I remember a little girl of nine
or maybe ten,
chasing me up the hall
and down again
trying to kick me in the shin,
her bouncing hair,
her shining eyes,
her laughteer,
still unknowing then.

I had a chance
I was grown up
I turned away,
a lost dance
my feelings held sway.
As KoKo would say,
I don't know right
I dont know wrong
its a feeling
its strong
and its wrong.

If I have a monster
inside of me
I dont want
how can it be
for life, an agony.
A solo soul,
as a saber,
rolled and tempered,
bendable steel,
cutting,
suction,
twisting,
fighting for release
this feeling,
but so lonely I feel.

I know how she feels,
I have beeen there.

If I cant love
another so scared,
in turning away
she slashed
as a cat of nine tails
my heart
so hard,

I'll love viscariuosly,
though
never returned to me.

There are things
we choose not to change,
rather,
we would hold
the familiar pain
than venture out
for love to gain
without return
lying to ourselves
saying we have won.

To walk through life
so alone
it cuts through the soul
it aches the core
of bone.

When your still held
by invisable chains
shackled and bound
by the past pain
your still a slave
chosing not to love
and never love to gain.

And love so lost
is a greater loss
than any stain
that does remain.