Laugh Central - Jokes, Jokes, Jokes......... (22)
Here's one from a film i watched yesterday
Q:Why is a gun better than a woman?
A:You can put a silencer on a gun.........
Q:Why is a gun better than a woman?
A:You can put a silencer on a gun.........
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"The Ant And The Elephant"
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
"Damn!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
"Damn!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
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RobbieM: Here's one from a film i watched yesterday
Q:Why is a gun better than a woman?
A:You can put a silencer on a gun.........
Q:Why is a gun better than a woman?
A:You can put a silencer on a gun.........
Yours is the punch line to this Robbie
Ten Reasons Why a Handgun Is Better Than a Woman
In reverse order, they are:
10. You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s
9. You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're
on the road.
8. If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably
let you try it out a few times.
7. Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
6. Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.
5. A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
4. Handguns function normally every day of the month.
3. A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
2. A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
AND.....THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN....
1. You can buy a silencer for a handgun. (or what Robbie said)
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"Not Scared of Satan"
A few minutes before the services began, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate. Soon everyone exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope."
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years.
A few minutes before the services began, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate. Soon everyone exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope."
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years.
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Kids are Quick
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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MEMORY MAN
Dave the Scouser is touring America on holiday and stops in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He's chatting to the barman when he spies an old Indian sitting in a corner-complete with full tribal gear, long plaits and wrinkles.
"Who's he?" asks Dave.
"That's the Memory Man," says the barman.
"He knows everything. He can remember any fact. Go and try him out."
So Dave wanders over and asks: "Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?"
"Liverpool," replies the Memory Man.
The tourist is amazed.
"Who did they beat?"
"Leeds," comes the reply.
"And the score?"
"2-1."
Dave tries something more specific.
"Who scored the winning goal?"
The Indian does not even blink:
"Ian St John."
The Liverpudlian returns home and regales his relatives and friends with his tale, and he's determined to return and pay his respects to this amazing man.
Ten years later he has saved enough money and returns to America. After weeks of searching through the towns of Nevada, Dave finds the Memory Man in a cave in the mountains.
The Scouser steps forward, bows and greets the Indian in his traditional native tongue: "How."
The Memory Man squints at him and says:
"Diving header in the six-yard box."
Dave the Scouser is touring America on holiday and stops in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He's chatting to the barman when he spies an old Indian sitting in a corner-complete with full tribal gear, long plaits and wrinkles.
"Who's he?" asks Dave.
"That's the Memory Man," says the barman.
"He knows everything. He can remember any fact. Go and try him out."
So Dave wanders over and asks: "Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?"
"Liverpool," replies the Memory Man.
The tourist is amazed.
"Who did they beat?"
"Leeds," comes the reply.
"And the score?"
"2-1."
Dave tries something more specific.
"Who scored the winning goal?"
The Indian does not even blink:
"Ian St John."
The Liverpudlian returns home and regales his relatives and friends with his tale, and he's determined to return and pay his respects to this amazing man.
Ten years later he has saved enough money and returns to America. After weeks of searching through the towns of Nevada, Dave finds the Memory Man in a cave in the mountains.
The Scouser steps forward, bows and greets the Indian in his traditional native tongue: "How."
The Memory Man squints at him and says:
"Diving header in the six-yard box."
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A MOURNING'S PLAY
Two friends are playing golf at their local course. One is about to chip on to the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "That is the most touching thing I have ever seen. I never knew you were such a sensitive man."
The man replies: "Yeah, well, we were married for 35 years."
Two friends are playing golf at their local course. One is about to chip on to the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "That is the most touching thing I have ever seen. I never knew you were such a sensitive man."
The man replies: "Yeah, well, we were married for 35 years."
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WHO'S THE BOSS?
A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and said: "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers," she said.
"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the one who wears the trousers in this relationship."
With that she flipped him her knickers and said: "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your knickers!"
She replied:
"That's right... and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."
A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and said: "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers," she said.
"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the one who wears the trousers in this relationship."
With that she flipped him her knickers and said: "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your knickers!"
She replied:
"That's right... and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."
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trish123: Yours is the punch line to this Robbie
Ten Reasons Why a Handgun Is Better Than a Woman
In reverse order, they are:
10. You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s
9. You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're
on the road.
8. If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably
let you try it out a few times.
7. Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
6. Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.
5. A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
4. Handguns function normally every day of the month.
3. A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
2. A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
AND.....THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN....
1. You can buy a silencer for a handgun. (or what Robbie said)
Ten Reasons Why a Handgun Is Better Than a Woman
In reverse order, they are:
10. You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s
9. You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're
on the road.
8. If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably
let you try it out a few times.
7. Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
6. Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.
5. A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
4. Handguns function normally every day of the month.
3. A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
2. A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
AND.....THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN....
1. You can buy a silencer for a handgun. (or what Robbie said)
Trish, go rent or buy "shoot em up".
I think you'll like the humour, its very funny and Clive Owen is really great in it.
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Thanks Robbie, Ill check it out - I like Clive Owen 
DESPERATE TIMES
A man, a dog and a sheep are stranded on an island with no food or water. Nothing.
Months have passed and there is no hope of them ever getting off the island; chances are, they are going to die there. One night, as they all go to sleep, the man quietly gets up and moves close to the sheep and puts his arm around it. He then carefully flips the sheep onto its stomach, pulls his pants down, and flops out his manhood.
Suddenly, the dog gets up and starts barking at the man and scares him away from the sheep. The days and nights pass and each time the man tries to sleep with the sheep, the dog scares him off.
One morning, they all go for a walk along the beach to look for ships. Suddenly, the man hears screaming coming from the sea. He looks over at the water and sees a woman drowning a few metres from shore, so he rushes down, dives in and saves the helpless woman, and brings her back to the beach.
The man looks at the woman and realises that she is very beautiful and has an incredible body.
"You saved my life, " says the woman to the man. "I'll do anything you want. Anything."
The man thinks for a while. "You couldn't take that dog for a walk could you?"
DESPERATE TIMES
A man, a dog and a sheep are stranded on an island with no food or water. Nothing.
Months have passed and there is no hope of them ever getting off the island; chances are, they are going to die there. One night, as they all go to sleep, the man quietly gets up and moves close to the sheep and puts his arm around it. He then carefully flips the sheep onto its stomach, pulls his pants down, and flops out his manhood.
Suddenly, the dog gets up and starts barking at the man and scares him away from the sheep. The days and nights pass and each time the man tries to sleep with the sheep, the dog scares him off.
One morning, they all go for a walk along the beach to look for ships. Suddenly, the man hears screaming coming from the sea. He looks over at the water and sees a woman drowning a few metres from shore, so he rushes down, dives in and saves the helpless woman, and brings her back to the beach.
The man looks at the woman and realises that she is very beautiful and has an incredible body.
"You saved my life, " says the woman to the man. "I'll do anything you want. Anything."
The man thinks for a while. "You couldn't take that dog for a walk could you?"
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CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain."
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain."
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
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PLANE STUPID
The Pope, a schoolboy and an unnamed American President are in a plane. Suddenly the pilot suffers a heart attack and the craft takes a nosedive. As the engines sputter, the three passengers try to stay calm.
'Well,' says the Pope, 'we have established that none of us can land this baby, so we're going to have to jump for it.'
'But there are only two parachutes,' says the boy, pointing to a pile of bundles by the exit.
Without hesitating, the American President rushes over to them, takes one and shouts: 'I am the President of the United States of America. I am the world's most powerful leader. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of my country. I have a responsibility to my people not to die.'
With that, he leaps out of the plane.
Now the Pope turns calmly to the schoolboy and says: 'I am already old. I have already lived my life as a good person and a priest. There is a place for me in heaven. I insist you take the last parachute.'
'No need,' says the boy, 'America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag...'
The Pope, a schoolboy and an unnamed American President are in a plane. Suddenly the pilot suffers a heart attack and the craft takes a nosedive. As the engines sputter, the three passengers try to stay calm.
'Well,' says the Pope, 'we have established that none of us can land this baby, so we're going to have to jump for it.'
'But there are only two parachutes,' says the boy, pointing to a pile of bundles by the exit.
Without hesitating, the American President rushes over to them, takes one and shouts: 'I am the President of the United States of America. I am the world's most powerful leader. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of my country. I have a responsibility to my people not to die.'
With that, he leaps out of the plane.
Now the Pope turns calmly to the schoolboy and says: 'I am already old. I have already lived my life as a good person and a priest. There is a place for me in heaven. I insist you take the last parachute.'
'No need,' says the boy, 'America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag...'
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and this has to be the corniest joke ever 
GREAT RECEPTION
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
GREAT RECEPTION
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
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I just found an even cornier one than my last..........
BACON BUST
Two Mexicans have been lost in the desert for weeks. At death's door, they see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer, they see that it's draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon: smoked bacon; crispy bacon; life-giving, nearly raw, juicy bacon… all sorts of bacon.
"Hey, Pepe," says the first Mexican, "ees a bacon tree! We're saved!"
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree. As he gets to within five feet, he's gunned down in a hail of bullets. His friend drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe! Pepe! Que pasa hombre?"
With his last breath, Pepe calls out,
"Ugh, run, amigo, run, ees not a bacon tree, ees a ham bush."
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and the cornies keep coming..............
GOTCHA!
A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks, “What’s that for?”
“It’s for your headache.”
“I don’t have a headache.”
“Gotcha!”
GOTCHA!
A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks, “What’s that for?”
“It’s for your headache.”
“I don’t have a headache.”
“Gotcha!”
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MAN'S BEST FRIEND
A large dog walks into a butcher shop, carrying a purse in its mouth.
He puts the purse down and sits in front of the counter.
"What is it, boy?" the butcher asks. "Want to buy some meat?"
"Woof!" barks the dog.
"What kind?" says the butcher. "Liver, bacon, steak...?"
"Woof!" interrupts the dog.
"And how much steak? Half a pound, one pound...?"
"Woof!" signals the dog.
The amazed butcher wraps up the meat and finds the money in the dog's purse.
As the dog leaves, the butcher decides to follow.
The dog enters an apartment building, climbs to the third floor, and begins scratching at a door.
With that, the door swings open and an angry man starts shouting at the dog.
"Stop!" yells the butcher. "He's the most intelligent animal I've ever seen!"
"Intelligent?" counters the man. "This is the third time this week he's forgotten his key!"
A large dog walks into a butcher shop, carrying a purse in its mouth.
He puts the purse down and sits in front of the counter.
"What is it, boy?" the butcher asks. "Want to buy some meat?"
"Woof!" barks the dog.
"What kind?" says the butcher. "Liver, bacon, steak...?"
"Woof!" interrupts the dog.
"And how much steak? Half a pound, one pound...?"
"Woof!" signals the dog.
The amazed butcher wraps up the meat and finds the money in the dog's purse.
As the dog leaves, the butcher decides to follow.
The dog enters an apartment building, climbs to the third floor, and begins scratching at a door.
With that, the door swings open and an angry man starts shouting at the dog.
"Stop!" yells the butcher. "He's the most intelligent animal I've ever seen!"
"Intelligent?" counters the man. "This is the third time this week he's forgotten his key!"
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A good ol' boy (a GOB) from Alabama moved to California and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Alabama ."
Well, the boss liked the kid so much that he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did"
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
The kid says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. You're going to have to improve considerably or look for another job! How much was the sale for?"
The kid says, "$112,237.64."
The boss says, "$112,237.64?! What did you sell?!"
Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the lake, so I told him he was gonna need a boat.
So, I took him down to the boat department and I sold him a new bass boat. Then he said he didn't think his BMW would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that new Delux Ford pick-up.
I then asked him how long he was going to be out at the lake and after he said 5 or 6 days, I took him over to the RV department and sold him a slide-in top of the line camper for the truck."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat, a truck and a camper?!!!!"
Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Alabama ."
Well, the boss liked the kid so much that he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did"
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
The kid says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. You're going to have to improve considerably or look for another job! How much was the sale for?"
The kid says, "$112,237.64."
The boss says, "$112,237.64?! What did you sell?!"
Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the lake, so I told him he was gonna need a boat.
So, I took him down to the boat department and I sold him a new bass boat. Then he said he didn't think his BMW would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that new Delux Ford pick-up.
I then asked him how long he was going to be out at the lake and after he said 5 or 6 days, I took him over to the RV department and sold him a slide-in top of the line camper for the truck."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat, a truck and a camper?!!!!"
Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.
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A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
"Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent...stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
"Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent...stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
------ This thread is Archived ------
reelman90: A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
"Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent...stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
"Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent...stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
Good one, Brian!!!------ This thread is Archived ------
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Created: May 2008
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10 Ways to know if a redneck has been using your computer:
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have FORD truck parts in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba".
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. Ther's a skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is painted in camoflague.
And the #1 way to tell if a redneck has been using your computer is.....
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".....