Are we being a bit too picky , selective or cautious ? (87)
HJFinAZ: People that are overly cautious are very lonely people and will probably die very lonely people. People that are "cautious" are not being responsible for their own feelings. If we have been hurt, we need to own the fact that we allowed it, the feeling is ours. Nobody can hurt us unless we choose to hurt. We need to "grow up", wake up to life.
Instead of hiding behind a computer screen all day, I personally choose to be active and sociable. I get out into the real world and meet people. Example, my mom has her hair done every week. The lady that does it is very attractive and I did not notice any rings. I made an appointment for a manicure and engaged in conversation. I did not hide me, and I asked who she was.
We found out the basics about each other. She appeared excited about my racing activities so I offered to take her to the track for our next race in June, take her into the pits where the real action is,she accepted. She also was interested in my motorcycle show travels and I asked if she would like to go to Sturgis with me when I take the bikes. It will be a 2 week trip for me and she cannot be gone from work that long plus she has a teenage daughter at home. She asked if she could fly up for a couple days and I said she was free to do as she pleases.
She has no expectations and neither do I. The point I make is, GO LIVE YOUR LIFE!!! This is no test kiddies, it is the real thing and it is the only chance we will get.
Ask for what you want, and celebrate the no..............
Instead of hiding behind a computer screen all day, I personally choose to be active and sociable. I get out into the real world and meet people. Example, my mom has her hair done every week. The lady that does it is very attractive and I did not notice any rings. I made an appointment for a manicure and engaged in conversation. I did not hide me, and I asked who she was.
We found out the basics about each other. She appeared excited about my racing activities so I offered to take her to the track for our next race in June, take her into the pits where the real action is,she accepted. She also was interested in my motorcycle show travels and I asked if she would like to go to Sturgis with me when I take the bikes. It will be a 2 week trip for me and she cannot be gone from work that long plus she has a teenage daughter at home. She asked if she could fly up for a couple days and I said she was free to do as she pleases.
She has no expectations and neither do I. The point I make is, GO LIVE YOUR LIFE!!! This is no test kiddies, it is the real thing and it is the only chance we will get.
Ask for what you want, and celebrate the no..............
Yeah you are right.......sure i'm going to die....but not sure whether i'm going to die a lonely old person.....
Happy with my own company and dont see the sense in being with some one just for the sake of not being on your own.....
There are billions of people on this planet and each and every day you only have to look left or right and some one is there to talk to....
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obviously doing something wrong, heck if I know what it is
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I have had only 2 long term relationships, one was the worst the other was great. I have had some short terms, too.
but I think from the long term I have learned what makes me happy and and what I never want again. So in my mind if I am talking to someone, and they say things that sound like there related to what I do not like, it turns me off. I really think it's more of a protection factor. then anything.
I would get emails and flowers from a lot of guys. and I would agree to talk to them. but it would not last very long and I would have something important to do. Just to get out of the conversation. I had really started to think that I was really picky, and was condeming myself from finding anyone.
But then I answerd an email from a guy, and nothing happened. I liked talking to him and the more we talked the more I was seeing things in him that I knew I liked and wanted in my life. now a few months later, there doesnt seem to be very much that is more important then talking to him.
Really I think we have all gone thru good and bad relationships, and we all know what made us happy and what we miss or want in our lives. And we all know what made us angery what made us feel bad. And we are all just looking for the someone who we can be happy, and not feel negative.
JMO,
but I think from the long term I have learned what makes me happy and and what I never want again. So in my mind if I am talking to someone, and they say things that sound like there related to what I do not like, it turns me off. I really think it's more of a protection factor. then anything.
I would get emails and flowers from a lot of guys. and I would agree to talk to them. but it would not last very long and I would have something important to do. Just to get out of the conversation. I had really started to think that I was really picky, and was condeming myself from finding anyone.
But then I answerd an email from a guy, and nothing happened. I liked talking to him and the more we talked the more I was seeing things in him that I knew I liked and wanted in my life. now a few months later, there doesnt seem to be very much that is more important then talking to him.
Really I think we have all gone thru good and bad relationships, and we all know what made us happy and what we miss or want in our lives. And we all know what made us angery what made us feel bad. And we are all just looking for the someone who we can be happy, and not feel negative.
JMO,
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donno what to say....
i haven't been dating for a while...forgot even the lil experience i had
i haven't been dating for a while...forgot even the lil experience i had ------ This thread is Archived ------
Aries01: Ha Ha.. .me neither ... Open ur eyes guys!!!! .. two lovely women here.. what r ya waiting for!!!
Waiting for a lady in the USA !But if I set my sites so high,as to find one like the 2 of you here.
I think I will have a very very long wait ahead of me
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Not sure I have the full measure of your question, Riya, but I don't think the problem is having too many expectations or being too picky. I would say the problem could be having the *wrong* expectations and being picky about the *wrong* things.
I've seen plenty of profiles where the person emphasizes the minutiae and largely irrelevant factors in a relationship - liking a particular board game comes to mind (and no, I'm not referring to you, GG!!) - which makes me think I'm not entirely off-base here.
Hi, Riya!
I've seen plenty of profiles where the person emphasizes the minutiae and largely irrelevant factors in a relationship - liking a particular board game comes to mind (and no, I'm not referring to you, GG!!) - which makes me think I'm not entirely off-base here.
Hi, Riya!------ This thread is Archived ------
alabamabebe: Too cautious, me? Hardly. I can risk being hurt, because I believe in myself. I can survive. Letting myself love and care for another always adds to me. Even if the relationship doesn't last forever, the love survives in my heart, and I have gained from it.
Well said.
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In response to: Are we being a bit too picky , selective or cautious ?
Maybe many do
myself.. I really don't think so.
As we get older, we learn from our bad choices.
if we don't want to repeat our mistakes, we don't do things the same way,
I am very willing to wait for the right one, I will not lower my standards and accept less then I am looking for or deserve.
That seems to be one of the biggest problem with relationships....
Many people will not give themselves healing time between relationships.
If you cant bare spending time with yourself.. how long can you expect someone else to?
I know many that jump from one right to the next because they can't stand to be alone, not willing to work to support them self or any one of a million other wrong reasons............
Eyes partially closed......... not me! That is the sure way to get hurt.
Would you drive with your eyes closed?
(( those of you that drive while on a cell phone or texting while driving- dont answer that last one ))
I think we should know ahead of time what we really want.
we can bend a bit, but too much bending causes a break.
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Ambrose2007: Not sure I have the full measure of your question, Riya, but I don't think the problem is having too many expectations or being too picky. I would say the problem could be having the *wrong* expectations and being picky about the *wrong* things.
I've seen plenty of profiles where the person emphasizes the minutiae and largely irrelevant factors in a relationship - liking a particular board game comes to mind (and no, I'm not referring to you, GG!!) - which makes me think I'm not entirely off-base here.
Hi, Riya!
I've seen plenty of profiles where the person emphasizes the minutiae and largely irrelevant factors in a relationship - liking a particular board game comes to mind (and no, I'm not referring to you, GG!!) - which makes me think I'm not entirely off-base here.
Hi, Riya!
For me I may sound picky on wanting a man who loves the outdoors and into fishing, but the fact is the man I had married and had children with did not like that stuff. So I am looking and hoping for common fun stuff for me and my next guy to be able to share. It is not a absolute deal breaker if he isn't.
Are you talking about chess, where are the chess players, I want to kick butt. Playing or likeing chess is also not a requirement for my guy.
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Good question!! As I am being told by wise people, "any man is good until he's proved otherwise"... I believe the very main component is, indeed, his interest in the lady. Without that nothing is going to happen, no matter how he corresponds to any of our pre-conceived standards and expectations.
I believe the very main component is, indeed, his interest in the lady. Without that nothing is going to happen, no matter how he corresponds to any of our pre-conceived standards and expectations.------ This thread is Archived ------
Aries01: I agree.. we should try and go with our gut more and take a chance... not rush into things.. just give someone a chance.. afterall it is not the superficial qualities that are important at the end of the day.. IMO.. it is the person and their essence which you fall in love with at the end of the day.... Hiya Riya
helloo ...sorry people for delayed replying ...
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langleygirl: Oh, I'm sure that we are guilty of doing this at certain points - over thinking and analyzing. Sometimes my mind jumps ahead and sometimes in conversations people voice their "dreams/ideas" but it doesn't come to fulfillment. Perhaps its just a natural tendency?
I think that I'm learning to have less expectations and to put the breaks on my mind rushing ahead. Easier said then done - mind you at some points. Think as well, I'm learning to guard my heart/emotions - to not get hooked in .... so if the relationship doesn't work - I'm ok. Been there/done that - where I've had my heart in shreds and I really don't like those emotions.
Truly at this point .... I'd love a relationship, but I also have hesitations considering my circumstances at this time - but in time, I know it will happen. I'm not in a rush - a good relationship takes time to develop and I'd rather have it develop naturally and easily.
I think that I'm learning to have less expectations and to put the breaks on my mind rushing ahead. Easier said then done - mind you at some points. Think as well, I'm learning to guard my heart/emotions - to not get hooked in .... so if the relationship doesn't work - I'm ok. Been there/done that - where I've had my heart in shreds and I really don't like those emotions.
Truly at this point .... I'd love a relationship, but I also have hesitations considering my circumstances at this time - but in time, I know it will happen. I'm not in a rush - a good relationship takes time to develop and I'd rather have it develop naturally and easily.
so true !!
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morganlee: I think once we have been hurt we all tend to look for potential warning signs when considering a new relationship which makes us cautious. I dont think it is realistic to place expectations on others. If you meet someone you find you are attracted to give it time and learn about that person, then decide if you feel there can be anykind of future
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My last relationship was with a man I met online. We e-mailed back and forth just as friends, for months, before we met. If I would of seen his picture up front I probably would of never met him. I got to know him first thru our talks online. He was a great guy and I fell in love with him. We dated over three years. The problem was he didn't fall in love with me. We probably could of went on a lot longer. He was happy with the relationship but I need someone to love me.
Am I an Idiot or what?
Am I an Idiot or what?
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riyablossom:
Maybe there should be more of spontaneity ??
Maybe there should be more of spontaneity ??
I like, totally agree.... If two people want to meet, then who cares if it raining? What does it matter if neither of you have umbrellas? Just get your shirts wet and go for it.
I don't know about you, but almost any get together is more romantic when it's raining. (Provided that it's not too cold)
If you don't have a car...don't be too ashamed to take a bus. Just go with the flow... You can never tell where that bus might take you. (unless you look at a route map, or ask the driver) Attention Passengers...Next stop Romance.
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GRshygirl: My last relationship was with a man I met online. We e-mailed back and forth just as friends, for months, before we met. If I would of seen his picture up front I probably would of never met him. I got to know him first thru our talks online. He was a great guy and I fell in love with him. We dated over three years. The problem was he didn't fall in love with me. We probably could of went on a lot longer. He was happy with the relationship but I need someone to love me.
Am I an Idiot or what?
Am I an Idiot or what?
no idiots here Sweetie ------ This thread is Archived ------
prncss4someone: no idiots here Sweetie
yeh, just the men....
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stefonline: Yeah you are right.......sure i'm going to die....but not sure whether i'm going to die a lonely old person.....
Happy with my own company and dont see the sense in being with some one just for the sake of not being on your own.....
There are billions of people on this planet and each and every day you only have to look left or right and some one is there to talk to....
idHappy with my own company and dont see the sense in being with some one just for the sake of not being on your own.....
There are billions of people on this planet and each and every day you only have to look left or right and some one is there to talk to....
Lonely, you will not be. You are way to outgoing and your attitude ising in my buddies pickup much to positive.
I like me too. Some do not but that is none of my business. I am happy with me and that is what counts.
Living life. Right now I am riiding in my buddies pickup, with the 5th wheel behind us. Head tSUch a bad life I have..
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stefonline: I am picky, selective and cautious......I intend to stay that way......
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I mean when you are meeting someone with an interest in mind ..
a possible date or romantic involvement , minimum reasonable expectations are definitely a must to keep in mind but after that .....
Is it right to have predecided ideas on what should or will and should not be ?
I was thinking if one should let things take a natural course by just being " yourself " as that would be the best way ( i think ) to evaluate if there is a spark or even anything common to carry it further.
Maybe there should be more of spontaneity ??
On the other hand there does obviously exist the factor of unsurity about the other person making one wary to begin with.
What do you think ??
I am picky, selective and cautious......I intend to stay that way......