Revealing Your True Self ( Archived) (88)

I don't usually start many threads, however after taking a really hard look at myself and seeing how others interact on this site and my own behavoir, I just wanted to share the following thoughts.

Everybody wants to be loved for who they really are - beneath the masks they wear, the impressions they try to make and the mind games they play. But how do we go about doing that?

Many of the images we have of love and romance come from movies, television and romance novels. They're all about pursuit and capture, dominance and submission. Once the guy gets the girl, the movie ends. That leaves us with a considerably incomplete picture of love as it is in the real world.

At the start of the relationship, we are swept away by emotions and fantasies and expect the other person to fulfill them. When those expectations aren't met and we begin to see the imperfections and differences in our partner, we walk away. We search for the "perfect" partner, not knowing that he/she can never be enough because he/she will always be different from what we expect.

The beautiful thing about a romantic relationship is that love isn't found or fallen into -- it is co-created. Yet there are countless people who search for love as if it belongs to someone else. We don't find love. We find one another and allow love to grow between us.

Your partner has to get to know the real you -- what you're like when you're tired, angry, frustrated, elated or talking to your Mom on the phone. They have to love you as you are, not as they hope you might be. Anything less won't last.

Have you seen or read Bridget Jones's Diary? There's one scene where Mark Darcy tells Bridget "I like you, just as you are." She is floored. Why such a strong reaction to a simple comment? Because Mark is telling her that he really sees her and he likes what he sees. He didn't say he'd like her ten pounds lighter, or a little more sophisticated, or prettier, or better read. He likes her as she is, unconditionally. She doesn't have to try and impress him, he's already impressed.

A couple's love is tested through conflict and when they emerge from that still wanting to be together, they have proved that differences can be a good thing. Although many of us have the notion that differences are a dreadful thing, they actually open the way to true intimacy. They give us the opportunity to value how different we are from the one we love and use those differences to grow and change.

Knowing that you are loved for who you are lets you relax and let your guard down. It lets you be honest without fear of rejection, and frankly, it feels great.

We need to love others for whom they are if we desire to be loved in the same way. As two people look deeper and deeper into the relationship, they will find that the emotional intimacy between them expands so that there is more room for both of them. And remember that if you're not being loved for who you really are, you're not being loved at all. (JMO) Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this.

Yeah, just be yourself. Personally I would rather be hated for something that I am than be loved for something I'm not.

Very well said darlin....I like this part the best:


We need to love others for whom they are if we desire to be loved in the same way. As two people look deeper and deeper into the relationship, they will find that the emotional intimacy between them expands so that there is more room for both of them. And remember that if you're not being loved for who you really are, you're not being loved at all. (JMO) Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this.



I show all parts of me on here...it might be bits and pieces at a time...but they are all me...like me for who I am or not at all!!!!!!!!!

I'll have to read it all tomorrow since i'm finalising a paper for early tomorrow

Thanks for your comments.

Well I think that is what is so great about the forums.... We get to show some of our true colors. In the end we are revealing some of who we truely are! Even if on occasion it is cheeky or quirky to someone else!