Is Marriage an Act of Desperation? (134)
JacobGrimm: You really seem to be sitting on the fence DC. Is it really an act of love? or an act of respect for the others feelings and or a choice welcomed by us to avoid the tension that results from having not been monogamus while 'partnered'? the guilt, the other's anger, etc.
I was more questioning the whole moral code of not partnering based on wanting it to be 'forever' as opposed to experiencing singular 'moments' of partnering that may offer more than soulmate searching could. These of course can happen with one single person but if life presents opportunity for more moments, why does 'the code' take precidence?
I was more questioning the whole moral code of not partnering based on wanting it to be 'forever' as opposed to experiencing singular 'moments' of partnering that may offer more than soulmate searching could. These of course can happen with one single person but if life presents opportunity for more moments, why does 'the code' take precidence?
I'm not at all on the fence. Being monogamous doesn't have to be an act of love, but it is still a choice. I think it can be an act of love, and an act of respect for ones partner. I don't think for most that it's to avoid tension in the relationship or guilt.
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Marriage can be thought of as ownership to some. Having that piece of paper means you are locked, ball-and-chain style. But it doesn't have to be that way.
The only thing the paper really represents is your tax break for ostensibly committing to create new tax-payers. Otherwise, your just a partnership of single-entity corporate tax IDS.
The only thing the paper really represents is your tax break for ostensibly committing to create new tax-payers. Otherwise, your just a partnership of single-entity corporate tax IDS.
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Hugz_n_Kissez: Yes they would include my own notions...not societies....I'm not sure I could toss away my own notions...but hey I am working on testing those limits and doing just that...reexamining and letting go or preconception...and taking things just as they are and as they come....
Well I'm not comin yet ... give me a lil more time
or perhaps a hand 
A lot of our 'notions' and codes are society or parent driven, not an easy task, undoing what we thought was right for us to find what truely is right for us.
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JacobGrimm: Well I'm not comin yet ... give me a lil more time or perhaps a hand
A lot of our 'notions' and codes are society or parent driven, not an easy task, undoing what we thought was right for us to find what truely is right for us.
A lot of our 'notions' and codes are society or parent driven, not an easy task, undoing what we thought was right for us to find what truely is right for us.
Yes...and I think I had a lot of stead fast notions of my own that I placed there do to past experiences as well...which I am now beginning to see...and let go of....and to relax others...which can be kind of unnerving also...when you are used to holding onto things that represent the status-quo for yourself at least...
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dcj22: I'm not at all on the fence. Being monogamous doesn't have to be an act of love, but it is still a choice. I think it can be an act of love, and an act of respect for ones partner. I don't think for most that it's to avoid tension in the relationship or guilt.
So you don't make choices for yourself based on the consequences, relative to the emotional sensitivity of the person you choose Dana?
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Galactic_bodhi: Marriage can be thought of as ownership to some. Having that piece of paper means you are locked, ball-and-chain style. But it doesn't have to be that way.
The only thing the paper really represents is your tax break for ostensibly committing to create new tax-payers. Otherwise, your just a partnership of single-entity corporate tax IDS.
The only thing the paper really represents is your tax break for ostensibly committing to create new tax-payers. Otherwise, your just a partnership of single-entity corporate tax IDS.
Then why is there marriage GB? If its unneccessary as anything but a tax break, what purpose does it serve except some preconcieved notion of 'owning' the presence of another beyond moments of personal interaction
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JacobGrimm: Then why is there marriage GB? If its unneccessary as anything but a tax break, what purpose does it serve except some preconcieved notion of 'owning' the presence of another beyond moments of personal interaction
Its an institution utilized by the beauracracy to perpetuate its income. Gay marriage isn't so much morally reprehensible, once you get past all the rhetoric. Its economically reprehensible to institutions that dont exist without a fresh generation of taxpayers.
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Galactic_bodhi: Its an institution utilized by the beauracracy to perpetuate its income. Gay marriage isn't so much morally reprehensible, once you get past all the rhetoric. Its economically reprehensible to institutions that dont exist without a fresh generation of taxpayers.
So the question should really be..Not..."Will you marry me???" BUT "Will you be my tax deduction????" then....
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Hugz_n_Kissez: So the question should really be..Not..."Will you marry me???" BUT "Will you be my tax deduction????" then....
Oh wow.....how romantic
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Hugz_n_Kissez: So the question should really be..Not..."Will you marry me???" BUT "Will you be my tax deduction????" then....
Its obselete in the social scene. I've known several LT partners that didn't get married, had kids, and under common-law would be married. But getting the piece of paper wasnt' important to them because it wasn't about what the state thinks. Its about how they feel.
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Galactic_bodhi: Its an institution utilized by the beauracracy to perpetuate its income. Gay marriage isn't so much morally reprehensible, once you get past all the rhetoric. Its economically reprehensible to institutions that dont exist without a fresh generation of taxpayers.
Yep, which among other things makes marriage and monogamy a religious prerequisite morally. Man made notions to tame the beast and line them up for accounting.
I can see the reason for it, but not the wisdom.
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Galactic_bodhi: Its obselete in the social scene. I've known several LT partners that didn't get married, had kids, and under common-law would be married. But getting the piece of paper wasnt' important to them because it wasn't about what the state thinks. Its about how they feel.
That's they way it should be....but that's exactly what marriage represents to me...the ultimate commitment out of love for one another...not the other stuff...I guess it's just how you look at it....
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Galactic_bodhi: Its obselete in the social scene. I've known several LT partners that didn't get married, had kids, and under common-law would be married. But getting the piece of paper wasnt' important to them because it wasn't about what the state thinks. Its about how they feel.
GB, you're a buddhist at least in idealogy? ... read the OP. I'd be interested in the buddhist response to the question, which isn't really about marriage persay.
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JacobGrimm: read the OP. I'd be interested in the buddhist response to the question, which isn't really about marriage persay.
OK. I'll offer my opinions.
JacobGrimm: With so much failure in relationships, is monogamy a cause of this desperation, abiding a delusion created by religion's moral codes.
Monogamy isn't the problem, its the complete adherence to extremes that cause such a problem. "till Death do us part." is pretty absolute, and extreme. The only constant is change. Buddhist philosophy deals with marriage as a vow contigent upon the realities of life as a whole, not a vow contingent upon our fantasy of what life will turn out to be.
JacobGrimm: If marriage is an act of love, what is love an act of?
Marriage is not an act of love. Its an act of commitment. Love is an action all its own. Marriage may be motivated by love, but love is doing the dishes when she's tired, or taking out the garbage, or bringing home flowers.
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I think marriage is like buying a house. One of the most important decisions one will make. You can rent or lease, but if you do that, you have no equity in the house. A marriage I think is an investment in someone, backed by a promise and a piece of paper. It may be a bad analogy w/missed spelled words but I am no professor...
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JacobGrimm: Its pretty hard to separate religion from culture. How Muslims, or Christians or Hindus treat women and men and the contract of marriage is different. Its culturally dominant. I think religion is a huge cultural component. I think it might be more cultural in aboriginal or pagan areas, not so religious as much as handed down appreciation for mother nature.
The rest I agree with, the definitions we accept and never question as written by 'other' people.
The rest I agree with, the definitions we accept and never question as written by 'other' people.
It's cultural.
Among different sects of Christianity, the act is seen differently. Divorce is rare in Catholicism. Its much more common among Protestant sects. Statistically, the prevalance of affairs and full-time mistresses is much higher among Catholic cultures, who seem to be alot more tolerant of it. Perhaps confession has something to do with that. The option of nullifying the whole contract with a fair amount of ease in a Protestant culture actually reduces the chances of cheating, at least in my experience, and that is a cultural thing.
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Galactic_bodhi: OK. I'll offer my opinions.
Monogamy isn't the problem, its the complete adherence to extremes that cause such a problem. "till Death do us part." is pretty absolute, and extreme.
Monogamy isn't the problem, its the complete adherence to extremes that cause such a problem. "till Death do us part." is pretty absolute, and extreme.
Yep that forever thing is big. In fact I would suggest it is why we sometimes take a pass on people with whom we might under other notions, enjoy several moments of bliss and connection. Such moments have the preconcieved notion of "this has to be forever" and hence cause us to balk or overthink the situation with further preconceptions
And there is very little proof that anyone gets even close to forever with anyone else. Very few people find life long partners...Yep change is only thing that is constant.
In response to:
Marriage is not an act of love. Its an act of commitment. Love is an action all its own. Marriage may be motivated by love, but love is doing the dishes when she's tired, or taking out the garbage, or bringing home flowers.
Marriage is not an act of love. Its an act of commitment. Love is an action all its own. Marriage may be motivated by love, but love is doing the dishes when she's tired, or taking out the garbage, or bringing home flowers.
Which brings it back to selflessness.
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sassy49senior: There are different types of love which I will not explain
as it is very easy to find on the web. An act of love in
a marriage or long term relationship is a beautiful thing.
You are one with this very special person, you trust, you
communicate without saying a word, you don't smother but
your partner knows you are near, you know you will not
always agree on all things but that is OK, your love just
continues to grow in the trust, respect, adore, etc. (JMO)
Thanks to your post you saved me from typing it myself. I agree with you 100% sassy. as it is very easy to find on the web. An act of love in
a marriage or long term relationship is a beautiful thing.
You are one with this very special person, you trust, you
communicate without saying a word, you don't smother but
your partner knows you are near, you know you will not
always agree on all things but that is OK, your love just
continues to grow in the trust, respect, adore, etc. (JMO)
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"sassy49senior: There are different types of love which I will not explain
as it is very easy to find on the web. An act of love in
a marriage or long term relationship is a beautiful thing.
You are one with this very special person, you trust, you
communicate without saying a word, you don't smother but
your partner knows you are near, you know you will not
always agree on all things but that is OK, your love just
continues to grow in the trust, respect, adore, etc. (JMO)"
That IS beautiful and it does happen.
as it is very easy to find on the web. An act of love in
a marriage or long term relationship is a beautiful thing.
You are one with this very special person, you trust, you
communicate without saying a word, you don't smother but
your partner knows you are near, you know you will not
always agree on all things but that is OK, your love just
continues to grow in the trust, respect, adore, etc. (JMO)"
hawk69: Thanks to your post you saved me from typing it myself. I agree with you 100% sassy.
That IS beautiful and it does happen.
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