very insightful of you..you are so right.

every time u have sweet wards to share with us , thanks really for all ur shares

Would it not be a little better to put a bit of rhyme into it or use words as metaphors or symbolism for what you are trying to say. It's just that it sounds a little too much like your writing sentences. The idea is basically good but it lacks the imagination to convey it in an artfull way. Art is about saying or painting something in a different way then would ordinarily be conveyed or seen. I don't mean to hurt your feelings but feel people are been to nice here and are not been constructive in their comments. People who want to be poets will not master their art unless there is constructive dialogue.