So many restrictions and responsible feelings, always in control and emotions kept under check, covered under layers built up over so many years, confused ideas of always having to be in control and not trusting anyone enough to just let go, feelings of being seen as week and silly, sometimes falling apart for only a few seconds and then blocking it off and being in control and strong yet again because you feel like it will change everything too much...And then being allowed to break down at the worst time and be taken and bathed, wrapped up and held and shown that its ok is the most precious gift..