The difinitive guide to soulmates

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1. A soulmate is a woman who saw
me standing on the street corner
staring aimlessly into space and
said hello anyway because I
looked so pathetic.
2. She would be a woman who
could find the purple sock I
lost when I was 13 years old.
3. She would not be upset
with me because I had a
prior love affair with our
Thanksgiving turkey.
4. She does not criticize
me when the priest has
to come to our house
two times a month and
perform an exorcism
on me.
5. She does not put me
down in front of relatives..
she never tells them I
spent 7 days in the bathroom
singing songs to the
Queen of England
8. She convinces her
mother not to blow me
away with a shotgut because
I might be an international
treasure worth some money
some day
9. She restrains herself from
hanging me with her wedding
dress
10. She said she didn't mine
if I had a pet in the house
until I brought home a sixty
foot Anaconda I stold
from the local zoo
11. She looked at me strangely
when the FBI busted down
the church doors and carried
me out of Sunday morning
bible class
12. She said I needed to improve
on my math skills because I
believed that six was four on
Monday, and seven might be
eight on Tuesday, but if nine
were actually nine then I
should seek therapy
13. And then she said with
a smile, " I love you so much!"

There it is guys! If you can
find a woman to put up
with all your stuff, then
you gotta Soulmate!

Cafe
Lol.