family.... so she was stuck...
I offered to let her stay for 2 weeks.... I was single, and had the room.
She was tired, and the kids were fringing on disrespectful behaviors, so I gave them some solid guidlines, and eventually we bonded.
Her feelings for me were stronger than mine for her..... so I had to keep a plutonic relationship with her. We dated people, but not at the house..... the house was sovereign territory reserved for the family.
Women did not understand the situation as it were, but I eventually didn't give a dam what other women thought, the kids became that important to me....private school, music lessons, travel, camping, boating, fishing, skiing, they did it all......
What eventually brought a close to this, was a huge settlement that she recieved from a back injury on a job, and didn't tell me about it, letting me continue to pay for hers and the kids expenses.... when I did find out, I expained to her the breach of trust, and sent her down the road...... but it was really hard to give up the kids, no matter what, they were like the family I never had.....
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Hence my post about Sisyphis....
Kids are a joy and sometimes a burden.
I have two grown kids who have lives of their own and support themselves just fine.
But my youngest will never leave home and has special needs that require "commitment".
Meaning I'm about to be committed any minute
My point is, kids come first and the discussion about kids should happen very quickly between adults who are hoping to find a LTR.
Kids are a joy and sometimes a burden.
I have two grown kids who have lives of their own and support themselves just fine.
But my youngest will never leave home and has special needs that require "commitment".
Meaning I'm about to be committed any minute
My point is, kids come first and the discussion about kids should happen very quickly between adults who are hoping to find a LTR.
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letitroll: For 5 years I helped raise 4 kids starting ages 13, 12, 10, and 4.... They belonged to an old friend of mine whom when I met, I was 19, she was 17..........
She married, had 4 kids and divorced 14 years later....
After returning home, she had trouble making it because she had no skills but as a housewife....
Everyone turned their backs on her... mostly her family.... so she was stuck...
I offered to let her stay for 2 weeks.... I was single, and had the room.
She was tired, and the kids were fringing on disrespectful behaviors, so I gave them some solid guidlines, and eventually we bonded.
Her feelings for me were stronger than mine for her..... so I had to keep a plutonic relationship with her. We dated people, but not at the house..... the house was sovereign territory reserved for the family.
Women did not understand the situation as it were, but I eventually didn't give a dam what other women thought, the kids became that important to me....private school, music lessons, travel, camping, boating, fishing, skiing, they did it all......
What eventually brought a close to this, was a huge settlement that she recieved from a back injury on a job, and didn't tell me about it, letting me continue to pay for hers and the kids expenses.... when I did find out, I expained to her the breach of trust, and sent her down the road...... but it was really hard to give up the kids, no matter what, they were like the family I never had.....
She married, had 4 kids and divorced 14 years later....
After returning home, she had trouble making it because she had no skills but as a housewife....
Everyone turned their backs on her... mostly her family.... so she was stuck...
I offered to let her stay for 2 weeks.... I was single, and had the room.
She was tired, and the kids were fringing on disrespectful behaviors, so I gave them some solid guidlines, and eventually we bonded.
Her feelings for me were stronger than mine for her..... so I had to keep a plutonic relationship with her. We dated people, but not at the house..... the house was sovereign territory reserved for the family.
Women did not understand the situation as it were, but I eventually didn't give a dam what other women thought, the kids became that important to me....private school, music lessons, travel, camping, boating, fishing, skiing, they did it all......
What eventually brought a close to this, was a huge settlement that she recieved from a back injury on a job, and didn't tell me about it, letting me continue to pay for hers and the kids expenses.... when I did find out, I expained to her the breach of trust, and sent her down the road...... but it was really hard to give up the kids, no matter what, they were like the family I never had.....
If you go to my profile there is a photo of the youngest with the dog that I got the kids..... he is age 6 at the time of the photo... cute...huh?
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letitroll: If you go to my profile there is a photo of the youngest with the dog that I got the kids..... he is age 6 at the time of the photo... cute...huh?
Never mind... here he is.... I made him my primary
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I'm somewhere in the middle here. While my kids were around, I was careful about introducing them to anyone because I heard the feedback from whenever they visited their dad & the new step-mom, so I didn't want to cause any more stress for them.
Then, my kids were basically stolen from me by their dad. After making the adjustments (not completely sure I have sometimes)...I've decided that I don't want to give birth to another child, so that's been taken care of.
I'm not adverse to dating someone with kids, and have done it twice. The first one didn't work out so well because I was the one with rules, & when I brought it up he felt I didn't like his daughter. The second one would've worked pretty good because he was a pretty accepting kid, but things didn't work out between his dad & I.
If a guy has shown an interest & his profile mentions that he'd like to have kids, I'm up front & tell him that I won't be giving birth anytime in the future, but that I'm not adverse to adoption. Although the more I think about it & consider my age, the more I'm thinking maybe not...lol
I have an aunt & uncle who chose not to have kids. I don't think their lifestyle would have ever fit with kids. I think I'm more at that point where I'd rather be able to have just me & a mate (if I still had my kids I'd be at the empty nest point anyway...one's 23 & one's 18).
So I can see it from both ways...being accepting of someone with kids and being at the point where I'm done with them. I get my fill at work since I'm around Jr. High kids all day. Just sometimes wonder if I'll know when I've been made a grandma & if I'll ever see them.
Then, my kids were basically stolen from me by their dad. After making the adjustments (not completely sure I have sometimes)...I've decided that I don't want to give birth to another child, so that's been taken care of.
I'm not adverse to dating someone with kids, and have done it twice. The first one didn't work out so well because I was the one with rules, & when I brought it up he felt I didn't like his daughter. The second one would've worked pretty good because he was a pretty accepting kid, but things didn't work out between his dad & I.
If a guy has shown an interest & his profile mentions that he'd like to have kids, I'm up front & tell him that I won't be giving birth anytime in the future, but that I'm not adverse to adoption. Although the more I think about it & consider my age, the more I'm thinking maybe not...lol
I have an aunt & uncle who chose not to have kids. I don't think their lifestyle would have ever fit with kids. I think I'm more at that point where I'd rather be able to have just me & a mate (if I still had my kids I'd be at the empty nest point anyway...one's 23 & one's 18).
So I can see it from both ways...being accepting of someone with kids and being at the point where I'm done with them. I get my fill at work since I'm around Jr. High kids all day. Just sometimes wonder if I'll know when I've been made a grandma & if I'll ever see them.
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casie1600: Why is it that when a guy you think you might like finds out you have kids, they are suddenly not interested?? I dont understand!
Is it a fear of committment or maybe scared to share their personal time with the kids or what??
I would like to hear from some of you men why this is, as well as from women why they think it is!! I am sure these will be different responc
But I dont want any fighting at all over this subject, just a non heated discussion! I am just curious thats all!
Thanks in advance for any input!!
Is it a fear of committment or maybe scared to share their personal time with the kids or what??
I would like to hear from some of you men why this is, as well as from women why they think it is!! I am sure these will be different responc
But I dont want any fighting at all over this subject, just a non heated discussion! I am just curious thats all!
Thanks in advance for any input!!
IT because they are not ready to deal with other people children.. However, the man/woman should learn to READ the profile BEFORE he or she try to contact her/him...
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hrt4lse: I've decided that I don't want to give birth to another child.
But it is fun as hell practicing conception!!!
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Nothing wrong at all. I just wish I knew who and where they are...
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rasgumby: But it is fun as hell practicing conception!!!
true...lol
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i am a single father who feels the same way you do.I think people don't want to deal with our baggage and definitively don't want to put up or raise kids that aren't theirs.it is sad but true.when ever i met someone and we started getting to know each other soon as my kids step in,that someone usually runs away.to be honest my kids come first,i am half the reason why they are in this world and they are not accepted no much i can do
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CapeDoctor: Call men selfish for being apprehensive about getting involved with a woman with kids, but you have to look at their life situation as well and reallise just how much it impacts on their lives too.
As a young single guy I think the following makes me uneasy about a girl with kids:
You know she's gonna have far less free time especially if her kids are young, you also know their's gonna be a biological father in the background! Then there's the issue of kids not accepting you as the 'new guy' in their mummy's life....
Call it selfish if you like but that's how I fear it is.
But in the same breath, if I really liked her and she liked me too, I'm sure I'd learn to accept everything that comes with the package;)
As a young single guy I think the following makes me uneasy about a girl with kids:
You know she's gonna have far less free time especially if her kids are young, you also know their's gonna be a biological father in the background! Then there's the issue of kids not accepting you as the 'new guy' in their mummy's life....
Call it selfish if you like but that's how I fear it is.
But in the same breath, if I really liked her and she liked me too, I'm sure I'd learn to accept everything that comes with the package;)
With most people who have kids, I am sure there is a biological mom/dad in the background, not so much for me and my kids. My kids dad lives in Texas, 1000 miles away, and couldnt care less about having a kid. I dont get any kind of help from him, no phone calls, no visits, no birthday or Christmas cards, nothing. So, with me that would not be an issue.
The time issue about not having as much time, this is true to an extent. There are certain things that will require time to be spent with my kids, but who is to say that time has to be spent with just the kids, couldnt we all spend time together?
My kids would probably accept any one in their life since they have never had a father figure in their lives. When I date someone, at first I dont let them meet my kids at all. Then after a while if it looks like it might be a possibility of something long term, I introduce them as my friend and dont do any kissing or cuddeling or anything in front of them until they get used to the person... not that that has happened! I have been single since I had my daughter. I knew how hard it was to date with one kid, and decided it was impossible with two!! :) But now my daughter is 3 and I am almost done with college, so I decided to start seeing what is out there.
I am glad you added the last part. That is kinda the point I was trying to make, if you like someone a lot, then why should the children be the deciding factor? I have dated men with kids before, and I didnt feel the least bit thrown off course with their children, but that could and probably is because I have kids as well...
Thanks for the input from everyone, I know its been a few days!
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WeAreWhoWeAre: That is one reason why I will ALWAYS make it clear to the man , my kids are my responsibility and no one else's . I do not want to be financially supported so therefore they wouldn't have to worry about that part . Also I wouldn't burden the man with the cost of my kids . And the way I see it , if the man really wants a woman that has kids , IT'S A PACKAGE DEAL. I
also make it clear that I do the punishing when they do something wrong.
That way he's not the bad guy and I play the part so well lol .
also make it clear that I do the punishing when they do something wrong.
That way he's not the bad guy and I play the part so well lol .
Exactly! I am going to college right now, and I have always and will always support my kids. It is not a mans responcibility to take care of someone elses kids. Later down the line if it becomes a family, and he wants to help out, thats fine, but I would never pressure him to be the one to bear the financial burden of two children.
I play the part of the bad guy very well as well!! I prefer that I deal with my kids, not someone else. They are used to me, and I wouldnt want to throw them off, not to mention I wouldnt want them hating the new bf! It is not a mans place to come into a relationship where there are kids involved and have to be the disiplinarian- spelling??.. If my kids did something wrong while I wasnt around and the man had to take measures, i think putting them in the corner until I could deal with it would be ok, I wouldnt get mad or anything. Just sit them down and tell them to wait till their mom can deal with them...
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lenababi: I would be skeptic to get involved w/ a man that has kids especially for attachment issues and such, and me being pregnant i wouldn't just bring anyone around my child as it is.
Definately be careful of who you bring around your kids!! I never let a man know where I live or where my kids go to school or anything until I know him very well and trust him very well too!! Your childrens safety definately comes before any relationship!! I have always been adiment-spelling? about that!!
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mauroitalia: i am a single father who feels the same way you do.I think people don't want to deal with our baggage and definitively don't want to put up or raise kids that aren't theirs.it is sad but true.when ever i met someone and we started getting to know each other soon as my kids step in,that someone usually runs away.to be honest my kids come first,i am half the reason why they are in this world and they are not accepted no much i can do
See I am the type of person who would adopt a kid just to help the kid out. No matter whos kids they were, I would accept them as my own, just to be there for them and give them alife and a family that loves them. I dont think of children as baggage, but I suppose for a person without kids this is probably exactly what they think.
My kids always come first no matter what, I let any man know as soon as I meet him that I do have two kids, and they are my life, so if they arent interested in children, they wont be interested in me. I spend my days at the park in the summer or camping, fishing, or hiking- even my three year old loves to hike! I have three nephews and two neices as well, so I am normally around a LOT of kids at all times! It doesnt bother me at all!! I love kids, I guess most parents do, its kinda a requirement I think!
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As a young single guy I think the following makes me uneasy about a girl with kids:
You know she's gonna have far less free time especially if her kids are young, you also know their's gonna be a biological father in the background! Then there's the issue of kids not accepting you as the 'new guy' in their mummy's life....
Call it selfish if you like but that's how I fear it is.
But in the same breath, if I really liked her and she liked me too, I'm sure I'd learn to accept everything that comes with the package;)