Revealing Your True Self (88)
Justme4uok: Or could it be disappointment in ourseleves for setting these expectations?
My only expectation is honesty.
You meet someone you like, spend time with them and learn about each other and enjoy their company. If it turns out to be forever, great, if not, why is that viewed as such a bad thing.
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kidatheart: My only expectation is honesty.You meet someone you like, spend time with them and learn about each other and enjoy their company. If it turns out to be forever, great, if not, why is that viewed as such a bad thing.
I like that. if it dont work out why cant we still be friends 
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kidatheart: My only expectation is honesty.You meet someone you like, spend time with them and learn about each other and enjoy their company. If it turns out to be forever, great, if not, why is that viewed as such a bad thing.
I definately agree with you. I do not know why it is viewed as bad. I dont. I see it as a way of growth. Within one's ownself to discover things about themselves. It is also the only way to find the one that is going to work and be right for you. If we dont try to date, how are we going to find the one that we will eventually be with?
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kidatheart: My only expectation is honesty.You meet someone you like, spend time with them and learn about each other and enjoy their company. If it turns out to be forever, great, if not, why is that viewed as such a bad thing.
I'm with you on that one! Friendships can be just as valuable!
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Shanmariee: Those are good questions. I think it's the whole get caught up with the first phraze of attraction that they dont think clearly what is beneath that. Who is this real person? They just like how they feel at first and go on that, then when the spark starts fading they leave. I've seen this over and over again with my friends. They say they are careful and cautious but that is not enough. Where is effort? No one seems to want to put forth any effort to make a good relationship. They ride what they can of it and leave it seems.
If the spark fizzles that quickly, is there a point in making an effort? Better off with someone where that spark remains.
Still don't see why it seems to end in misery, unhappiness and sometimes hate.
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Justme4uok:
At the start of the relationship, we are swept away by emotions and fantasies and expect the other person to fulfill them. When those expectations aren't met and we begin to see the imperfections and differences in our partner, we walk away. We search for the "perfect" partner, not knowing that he/she can never be enough because he/she will always be different from what we expect.
Your partner has to get to know the real you -- what you're like when you're tired, angry, frustrated, elated or talking to your Mom on the phone. They have to love you as you are, not as they hope you might be. Anything less won't last.
. (JMO) Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this.
At the start of the relationship, we are swept away by emotions and fantasies and expect the other person to fulfill them. When those expectations aren't met and we begin to see the imperfections and differences in our partner, we walk away. We search for the "perfect" partner, not knowing that he/she can never be enough because he/she will always be different from what we expect.
Your partner has to get to know the real you -- what you're like when you're tired, angry, frustrated, elated or talking to your Mom on the phone. They have to love you as you are, not as they hope you might be. Anything less won't last.
. (JMO) Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this.
I think this is a great post, but this paragraph stood out to me. this is why i feel bad when people declare 'they are madly in love' here after only maybe one or less meeting. Yes , there can be a fabulous attraction, but you have to actually know a person, before you can be 'in love ' with them.
I have learned a lot since being single abut what i look for in a man, and , thankfully, have come to realise that just because a man isn't 'perfect' doesn;t mean that he isn't perfect for me.
I know ( yes i have had to struggle to believe it
)I am not perfect, so why should i expect anyone else to be.?If we are honest and upfront about our needs, beliefs and also faults, it makes it much easier for the other person to decide...'can i be happy with this person'? I am becoming a lot more upfront, though believe i stil have a ways to go
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kidatheart: If the spark fizzles that quickly, is there a point in making an effort? Better off with someone where that spark remains.
Still don't see why it seems to end in misery, unhappiness and sometimes hate.
Still don't see why it seems to end in misery, unhappiness and sometimes hate.
Could it be because these people have a need to place blame rather than looking at themselves or just understanding that this was not the person for them...
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kidatheart: If the spark fizzles that quickly, is there a point in making an effort? Better off with someone where that spark remains.
Still don't see why it seems to end in misery, unhappiness and sometimes hate.
Still don't see why it seems to end in misery, unhappiness and sometimes hate.
I thinks its because we can only control our own thoughts and feelings and sometimes people are on a one way street
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jampet: I think this is a great post, but this paragraph stood out to me. this is why i feel bad when people declare 'they are madly in love' here after only maybe one or less meeting. Yes , there can be a fabulous attraction, but you have to actually know a person, before you can be 'in love ' with them.
I have learned a lot since being single abut what i look for in a man, and , thankfully, have come to realise that just because a man isn't 'perfect' doesn;t mean that he isn't perfect for me.
I know ( yes i have had to struggle to believe it )I am not perfect, so why should i expect anyone else to be.?
If we are honest and upfront about our needs, beliefs and also faults, it makes it much easier for the other person to decide...'can i be happy with this person'? I am becoming a lot more upfront, though believe i stil have a ways to go
I have learned a lot since being single abut what i look for in a man, and , thankfully, have come to realise that just because a man isn't 'perfect' doesn;t mean that he isn't perfect for me.
I know ( yes i have had to struggle to believe it )I am not perfect, so why should i expect anyone else to be.?
If we are honest and upfront about our needs, beliefs and also faults, it makes it much easier for the other person to decide...'can i be happy with this person'? I am becoming a lot more upfront, though believe i stil have a ways to go
Yes none of us are perfect but it's being able to live with each others imperfections that makes us perfect for each other I think..when we find it!!!!!!!!!
That's what makes for a long-term relationship anyway...if you can't I guess it becomes short-term!!!!!!!!
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Hugz_n_Kissez: Yes none of us are perfect but it's being able to live with each others imperfections that makes us perfect for each other I think..when we find it!!!!!!!!!That's what makes for a long-term relationship anyway...if you can't I guess it becomes short-term!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I think we should create a thread and list what we believe to be our imperfections, maybe that way we have put them out there and people can determine if they can deal with them or not...Might save some of us some time.
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Justme4uok: Sometimes I think we should create a thread and list what we believe to be our imperfections, maybe that way we have put them out there and people can determine if they can deal with them or not...Might save some of us some time.
True...I'll list mine right now:
I procrastinate...
I don't like to cook...
I am a career woman not a domestic...
I smoke...
I like to have a few drinks...
I can be a workaholic or extremely lazy some days....
I like to talk a lot....
I like to take things a day at a time...
I am afraid of heights so no mountain climbing dates...
I am extremely bad with directions....
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Justme4uok: Could it be because these people have a need to place blame rather than looking at themselves or just understanding that this was not the person for them...
Either way it make a person hesitant to date or meet people. I would never want to be the reason for causing someone else any hurt or anguish, nor do I want to feel as if I'm being held resposible for another's feelings.
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kidatheart: Either way it make a person hesitant to date or meet people. I would never want to be the reason for causing someone else any hurt or anguish, nor do I want to feel as if I'm being held resposible for another's feelings.
I don't think any of us truely want to cause anyone else hurt or anguish.... I could be wrong, but when one gets rejected even whrn they know that it is not a good match they lash out... whichI believe is an issue within themselves and there selfworth.
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Hugz_n_Kissez: True...I'll list mine right now:I procrastinate...
I don't like to cook...
I am a career woman not a domestic...
I smoke...
I like to have a few drinks...
I can be a workaholic or extremely lazy some days....
I like to talk a lot....
I like to take things a day at a time...
I am afraid of heights so no mountain climbing dates...
I am extremely bad with directions....
I don't like to cook...
I am a career woman not a domestic...
I smoke...
I like to have a few drinks...
I can be a workaholic or extremely lazy some days....
I like to talk a lot....
I like to take things a day at a time...
I am afraid of heights so no mountain climbing dates...
I am extremely bad with directions....
Wow good for you Shelley.... I'l start on my list ...it may take me awhile, LOL
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Justme4uok: Wow good for you Shelley.... I'l start on my list ...it may take me awhile, LOL
Oh I'm sure there's more...I just can't think of them right now....
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Hugz_n_Kissez: Oh I'm sure there's more...I just can't think of them right now....
Well thanks for participating in this thread. I appreciate your comments!
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Justme4uok: Well thanks for participating in this thread. I appreciate your comments!
No probs darlin...it's a great thread....
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hi Dori,
Believe or not, I read the entire chapter
I commend you for showing your soft side.
The "true love" phenomenon is a little more complicated than partners not knowing what they want. You can have all the positive attributes in the world and the determination to accept and love your partner for who they are but you may still not find the love, probably for the very reason you described as "co-creation".
I am an old-schooler. I think that love does not need rationalization. Get-along factor alone does not guarantee love. You've got to have it in your guts. And, you'll know when it hits.
OK. Enough mumbling on my part.
* going back under the goofy "mask"
Believe or not, I read the entire chapter
I commend you for showing your soft side.The "true love" phenomenon is a little more complicated than partners not knowing what they want. You can have all the positive attributes in the world and the determination to accept and love your partner for who they are but you may still not find the love, probably for the very reason you described as "co-creation".
I am an old-schooler. I think that love does not need rationalization. Get-along factor alone does not guarantee love. You've got to have it in your guts. And, you'll know when it hits.
OK. Enough mumbling on my part.
* going back under the goofy "mask"
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airliner: hi Dori,
Believe or not, I read the entire chapter
I commend you for showing your soft side.
The "true love" phenomenon is a little more complicated than partners not knowing what they want. You can have all the positive attributes in the world and the determination to accept and love your partner for who they are but you may still not find the love, probably for the very reason you described as "co-creation".
I am an old-schooler. I think that love does not need rationalization. Get-along factor alone does not guarantee love. You've got to have it in your guts. And, you'll know when it hits.
OK. Enough mumbling on my part.
* going back under the goofy "mask"
Believe or not, I read the entire chapter
I commend you for showing your soft side.
The "true love" phenomenon is a little more complicated than partners not knowing what they want. You can have all the positive attributes in the world and the determination to accept and love your partner for who they are but you may still not find the love, probably for the very reason you described as "co-creation".
I am an old-schooler. I think that love does not need rationalization. Get-along factor alone does not guarantee love. You've got to have it in your guts. And, you'll know when it hits.
OK. Enough mumbling on my part.
* going back under the goofy "mask"
Softer side
You better not tell anyone!
Thanks for your comments
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Why does it seem that if things don't work out that some people feel the need to hate or lament over what wasn't.
Unrealistic expectations?
Those are good questions. I think it's the whole get caught up with the first phraze of attraction that they dont think clearly what is beneath that. Who is this real person? They just like how they feel at first and go on that, then when the spark starts fading they leave. I've seen this over and over again with my friends. They say they are careful and cautious but that is not enough. Where is effort? No one seems to want to put forth any effort to make a good relationship. They ride what they can of it and leave it seems.