Just Received Some Bad News (119)
Laura25: It can be the reason Morgan - sounds about right.
I didn't have boys so never thought of it this way.
But my daughter didn't cry visiting her grandfather in the hospital. The sight was utterly devastating - respirator, all kinds of tubes and stuff. But she didn't cry. Not in my presence.
She is a believer and that probably helped her to see things differently too.
I didn't have boys so never thought of it this way.
But my daughter didn't cry visiting her grandfather in the hospital. The sight was utterly devastating - respirator, all kinds of tubes and stuff. But she didn't cry. Not in my presence.
She is a believer and that probably helped her to see things differently too.
In my personal experience, this is true. But also it depends on how close the relationship is/was to that person. Just my thinking.
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morgan5: I tried to teach my son that too, but his Father was very much the opposite and taught my son it was a weakness, and i do think there ages may be playing a part.
Gosh, boys! My 4-year-old grandson feels he needs to make excuses when he feels emotional.
When I read him a sad book and his eyes become teary, he rubs his eyes and says he got eyelash or something in his eye
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hopefloats: In my personal experience, this is true. But also it depends on how close the relationship is/was to that person. Just my thinking.
They were very close Merky.
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Laura25: Gosh, boys! My 4-year-old grandson feels he needs to make excuses when he feels emotional.
When I read him a sad book and his eyes become teary, he rubs his eyes and says he got eyelash or something in his eye
I think conditional boys to think showing emotion is so wrong, when my son's baby was stillborn he didn't know how to react because he couldn't cry, it was awful to see he would get so angry over nothing, in the end he just broke down but was a huge relief he did.When I read him a sad book and his eyes become teary, he rubs his eyes and says he got eyelash or something in his eye
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jessejess47: Thats a tough one ,may be tell them it is not about them this time it is about her,she need this no matter how it makes them feel,just a though but I really don't know
That's excellent advise, Merky. How old are the boys?
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morgan5: I think conditional boys to think showing emotion is so wrong, when my son's baby was stillborn he didn't know how to react because he couldn't cry, it was awful to see he would get so angry over nothing, in the end he just broke down but was a huge relief he did.
meant to say,Conditioning boys to think showing emotion is wrong. 
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Laura25: Gosh, boys! My 4-year-old grandson feels he needs to make excuses when he feels emotional.
When I read him a sad book and his eyes become teary, he rubs his eyes and says he got eyelash or something in his eye
When I read him a sad book and his eyes become teary, he rubs his eyes and says he got eyelash or something in his eye
Oh my goodness, Laura! Bless his heart!
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morgan5: I think conditional boys to think showing emotion is so wrong, when my son's baby was stillborn he didn't know how to react because he couldn't cry, it was awful to see he would get so angry over nothing, in the end he just broke down but was a huge relief he did.
We can never accept the cruelty of some events in our lives, but to start a long process of healing he needed to let it go.
Yes, it's harder on a boy/man I think.
In terms of them trying to keep tough facade doesn't do any good and doesn't make any sense at times like that.
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gypsykisses: well, if you have any pics, tokens of her and of them, you could tell them that since they don't wanna see grandma, then they need to sit down and make her a scrap book and write her a letter as she is missing them so badly and needs to have a sight/feel connection with them. Get them the tools for it at the dollar store or whereever and make them take a whole evening on it. You'd be surprised at the response. Much love to you hunni...
What a beautiful idea, Cy. Also, simply doing this may help them get to the point of wanting to visit.
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dcj22: Oh my goodness, Laura! Bless his heart!
Isn't it something, Dana? And we always teach them (2- and 4-y-o boys) that it's okay to feel and express any/all emotions.
I guess men internal/natural conditioning of keeping a tough facade.
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hopefloats: While I have very special memories of my mother, I was however, tormented with nightmares of the morning she passed away. I guess after YEARS of reliving that through nightmares that it has just burned an image that I will never, ever be able to elude as long as I live. Although it's been 21yrs. I can SEE it like it was yesterday.
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Laura25: Isn't it something, Dana?
And we always teach them (2- and 4-y-o boys) that it's okay to feel and express any/all emotions.
I guess men internal/natural conditioning of keeping a tough facade.
And we always teach them (2- and 4-y-o boys) that it's okay to feel and express any/all emotions.
I guess men internal/natural conditioning of keeping a tough facade.
That and society, sweetie. I hope they grow out of it, instead of into it.
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dcj22: That and society, sweetie. I hope they grow out of it, instead of into it.
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hopefloats: While I have very special memories of my mother, I was however, tormented with nightmares of the morning she passed away. I guess after YEARS of reliving that through nightmares that it has just burned an image that I will never, ever be able to elude as long as I live. Although it's been 21yrs. I can it like it was yesterday.
I do understand. Mothers passing was very difficult. And yes, I did relive those moments a lot in that first year. Though I still remember it vividly, I had to let it go and allow myself to replace my first thought of her with something happy. It was an effort to begin with. I would think of that, and have to force myself to replace that thought, but I did it. I'm glad too. We were so close and I hate to think of that awful time when she pops into my head. She would hate for me to do that. She was quite vain at times!
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My friend died only one month before my mother. She was 42. So losing them both in such a short time was hard. It took me a while to really getting to the point of being able to grieve for Sherry. But I do try to remember them both as they'd want me to.
Hang in there sweetie. It will all work out one way or another. Try not to stress yourself over it too much. Boys will be boys, after all. You're doing the best you can. If I'm remembering right, Merky, you believe in God. Leave it in his hands.
Hang in there sweetie. It will all work out one way or another. Try not to stress yourself over it too much. Boys will be boys, after all. You're doing the best you can. If I'm remembering right, Merky, you believe in God. Leave it in his hands.
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dcj22: I do understand. Mothers passing was very difficult. And yes, I did relive those moments a lot in that first year. Though I still remember it vividly, I had to let it go and allow myself to replace my first thought of her with something happy. It was an effort to begin with. I would think of that, and have to force myself to replace that thought, but I did it. I'm glad too. We were so close and I hate to think of that awful time when she pops into my head. She would hate for me to do that. She was quite vain at times!
Yeah it's difficult to do. But it "can" be done. I was close to my mom too.
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dcj22: My friend died only one month before my mother. She was 42. So losing them both in such a short time was hard. It took me a while to really getting to the point of being able to grieve for Sherry. But I do try to remember them both as they'd want me to.
Hang in there sweetie. It will all work out one way or another. Try not to stress yourself over it too much. Boys will be boys, after all. You're doing the best you can. If I'm remembering right, Merky, you believe in God. Leave it in his hands.
Hang in there sweetie. It will all work out one way or another. Try not to stress yourself over it too much. Boys will be boys, after all. You're doing the best you can. If I'm remembering right, Merky, you believe in God. Leave it in his hands.
Thank you sis!
Easier said than done sometimes.
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hopefloats: Thank you sis! Easier said than done sometimes.
Yes, it is sweetie. It's very hard. Em had to do it too. She was 9. She heard mom and went to check on her and realized that something was very wrong. Fortunately, while I was working on her, when the neighbor saw the cops and ambulance arrive, he came over and sent Em to his house. It was her choice to stay there while I went to the hospital. The whole thing right up until I told Em that mom was gone took under an hour.
That night I had to run back to the hospital for something before they arrived from the mortuary to pick her up. I went back in with mom for a few minutes. Em decided to wait. I'm so glad she did. By the time Em saw mom again, we had her made up and looking pretty. I made sure mom was looking up to my specs before letting anyone see her - Em or my siblings.
Em remembers those first moments, but when she thinks of mom "gone" she thinks of her at the funeral home - looking pretty. Mom lived with us most of Em's life, so it was like losing a parent. I'm just glad she remembers the good and fun times instead of the bad.
Kids will work it out the best they can. I think their brains are wired that way. I think it's often harder for us.
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I didn't have boys so never thought of it this way.
But my daughter didn't cry visiting her grandfather in the hospital. The sight was utterly devastating - respirator, all kinds of tubes and stuff. But she didn't cry. Not in my presence.
She is a believer and that probably helped her to see things differently too.