Is Marriage an Act of Desperation? (134)
JacobGrimm: To qualify even further, just being 'attached' or in a serious relationship.
So many people rely on and or talk about soulmates, as if there is only this one solution to being alone in life. Desperately seeking the one. How many people do we pass by as unsuitable without examination, in this desperation and is it healthy for us to consider but one single choice.
With so much failure in relationships, is monogamy a cause of this desperation, abiding a delusion created by religion's moral codes.
If marriage is an act of love, what is love an act of?
So many people rely on and or talk about soulmates, as if there is only this one solution to being alone in life. Desperately seeking the one. How many people do we pass by as unsuitable without examination, in this desperation and is it healthy for us to consider but one single choice.
With so much failure in relationships, is monogamy a cause of this desperation, abiding a delusion created by religion's moral codes.
If marriage is an act of love, what is love an act of?
Marriage is a partnership which may or may not include Love.
Love is Truth
Love is God
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Marriage is a very personal thing. On one hand, you've got people who just want to get married to someone just for some lame reason like improving their own credit rating or sneaking through some tax loophole (and they only care about marrying anything that walks).
Then OTOH you've got the middle aged men and women who are terrified of commitment because they have the mentalities of teenagers.
Then OTOH you've got the middle aged men and women who are terrified of commitment because they have the mentalities of teenagers.
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ok, here's what the OP "asks" ............ oh ... never mind
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JacobGrimm: To qualify even further, just being 'attached' or in a serious relationship.
So many people rely on and or talk about soulmates, as if there is only this one solution to being alone in life. Desperately seeking the one. How many people do we pass by as unsuitable without examination, in this desperation and is it healthy for us to consider but one single choice.
With so much failure in relationships, is monogamy a cause of this desperation, abiding a delusion created by religion's moral codes.
If marriage is an act of love, what is love an act of?
So many people rely on and or talk about soulmates, as if there is only this one solution to being alone in life. Desperately seeking the one. How many people do we pass by as unsuitable without examination, in this desperation and is it healthy for us to consider but one single choice.
With so much failure in relationships, is monogamy a cause of this desperation, abiding a delusion created by religion's moral codes.
If marriage is an act of love, what is love an act of?
Sounds a bit complicated to me.
To simplify what is said and to adjust it to my simple self:
* was never "desperately seeking the one";
didn't (and don't) want to be alone - yes.
But it's
if-it-happens-I'll-keep-it-and-cherish-it attitude as oppose to desperately-seeking-the-one attitude.
* some people it might view it as being unhealthy - to have(or to consider) but one single choice. I respect it. For myself, I never analyzed if it's healthy for me or it is not. When I am with a man of my choice, I don't have a slightest interest in others. Would assume that going against my nature and trying to pursue somebody else when I am in a relationship, wouldn't feel good to me, hence UNHEALTHY for me.
The prison of one's choice
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There are different types of love which I will not explain
as it is very easy to find on the web. An act of love in
a marriage or long term relationship is a beautiful thing.
You are one with this very special person, you trust, you
communicate without saying a word, you don't smother but
your partner knows you are near, you know you will not
always agree on all things but that is OK, your love just
continues to grow in the trust, respect, adore, etc. (JMO)
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I think we are trying to make sense out of insanity.
(no disrespect intended)
(no disrespect intended)
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laura225: Sounds a bit complicated to me.
To simplify what is said and to adjust it to my simple self:
* was never "desperately seeking the one";
didn't (and don't) want to be alone - yes.
But it's
if-it-happens-I'll-keep-it-and-cherish-it attitude as oppose to desperately-seeking-the-one attitude.
* some people it might view it as being unhealthy - to have(or to consider) but one single choice. I respect it. For myself, I never analyzed if it's healthy for me or it is not. When I am with a man of my choice, I don't have a slightest interest in others. Would assume that going against my nature and trying to pursue somebody else when I am in a relationship, wouldn't feel good to me, hence UNHEALTHY for me.
The prison of one's choice
To simplify what is said and to adjust it to my simple self:
* was never "desperately seeking the one";
didn't (and don't) want to be alone - yes.
But it's
if-it-happens-I'll-keep-it-and-cherish-it attitude as oppose to desperately-seeking-the-one attitude.
* some people it might view it as being unhealthy - to have(or to consider) but one single choice. I respect it. For myself, I never analyzed if it's healthy for me or it is not. When I am with a man of my choice, I don't have a slightest interest in others. Would assume that going against my nature and trying to pursue somebody else when I am in a relationship, wouldn't feel good to me, hence UNHEALTHY for me.
The prison of one's choice
I think you reflect the considerations of many Laura. Where does this consideration come from though? The origins of our human behaviors are plottable. It is how we become who we are, by 'observation' (any form of learning) of repetitive behavior from others.
I guess the question is, would we be healthier as a species had we chosen other 'behaviors'
My sense of this comes from what you say as well
In response to: When I am with a man of my choice, I don't have a slightest interest in others.
This is essentially, "being in the now", indulging the moment of posssession for lack of a better word. Its undeniable that we all do this, though for some the moment is longer or shorter than others. (relationships just don't last in general, nor are they all encompassing)
Are we keeping the "marriage forever" notion, to avoid the heartache of loneliness, that part that involves searching, that part that involves being alone. Do we set ourselves up for disappointment in the surmissed granduer of marriage forever.
Would we be more healthy (one has to think about this without the preconcived notions of moral code)if we just took each moment as it comes, without emprisoning ourselves in monogamy... and still maintianing the use of respect for others as well
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sassy49senior: There are different types of love which I will not explain
as it is very easy to find on the web. An act of love in
a marriage or long term relationship is a beautiful thing.
You are one with this very special person, you trust, you
communicate without saying a word, you don't smother but
your partner knows you are near, you know you will not
always agree on all things but that is OK, your love just
continues to grow in the trust, respect, adore, etc. (JMO)
as it is very easy to find on the web. An act of love in
a marriage or long term relationship is a beautiful thing.
You are one with this very special person, you trust, you
communicate without saying a word, you don't smother but
your partner knows you are near, you know you will not
always agree on all things but that is OK, your love just
continues to grow in the trust, respect, adore, etc. (JMO)
OK ... good points, but what is love an act of?
not what are acts of love.
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RicoWest: Great theory, but nobody talks about what happens if the strongest male has bad DNA which causes all his kids to be born crippled or crazy. I guess in that case, would they let wimpy Mr. #2 have a go at it?
eugenics morons from the late 1600's, royalty all keeping it in the family. Maybe this is what happened to love 
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Love is the absense of:
delusion
illusion
confusion
deception
fear
ego
attack
We're here to learn from one another so that ultimately
we can know and remember what Love (God) is.
We learn that from the others around us, from short term
relationships, long term relationships, lasting marriages,
non-lasting marriages. In essence all living things.
delusion
illusion
confusion
deception
fear
ego
attack
We're here to learn from one another so that ultimately
we can know and remember what Love (God) is.
We learn that from the others around us, from short term
relationships, long term relationships, lasting marriages,
non-lasting marriages. In essence all living things.
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Dusty45: Love is the absense of:
delusion
illusion
confusion
deception
fear
ego
attack
We're here to learn from one another so that ultimately
we can know and remember what Love (God) is.
We learn that from the others around us, from short term
relationships, long term relationships, lasting marriages,
non-lasting marriages. In essence all living things.
delusion
illusion
confusion
deception
fear
ego
attack
We're here to learn from one another so that ultimately
we can know and remember what Love (God) is.
We learn that from the others around us, from short term
relationships, long term relationships, lasting marriages,
non-lasting marriages. In essence all living things.
Again, not, what is love; but what is love an act of?
And this is part of my question Dusty. Since life has so many contacts, relationships etc. do we, by indulging monogamy/marriage, preclude more healthy growth in ourselves. Does what we have learned from others, (moral codes) right or wrong in a behaviorial sense, leave us lacking in areas that might be more advantagious to growth than what monogamy gives us?
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JacobGrimm: OK ... good points, but what is love an act of?
not what are acts of love.
not what are acts of love.
Love is an act of tender forgiveness, a tender look which
which becomes a habit. Very simple way of putting it
stated by Peter Ustinov.
Of course I am not desperate to find love or marriage. However
I am a lady who truly needs that companion in my life. If it
never happens again I will be fine and continue on with my
life's journey. It is a very special thing for me to have
that rapport with someone and know the feeling is mutual.
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sassy49senior: Love is an act of tender forgiveness, a tender look which
which becomes a habit. Very simple way of putting it
stated by Peter Ustinov.
Of course I am not desperate to find love or marriage. However
I am a lady who truly needs that companion in my life. If it
never happens again I will be fine and continue on with my
life's journey. It is a very special thing for me to have
that rapport with someone and know the feeling is mutual.
which becomes a habit. Very simple way of putting it
stated by Peter Ustinov.
Of course I am not desperate to find love or marriage. However
I am a lady who truly needs that companion in my life. If it
never happens again I will be fine and continue on with my
life's journey. It is a very special thing for me to have
that rapport with someone and know the feeling is mutual.
Must this last forever? (which is the notion of marriage). Setting aside moral codes, why would we preclude having that moment with someone that lasted for say just 20 minutes of our lives, based soley on the preconcieved notion that a 20 minute rapport is somehow 'not right' for us.
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sassy49senior: Love is an act of tender forgiveness, a tender look which
becomes a habit. Very simple way of putting it
stated by Peter Ustinov.
becomes a habit. Very simple way of putting it
stated by Peter Ustinov.
not a bad quote either, better to indulge this than jealousy or envy .. in an altruistic world?------ This thread is Archived ------
Acts of Love are infinite and indescribable.
Such as God.
One just 'knows' or has 'knowledge' when there is an
act of Love.
And, any type of interaction with another will show you
what the act of Love is because the knowledge is within you.
Such as God.
One just 'knows' or has 'knowledge' when there is an
act of Love.
And, any type of interaction with another will show you
what the act of Love is because the knowledge is within you.
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JacobGrimm: Must this last forever? (which is the notion of marriage). Setting aside moral codes, why would we preclude having that moment with someone that lasted for say just 20 minutes of our lives, based soley on the preconcieved notion that a 20 minute rapport is somehow 'not right' for us.
You have a very good thread going here. We must have to
engage our brain before coming up with answers.
For me it will only be with a long term committment. However,
that does not mean my partner is going to feel the same. My
first marriage lasted 36 years and had a lot of lows along
with magnificent highs, but we worked on all these things
and knew our love and the committment we made would keep us
together.
My 2nd marriage was too fast on our thinking process and only
lasted 2 years, which was devasting to me as I went into it
for a lifetime.
For many, I would assume, they would not mind that quick
intimate feeling for just a short time.
But not for me (JMO)
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I've been on my own for way too long to want to get married just to be married. Frankly, the thought scares the hell out of me, yet a good marriage is something I would like to have in my life. Not so much that I would settle for the wrong person or marry just to be married. That would just end in divorce. And I've already been there and done that.
Monogamy is a choice. It's not always an easy one. But it's still a choice. What monogamy isn't is an act of desperation. It's an act of love and trust.
Monogamy is a choice. It's not always an easy one. But it's still a choice. What monogamy isn't is an act of desperation. It's an act of love and trust.
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Very truthfully.....
I simply do not believe in marriage.
I simply do not believe in marriage.
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Created: Jan 2009
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So many people rely on and or talk about soulmates, as if there is only this one solution to being alone in life. Desperately seeking the one. How many people do we pass by as unsuitable without examination, in this desperation and is it healthy for us to consider but one single choice.
With so much failure in relationships, is monogamy a cause of this desperation, abiding a delusion created by religion's moral codes.
If marriage is an act of love, what is love an act of?