About this poem:

Another one of my unfinished songs re a born again Christian I knew in college.

THE PRAYER: I found myself hiding in my dorm room in Pentagon Dorm. After seven years trying to fix myself since high school and running from people out of fear. I thought OMG I'm never ever going to be better! How can i endure this? Will i be living with social phobia when im 60!! Even at this point no prayer was said yet not until i thought OMG being at college is supposed to be the happiest time of my life. I THEN CRACKED! It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Spontaneously i sent out a pure heartfelt honest sincere desperate cry for help. I TRIED I CAN'T DO IT BY MYSELF, LORD I NEED HELP. I wish i had journaled what happened in that moment bc i don't remember exactly, which is a bummer, but the next day seemingly out of the blue i decided to thank God for anything positive that might happen during the day even if it was just smile from someone. the cool thing was i actually felt gratitude as positive things began to pile up. I figure on some level i must of turned it over to God. Since He is now running the show or why would i the next day be thanking him for any positive experiences. Why didnt i do it yesterday or a week before. What im saying is something happened out of that prayer either I dont remember or something below my consciousness. This next thing is hard to communicate but I deducted if i did remember what happened in that instance after THE PRAYER i would be propelled back into that sacred holy space.(which is rare for me and out of my control). Just a theory I would be reliving it not just remembering it. Anyway in a month i was completely transformed and having a blast! During this time i felt a strong desire to make up for lost time. And not fall victim to that Mr Grinch part of me that was so afraid of what people might think that kept me not being me and living afraid in a cage called: What will people think! If there was a devil this would be the perfect way to sabotage someone from preventing them from living out their potential! Now though after my transformation which included waking up each morning jumping out of bed cant wait to start the day and go out into the world and be with people. Also l also had a strong need to let people know that they had inherent greatness within them. That they are not seeing their potential. Just like me before the prayer. Interesting tho this thing l was going thru was similar to what l read many years later about what Joseph Campbell talked about re all the hero's journey stories in mythology. After the hero goes thru his trails and is transformed by them he would have the option to go back into the world to help people achieve what he had achieved. l ended up doing outrageous things(a part of me wanted to make up for lost opportunities)BTW it was at this time i started Anna’s Song. Years later looking back I realized it was the happiest time of my life!