Are we being a bit too picky , selective or cautious ? (87)
riyablossom: I was just wondering whether there's too much of thought going in to what should be , will not be , what we want , what we will do and wont do etc.
I mean when you are meeting someone with an interest in mind ..
a possible date or romantic involvement , minimum reasonable expectations are definitely a must to keep in mind but after that .....
Is it right to have predecided ideas on what should or will and should not be ?
I was thinking if one should let things take a natural course by just being " yourself " as that would be the best way ( i think ) to evaluate if there is a spark or even anything common to carry it further.
Maybe there should be more of spontaneity ??
On the other hand there does obviously exist the factor of unsurity about the other person making one wary to begin with.
What do you think ??
I mean when you are meeting someone with an interest in mind ..
a possible date or romantic involvement , minimum reasonable expectations are definitely a must to keep in mind but after that .....
Is it right to have predecided ideas on what should or will and should not be ?
I was thinking if one should let things take a natural course by just being " yourself " as that would be the best way ( i think ) to evaluate if there is a spark or even anything common to carry it further.
Maybe there should be more of spontaneity ??
On the other hand there does obviously exist the factor of unsurity about the other person making one wary to begin with.
What do you think ??
I agree.. we should try and go with our gut more and take a chance... not rush into things.. just give someone a chance.. afterall it is not the superficial qualities that are important at the end of the day.. IMO.. it is the person and their essence which you fall in love with at the end of the day....
Hiya Riya 
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riyablossom: I was just wondering whether there's too much of thought going in to what should be , will not be , what we want , what we will do and wont do etc.
I mean when you are meeting someone with an interest in mind ..
a possible date or romantic involvement , minimum reasonable expectations are definitely a must to keep in mind but after that .....
Is it right to have predecided ideas on what should or will and should not be ?
I was thinking if one should let things take a natural course by just being " yourself " as that would be the best way ( i think ) to evaluate if there is a spark or even anything common to carry it further.
Maybe there should be more of spontaneity ??
On the other hand there does obviously exist the factor of unsurity about the other person making one wary to begin with.
What do you think ??
I mean when you are meeting someone with an interest in mind ..
a possible date or romantic involvement , minimum reasonable expectations are definitely a must to keep in mind but after that .....
Is it right to have predecided ideas on what should or will and should not be ?
I was thinking if one should let things take a natural course by just being " yourself " as that would be the best way ( i think ) to evaluate if there is a spark or even anything common to carry it further.
Maybe there should be more of spontaneity ??
On the other hand there does obviously exist the factor of unsurity about the other person making one wary to begin with.
What do you think ??
Oh, I'm sure that we are guilty of doing this at certain points - over thinking and analyzing. Sometimes my mind jumps ahead and sometimes in conversations people voice their "dreams/ideas" but it doesn't come to fulfillment. Perhaps its just a natural tendency?
I think that I'm learning to have less expectations and to put the breaks on my mind rushing ahead. Easier said then done - mind you at some points. Think as well, I'm learning to guard my heart/emotions - to not get hooked in .... so if the relationship doesn't work - I'm ok. Been there/done that - where I've had my heart in shreds and I really don't like those emotions.
Truly at this point .... I'd love a relationship, but I also have hesitations considering my circumstances at this time - but in time, I know it will happen. I'm not in a rush - a good relationship takes time to develop and I'd rather have it develop naturally and easily.
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langleygirl: Oh, I'm sure that we are guilty of doing this at certain points - over thinking and analyzing. Sometimes my mind jumps ahead and sometimes in conversations people voice their "dreams/ideas" but it doesn't come to fulfillment. Perhaps its just a natural tendency?
I think that I'm learning to have less expectations and to put the breaks on my mind rushing ahead. Easier said then done - mind you at some points. Think as well, I'm learning to guard my heart/emotions - to not get hooked in .... so if the relationship doesn't work - I'm ok. Been there/done that - where I've had my heart in shreds and I really don't like those emotions.
Truly at this point .... I'd love a relationship, but I also have hesitations considering my circumstances at this time - but in time, I know it will happen. I'm not in a rush - a good relationship takes time to develop and I'd rather have it develop naturally and easily.
I think that I'm learning to have less expectations and to put the breaks on my mind rushing ahead. Easier said then done - mind you at some points. Think as well, I'm learning to guard my heart/emotions - to not get hooked in .... so if the relationship doesn't work - I'm ok. Been there/done that - where I've had my heart in shreds and I really don't like those emotions.
Truly at this point .... I'd love a relationship, but I also have hesitations considering my circumstances at this time - but in time, I know it will happen. I'm not in a rush - a good relationship takes time to develop and I'd rather have it develop naturally and easily.
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Everything happens in its own time........
My feeling cant rush a union.
Well boy can pay for the need.....says it all really...
My feeling cant rush a union.
Well boy can pay for the need.....says it all really...
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Yes she is far to picky and cautious
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PILIPALA: Yes she is far to picky and cautious
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:hiya: Philipa.. It's no harm to have certain 'non-negotiables'.. so not such a bad thing.. its just that people in general have lots of hidden treasures that you don't necessarily see straight away... well thats where most of my treasures are anyway
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I think once we have been hurt we all tend to look for potential warning signs when considering a new relationship which makes us cautious. I dont think it is realistic to place expectations on others. If you meet someone you find you are attracted to give it time and learn about that person, then decide if you feel there can be anykind of future
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riyablossom: I was just wondering whether there's too much of thought going in to what should be , will not be , what we want , what we will do and wont do etc.
I mean when you are meeting someone with an interest in mind ..
a possible date or romantic involvement , minimum reasonable expectations are definitely a must to keep in mind but after that .....
Is it right to have predecided ideas on what should or will and should not be ?
I was thinking if one should let things take a natural course by just being " yourself " as that would be the best way ( i think ) to evaluate if there is a spark or even anything common to carry it further.
Maybe there should be more of spontaneity ??
On the other hand there does obviously exist the factor of unsurity about the other person making one wary to begin with.
What do you think ??
I mean when you are meeting someone with an interest in mind ..
a possible date or romantic involvement , minimum reasonable expectations are definitely a must to keep in mind but after that .....
Is it right to have predecided ideas on what should or will and should not be ?
I was thinking if one should let things take a natural course by just being " yourself " as that would be the best way ( i think ) to evaluate if there is a spark or even anything common to carry it further.
Maybe there should be more of spontaneity ??
On the other hand there does obviously exist the factor of unsurity about the other person making one wary to begin with.
What do you think ??
aaaahhhh, Riya, you just hit the nail in the head with that one - not just for me but for many of us i believe.
I think that i am going to sack that little voice in my head and employ you from now on, hahahaahaaa
The point here has to be to give chances and just let things go while being your self. But then again, what is but a more definite way to start breaking people's hearts? people that you like, even more...
Because, if you do not think about those *small* details that would eventually not allow for everything to advance beyond a point, you are just creating a time bomb that will end up in hurt feelings or unfulfilled eagerness...
Take you for example... You are setting up to take a big step in your life and move to a new place. Maybe emotionally you are ready for a steady relationship, but your life's circumstances don’t allow for such a thing to happen at the moment.
So, what do you do every time you spot/meet someone that *feels* that he could be something? Do you initiate / carry on something with a person that is an ocean away? When you know that you will probably be tied up for the next couple of years?
I don’t know about you, but what I am saying here definitely projects to myself as well, because I am in that kind of situation and I have already broken someone’s heart by not giving so much attention to where I *need* to be geographically, and that experience makes me a lot more aware of these things… Maybe much more than I should be…
I don’t give chances, and that’s my problem. I am aware of it. But I know full well that once I initiate something I take it all the way down the road – and that makes me think twice of what will be at the end of this road.
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Aries01: I agree.. we should try and go with our gut more and take a chance... not rush into things.. just give someone a chance.. afterall it is not the superficial qualities that are important at the end of the day.. IMO.. it is the person and their essence which you fall in love with at the end of the day....
Hiya Riya
Hiya Riya
hahahahaaa,
ok,
now,
go find yourself a nice big big mirror, and repeat that oooohh, about 10 times
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Aries01: :hiya: Philipa.. It's no harm to have certain 'non-negotiables'.. so not such a bad thing.. its just that people in general have lots of hidden treasures that you don't necessarily see straight away... well thats where most of my treasures are anyway
they show
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so ..... one should usually wait to see if you hear the birds chirping in the backdrop of the meeting ( date ) leaving you all charmed .... or .. ermm evaluate the situation ??
Thankyou and ermmm will be back shortly.
Thankyou and ermmm will be back shortly.
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Hiya Manilito.. u just reminded me of something my Pastor said on Sunday evening.. we had a talk about relationships.. it makes alot of sense... he said we should 'date' with out eyes wide open, and commit with our eyes slightely closed.. and he said it was irresponsible for people to begin a relationship with someone, unless they are sure that there is a potential for distance.. he said that we have a responsibility to other peoples hearts... and it would not be fair for us to leave others hearts in shreds..
that makes sense to me.. particularly the 'eyes wide open' bit.. cause at the early stages of romance, we tend to want to fit that person into a box which we have fashioned, because our judgement is clouded... this is a mistake we all make I think... and the consequence is that we (unintentionally) hurt others and ourselves
So the fundamentals.. the non-negotiables need to be present in an individual before we consider dating them.. but at the same time.. judging on superficial things like looks and wealth etc.. may mean that we miss all the wonderful treasures in a person without giving them a chance... that why I think it makes perfect sense to be 'friends' first..
... good to see ya postin
that makes sense to me.. particularly the 'eyes wide open' bit.. cause at the early stages of romance, we tend to want to fit that person into a box which we have fashioned, because our judgement is clouded... this is a mistake we all make I think... and the consequence is that we (unintentionally) hurt others and ourselves
So the fundamentals.. the non-negotiables need to be present in an individual before we consider dating them.. but at the same time.. judging on superficial things like looks and wealth etc.. may mean that we miss all the wonderful treasures in a person without giving them a chance... that why I think it makes perfect sense to be 'friends' first..
... good to see ya postin ------ This thread is Archived ------
Manolito: they show
Ha Ha.. thanks Mano
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riyablossom: so ..... one should usually wait to see if you hear the birds chirping in the backdrop of the meeting ( date ) leaving you all charmed .... or .. ermm evaluate the situation ??
Thankyou and ermmm will be back shortly.
Thankyou and ermmm will be back shortly.
for me everything starts long before any meeting. Because if i reach the meeting stage, then i am already going down the road, too late. If there is a meeting, then i already have feelings, and i am not the type of person to shake off feelings easily once they are there.
From the meeting onwards, i kinda reach the curve point where feelings talk louder than sense and logic does.
So, i guess i am worse off
'Cause i dont even initiate something if i believe that it cannot have a future...Oh, and another thing:
I cannot handle distance relationships... if i am in a relationship, i need to be there... maybe that sheds a bit more light to what i am talking about
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Aries01: Hiya Manilito.. u just reminded me of something my Pastor said on Sunday evening.. we had a talk about relationships.. it makes alot of sense... he said we should 'date' with out eyes wide open, and commit with our eyes slightely closed.. and he said it was irresponsible for people to begin a relationship with someone, unless they are sure that there is a potential for distance.. he said that we have a responsibility to other peoples hearts... and it would not be fair for us to leave others hearts in shreds..
that makes sense to me.. particularly the 'eyes wide open' bit.. cause at the early stages of romance, we tend to want to fit that person into a box which we have fashioned, because our judgement is clouded... this is a mistake we all make I think... and the consequence is that we (unintentionally) hurt others and ourselves
So the fundamentals.. the non-negotiables need to be present in an individual before we consider dating them.. but at the same time.. judging on superficial things like looks and wealth etc.. may mean that we miss all the wonderful treasures in a person without giving them a chance... that why I think it makes perfect sense to be 'friends' first..
... good to see ya postin
that makes sense to me.. particularly the 'eyes wide open' bit.. cause at the early stages of romance, we tend to want to fit that person into a box which we have fashioned, because our judgement is clouded... this is a mistake we all make I think... and the consequence is that we (unintentionally) hurt others and ourselves
So the fundamentals.. the non-negotiables need to be present in an individual before we consider dating them.. but at the same time.. judging on superficial things like looks and wealth etc.. may mean that we miss all the wonderful treasures in a person without giving them a chance... that why I think it makes perfect sense to be 'friends' first..
... good to see ya postin
i aint been with no pastor ( i dont even know one), but those are exactly my feelings about this.
About the *fundamentals*...
(and just talking about this site)
i guess that's what our profiles are for, to lay down our fundamentals. So (just a random example), if i see a person that is 30years old, secretary, mother of 2, everything about her clicks (profile+forusm+personality etc) BUT she lives in Indiana, USA (or Poland, or Germany or take your pick)...
then,
i am more or less broke at the momment, i am in Cyprus, i am moving to London in 3 months and i will be tied up there for at least a year...
so, as far as our hearts are concerned, we might be a perfect match. But taking into account all the other little details, by initiating and carrying on contact i am just setting up to break her heart. People's hearts are precious, we should handle them with great care...
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Aries01: AND friendship is a good and worthwhile venture.. people undervalue friendship particularly between males and females... some of my most favourite people in the world are friends.. and some I consider family... friendship is a very precious thing indeed... and honesty of course...
Ooops forgot this...
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riyablossom: I was just wondering whether there's too much of thought going in to what should be , will not be , what we want , what we will do and wont do etc.
I mean when you are meeting someone with an interest in mind ..
a possible date or romantic involvement , minimum reasonable expectations are definitely a must to keep in mind but after that .....
Is it right to have predecided ideas on what should or will and should not be ?
I was thinking if one should let things take a natural course by just being " yourself " as that would be the best way ( i think ) to evaluate if there is a spark or even anything common to carry it further.
Maybe there should be more of spontaneity ??
On the other hand there does obviously exist the factor of unsurity about the other person making one wary to begin with.
What do you think ??
I mean when you are meeting someone with an interest in mind ..
a possible date or romantic involvement , minimum reasonable expectations are definitely a must to keep in mind but after that .....
Is it right to have predecided ideas on what should or will and should not be ?
I was thinking if one should let things take a natural course by just being " yourself " as that would be the best way ( i think ) to evaluate if there is a spark or even anything common to carry it further.
Maybe there should be more of spontaneity ??
On the other hand there does obviously exist the factor of unsurity about the other person making one wary to begin with.
What do you think ??
I think you do have to have SOME expectations.. even simple things like.. for me.
I want some that doesn't shout or raise their voice at me.. someone I can trust not to hurt me, physically, or intentionally verbally.. some one calm and relaxed.. etc.. I think those are pretty simple.. 'Wants' .. The rest I can see if we decide to take it further.
Thats why I worried about tweaking my profile.. and that it sounded like I wanted or expected too much..
but I don't think I do.. just simple expectations.
Marrrrrrrrrrrrrning!
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True Really Nice Guy... thats another thing my Pastor said.. about marriage.. he said that people shouldn't consider marrying unless they are ready.. he said we should ask ourselves honestly..... 'would I marry me? or let my brother/sister marry me??'.. we have to be healthy in ourselves and capable of such a commitment.. and ready to be selfless....
good post!!
good post!!------ This thread is Archived ------
Aries01: True Really Nice Guy... thats another thing my Pastor said.. about marriage.. he said that people shouldn't consider marrying unless they are ready.. he said we should ask ourselves honestly..... 'would I marry me? or let my brother/sister marry me??'.. we have to be healthy in ourselves and capable of such a commitment.. and ready to be selfless....
good post!!
good post!!
I agree with that.. and I know I would marry me.. or be happy for a member of my family too.
Sounds daft doesn't it...
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Created: May 2008
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I mean when you are meeting someone with an interest in mind ..
a possible date or romantic involvement , minimum reasonable expectations are definitely a must to keep in mind but after that .....
Is it right to have predecided ideas on what should or will and should not be ?
I was thinking if one should let things take a natural course by just being " yourself " as that would be the best way ( i think ) to evaluate if there is a spark or even anything common to carry it further.
Maybe there should be more of spontaneity ??
On the other hand there does obviously exist the factor of unsurity about the other person making one wary to begin with.
What do you think ??