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when its over ( Archived) (15)

Oct 15, 2008 9:29 AM CST when its over
kkitty4u
kkitty4ukkitty4uSt Paul, Minnesota USA33 Threads 3 Polls 1,824 Posts
I just would like some different views on this

OK heres the situation I was in a long term relationship and we have a daughter together and well it has been a bad relationship for a long time and I finally left and it was going OK until one night he showed up and he got violent and hurt me. I pressed charges and now I have so many fears that I cant even think straight sometimes. what would be the best way to explain this to my daughter and how would u handle the situation? would u allow him to see her?

This is what I plan to do have no contact at all what so ever and let him take me to court for visitation rights and then tell the courts my fears and see what they say about the situation dunno help
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Oct 15, 2008 9:35 AM CST when its over
shipoker58
shipoker58shipoker58Las Vegas, Nevada USA35 Threads 4,332 Posts
kkitty4u: I just would like some different views on this

OK heres the situation I was in a long term relationship and we have a daughter together and well it has been a bad relationship for a long time and I finally left and it was going OK until one night he showed up and he got violent and hurt me. I pressed charges and now I have so many fears that I cant even think straight sometimes. what would be the best way to explain this to my daughter and how would u handle the situation? would u allow him to see her?

This is what I plan to do have no contact at all what so ever and let him take me to court for visitation rights and then tell the courts my fears and see what they say about the situation




Use a community resouce as a go betwen to monitor visits with his child. Such as DCF or a community program. PLEASE do not use the children as a pawn in a game with the father. Get a restraining order and have his visits with the shild, monitored
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Oct 15, 2008 9:35 AM CST when its over
sweetvelvet
sweetvelvetsweetvelvetdublin, Dublin Ireland39 Threads 1 Polls 7,878 Posts
kkitty4u: I just would like some different views on this

OK heres the situation I was in a long term relationship and we have a daughter together and well it has been a bad relationship for a long time and I finally left and it was going OK until one night he showed up and he got violent and hurt me. I pressed charges and now I have so many fears that I cant even think straight sometimes. what would be the best way to explain this to my daughter and how would u handle the situation? would u allow him to see her?

This is what I plan to do have no contact at all what so ever and let him take me to court for visitation rights and then tell the courts my fears and see what they say about the situation

i had a friend who had a similar experience and the courts gave him supervised visits and told him to go on an angermanagment course before he was allowed to have unsupervised visits.
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Oct 15, 2008 9:52 AM CST when its over
See the above posts..thumbs up
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Oct 15, 2008 9:56 AM CST when its over
trish123
trish123trish123Macclesfield, Cheshire, England UK231 Threads 6 Polls 19,911 Posts
kkitty4u: I just would like some different views on this

OK heres the situation I was in a long term relationship and we have a daughter together and well it has been a bad relationship for a long time and I finally left and it was going OK until one night he showed up and he got violent and hurt me. I pressed charges and now I have so many fears that I cant even think straight sometimes. what would be the best way to explain this to my daughter and how would u handle the situation? would u allow him to see her?

This is what I plan to do have no contact at all what so ever and let him take me to court for visitation rights and then tell the courts my fears and see what they say about the situation


How old is your daughter Kitty?

sorry you are having to go through this....... hug
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Oct 15, 2008 9:57 AM CST when its over
kissmedeeply
kissmedeeplykissmedeeplyPetitcodiac, New Brunswick Canada81 Threads 21,310 Posts
First of all i am really sorry...

and i hope the child didnt see him being violent...

Fine if you dont want to see him..

but i think the child should have the right to see her father..

but if he is violent with her..Hell Noooooooooooooo...

Make sure he has supervise visit..

but i hope you dont talk badly about her father...

just try to explain the best way you can and be gentle..

No child likes a parent to talk badly about the other..

All the best hunhug
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Oct 15, 2008 9:58 AM CST when its over
Fallingman
FallingmanFallingmanDublin, Ireland45 Threads 17 Polls 18,473 Posts
Tough situation but I think the advice you were given above is good! wave
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Oct 15, 2008 9:58 AM CST when its over
kkitty4u
kkitty4ukkitty4uSt Paul, Minnesota USA33 Threads 3 Polls 1,824 Posts
shipoker58: Use a community resouce as a go betwen to monitor visits with his child. Such as DCF or a community program. PLEASE do not use the children as a pawn in a game with the father. Get a restraining order and have his visits with the shild, monitored


oh that is the last thing I want to do so this is why I am looking for some advice on how to tell my daughter and even what I should tell her
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Oct 15, 2008 10:03 AM CST when its over
kkitty4u
kkitty4ukkitty4uSt Paul, Minnesota USA33 Threads 3 Polls 1,824 Posts
trish123: How old is your daughter Kitty?

sorry you are having to go through this.......



she is six
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Oct 15, 2008 10:04 AM CST when its over
trish123
trish123trish123Macclesfield, Cheshire, England UK231 Threads 6 Polls 19,911 Posts
kkitty4u: she is six


how much does she know already? she must have asked where he is.......
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Oct 15, 2008 10:10 AM CST when its over
kkitty4u
kkitty4ukkitty4uSt Paul, Minnesota USA33 Threads 3 Polls 1,824 Posts
trish123: how much does she know already? she must have asked where he is.......


I think she seen it all she was here when it all happend and when he was leaving he said I tripped.
and yesterday she asked me if I tripped and I didnt know what to say to her
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Oct 15, 2008 10:14 AM CST when its over
kkitty4u
kkitty4ukkitty4uSt Paul, Minnesota USA33 Threads 3 Polls 1,824 Posts
kissmedeeply: First of all i am really sorry...

and i hope the child didnt see him being violent...

Fine if you dont want to see him..

but i think the child should have the right to see her father..

but if he is violent with her..Hell Noooooooooooooo...

Make sure he has supervise visit..

but i hope you dont talk badly about her father...

just try to explain the best way you can and be gentle..

No child likes a parent to talk badly about the other..

All the best hun
yeah I know she has a right to be with her father. but then I think of my rights
and I am afraid and I do not want any contact with him at all what so ever. He also has threatened to take her away he has family all over the place and at this point I have no clue as to what he could be planning
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Oct 15, 2008 10:38 AM CST when its over
trish123
trish123trish123Macclesfield, Cheshire, England UK231 Threads 6 Polls 19,911 Posts
kkitty4u: I think she seen it all she was here when it all happend and when he was leaving he said I tripped.
and yesterday she asked me if I tripped and I didnt know what to say to her


awww, sweet innocence hey...........

how will he be with her if you do allow contact and has this made her afraid of him?

I got the list below from;

I think there are American offices of this org too - hope it helps...........


How can I help my children?

Talk openly with them and answer any questions they may have, as honestly as you are able, using words that match their age and stage of development.

Make sure they know the abuse is not their fault.

Teach them abuse is not acceptable.

Help them discuss their feelings. Bottling up their feelings can create additional pressure. Listen to what they have to say and respond with respect and understanding.

Avoid burdening them with adult responsibilities. As much as they may want to help, it is not their job to look after you .

Encourage them to mix with other people. Contact with other people will make your children feel less isolated and boost their confidence. They will also have the opportunity to see other men behaving respectfully towards their partners

Help them to stay safe. Teach them to call 999 and speak to the police so they know how to get emergency help. But warn them that it is dangerous to intervene if you are being attacked. Tell them they are not responsible for protecting you.

Teach them to reach out for help by doing so yourself. Show them that getting help is a positive step and that there is nothing to be ashamed of.

Try to boost their self-esteem by letting them know you love them, praising them and encouraging their interests.




Stay safe Hun........... hug
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Oct 15, 2008 10:52 AM CST when its over
gtthomas
gtthomasgtthomasTowson, Maryland USA6 Threads 1,639 Posts
kkitty4u: I just would like some different views on this

OK heres the situation I was in a long term relationship and we have a daughter together and well it has been a bad relationship for a long time and I finally left and it was going OK until one night he showed up and he got violent and hurt me. I pressed charges and now I have so many fears that I cant even think straight sometimes. what would be the best way to explain this to my daughter and how would u handle the situation? would u allow him to see her?

This is what I plan to do have no contact at all what so ever and let him take me to court for visitation rights and then tell the courts my fears and see what they say about the situation
I would stay away from him....
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Oct 15, 2008 4:06 PM CST when its over
kkitty4u
kkitty4ukkitty4uSt Paul, Minnesota USA33 Threads 3 Polls 1,824 Posts
trish123: awww, sweet innocence hey...........

how will he be with her if you do allow contact and has this made her afraid of him?

I got the list below from;

I think there are American offices of this org too - hope it helps...........How can I help my children?

Talk openly with them and answer any questions they may have, as honestly as you are able, using words that match their age and stage of development.

Make sure they know the abuse is not their fault.

Teach them abuse is not acceptable.

Help them discuss their feelings. Bottling up their feelings can create additional pressure. Listen to what they have to say and respond with respect and understanding.

Avoid burdening them with adult responsibilities. As much as they may want to help, it is not their job to look after you .

Encourage them to mix with other people. Contact with other people will make your children feel less isolated and boost their confidence. They will also have the opportunity to see other men behaving respectfully towards their partners

Help them to stay safe. Teach them to call 999 and speak to the police so they know how to get emergency help. But warn them that it is dangerous to intervene if you are being attacked. Tell them they are not responsible for protecting you.

Teach them to reach out for help by doing so yourself. Show them that getting help is a positive step and that there is nothing to be ashamed of.

Try to boost their self-esteem by letting them know you love them, praising them and encouraging their interests.

Stay safe Hun...........
wow Trish this was a great help thanks so much hug teddybear
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by kkitty4u (33 Threads)
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Created: Oct 2008
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