Walking on a wire, waiting to fall,
Living in a dismal mire, I extend a claw.
Burning with an inner fire, ignited from all I saw.
I look at my hand, for it is a claw no longer.
I feel a sickening start and, then come the pains.
Then like the desert sand it settles and majestically reigns.
I wonder, truly, am I even sane?
I look back over the years, look back at my life of fears.
They were many, then fold, it would take years to name them all told.
I hunger for flesh, and suffer a maddening craving of infatuation.
I begin to bleed inside and out, my garments are red by saturation.
I long for all that I once had and gave up for power,
I would give it all back to have just one blessed hour.
To have that unfathomable ignorance that is bliss,
To have my passion made flesh and to receive just one kiss,
But I sacrificed happiness and love and all I have known.
To increase my understanding, and be better than what I have shown.
Now I fight off the madness, which comes to those who know too much.
I hunger for peace, even as I know this can no longer be.
I pray for a release, yet I fight the release that looms before me.
Blessed you are, yet soon to be cursed if you understand my words,
For you will thrill at knowledge until it becomes all your pains and hurts.
Yet, I know I am not fully sane, and I care not much anymore.
I learned the terrible lesson that knowledge is the most horrible vice.
You love it then you hate it when; you are caught by your own device.
But you gain much and lose much more; but unfortunately this is the price.
Now that I have the knowledge that I have sought,
I find I cannot explain it, coherently, to anyone; thus, it is all for naught.
I have passions, and unbelievably terrible pains, yet I hunger still.
I do not believe I can find happiness or rest, whatever I will.
So I seek only one who can understand and hopefully perceive,
The truth hidden in my words, then shall they, my wisdom, receive.