If you're running for office here are
a few helpful tips you might want to
take into consideration:

1. Don't overly praise your wife if
you think that somewhere down the road
we'll discover you've been sweet on
Suesy Cue in the House of Representatives

2. Don't take up 95% of your campaign speech
trying to convince 300 million Americans that
this is a great country when you know your
neighbors cat has figured that one out

3. When working a crowd don't gravitate only
toward the women holding babies cause you
know all those messy diapers just ain't
doing ot for you

4. Be creative. If elected don't just bring a
dog or cat to run the White House grounds. Bring
something like an Anaconda or White Tiger. This
will freak foreign leaders out and they won't
be so quick to mess with us

5.If you're asked how you might deal with a certain
type of dictator don't say something lame like, 'Well,
we'll just impose all sorts of sanctions on them.
Heck no. Simply say, 'We'll reduce their country to a
sea of molten lava if they screw with us'

6. Don't try to convince people that under your
administration you can resolve the national debt
when you know even God would have trouble coming
up with that much money

7. Don't go on and on about the Health Care issue
lest the whole world thinks 80% of Americans are
in the freaking hospital

8. Don't try to convince people that you can resolve
the border issue with four rent-a-cops and a German
Shepperd

9. Make sure you bring a birth certificate with you
in case your critics accuse you of extraterestrial
origin

10.Stand firm. Tell them your administration will be
run just like the Roman Empire and you're not taking
any lip from anybody

Feel free to add to this list my dear friends..lol.