Places not to try and pull yourself a ”puma” ( Archived) (15)

Don’t try them, trust me. You’ll either get laughed in your face, get slapped, or have your teeth punched out. Some might even get you murdered.

10. The oil-filter section at the auto parts warehouse
- Well, hello there, you little snack, you. You can play under my hood any time you want. How about you come home with me, you borrow a blue worker’s overall and I let you play with my monkey wrench?

9. The confession booth at the Catholic church
- Forgive me father, but I want to sin a bit now. Do you have any good tip on which of these sweet crackers stood in line outside are willing to do it under the altar when you’re done with your thing here?

8. Waiting room to where they put down sick animals at the Animal Hospital
- Nevermind the dog now, it’s as good as dead anyway! Let’s go home to you and hump like two rabbits on crack, instead of being sat here crying over spilled fur?

7. Seconds before they open up Shoes’R’Us for the annual big sales, when 1,200 women are about to storm the place and attack them shoes like Ninjas.
- Why don’t you come home to me and take off my shoes, instead of be standing here elbowing your way for yet another pair?

6. During the annual parent’s meeting at your kids school
- Is your man perhaps on a business trip, mama?

5. A Hells Angels party out on their ranch
- I can scratch you where you have an itch, you know, until he’s served his sentence, would you like that?

4. The rough little local down on the corner where only drunks hang out
- I thought that was smeared lipstick you had on your face from when you fell into a short coma, smacked your head into your shoulder-bag which was on the bar, and you smashed everything with your right cheekbone, but that’s dried blood from when you hit your face in the door while you were on your way to the toilet, isn’t it?

3. Party at your neighbors, with whom you previously have never spoken, you just met them down at the rough little local on the corner where only drunks hang, three bottles of Vodka have been downed at fast pace, it’s 3:45 in the morning
- What say you, woman, do you wanna? He’s asleep anyway, your bloke.

2. Kurdish wedding at a big rented suburban restaurant
- Don’t you want to join me in the pantry and I’ll show you some real Halal, honey?

1. VD-clinic, waiting-room
- Hello love, how about when you’ve checked whether you have Chlamydia or not, and I’ve checked whether I have rocket-scabies or just plain old scabies, we go home to my place for some new adventures?

OMG!!!!!!!!!!! You're not right.....

So I've heard

More than once too I bet....

Count them, they're there in plain sight in the very first post. 10 times, at least.

I had a mate who once approached a woman at a bar and asked her:

- Do you want to come home with me and see a magic trick?

- Say what? She replied

- Well, first we fu**, and then you disappear!

Cue, big slap on his face.

I can't figure out why she woulda reacted that way.....