how long after divorse should you wait before you commit to another(try to guess a time) (88)
sabrina099vancouver, Beijing China1 Threads 3 Postspikengren: wow, i never heard that before. i wish i had. if you need a guidline, that's the best i have heard.
sabrina ...
bestat45: you would know best, as only you know how you feel about it. When it feels right.
yep!
bestat45: you would know best, as only you know how you feel about it. When it feels right.
I do not really agree that we all know when we are ready properly to move on after a long relationship has broken down.
Sometimes we just think that we are ready due to loneliness as well as feeling the need to replace some of what we have lost and are used too.
After many months of not being remotely interested in a relationship after splitting I dived back into the dating game thinking that I was ready only to find that actually I was not at all.
Not only that but I dated a few around that time who were in the exact same boat as me.
I think we all go through stages,and some unique to themself,after a long relationship has ended depending on the individual.
And it is because of that that I think its impossible to give a time limit..if ever.
you should wait 20 years and 20 days 
ContraryCol: I do not really agree that we all know when we are ready properly to move on after a long relationship has broken down.
Sometimes we just think that we are ready due to loneliness as well as feeling the need to replace some of what we have lost and are used too.
After many months of not being remotely interested in a relationship after splitting I dived back into the dating game thinking that I was ready only to find that actually I was not at all.
Not only that but I dated a few around that time who were in the exact same boat as me.
I think we all go through stages,and some unique to themself,after a long relationship has ended depending on the individual.
And it is because of that that I think its impossible to give a time limit..if ever.
Good post, having experienced the same thing completly agree Sometimes we just think that we are ready due to loneliness as well as feeling the need to replace some of what we have lost and are used too.
After many months of not being remotely interested in a relationship after splitting I dived back into the dating game thinking that I was ready only to find that actually I was not at all.
Not only that but I dated a few around that time who were in the exact same boat as me.
I think we all go through stages,and some unique to themself,after a long relationship has ended depending on the individual.
And it is because of that that I think its impossible to give a time limit..if ever.
Well for a gentleman like you. I know you seem the type to be ready now that the divorce is over. I think since the divorce takes a while to finalize it is cool as soon as the papers are signed. Of course it depends on you. Of course any one who finds you in their life, would be the fortunate one.
When a friend told me to wait 5yrs. I didnt believe it and I tried and tried to prove him wrong. Here I am 5yrs later and I really believe that I am JUST NOW ready to start dating again. I dont care if your separated for 5yrs or if you say the marriage has been over for 5yrs,but we are still together...Seriously,one needs to wait the full 5yrs AFTER the divorce is final to marry again. Now if your going to prove me wrong,at least tell me you have been with your NEW lady or man for 5-10 to prove me wrong. There are just stages one HAS to go through. It is nothing you can rush and the only thing that finishes those stages is TIME. Now that is HAS been 5yrs,I hope to prove that is has been beneficial for the wait.
It seems you are having it hard. I hope you can let go and move on.
Letting go just takes time...nothing can speed grief or hurt but that. I know I lost my mom and custody of my kids and it isn't just getting over it...it is slowly getting over it. There are going to be good days and bad days...up days and down days. Sometimes your days turn into nights. Either way,only time can heal. I wrote a poem called "Images of Time" that relates to alot of this. I will post a few lines from it if I can find it. I empathize with anyone getting over a relationship. I remember going through my divorce not even imagining that I would ever get thru it! At the time,it is just plain PAINFUL. No other way to describe it. I think that is what keeps up so walled up to get married again. Thinking back how we felt when we were going thru the pain leaves up insecure and suspicious of any kind of trusting in future relationships. Baby Steps as Bill Murray said in his movie...little bitty baby steps.
I think AFTER the baby steps are gone, big, independent steps are best.
Thank you Avecaim! Your so right! Learning how to live by yourself,not HAVING to be with someone night and day. It is such an important part of the healing process. If one HAS to have a boyfriend or girlfriend or they will not survive,then they aren't ready to date again. LET ME REPEAT THAT: If one HAS to have someone by their side 24/7,then THEY ARE NOT READY TO DATE/MARRY. You have to have strength on your own before you can give strength to someone else.
jonahstrials: Thank you Avecaim! Your so right! Learning how to live by yourself,not HAVING to be with someone night and day. It is such an important part of the healing process. If one HAS to have a boyfriend or girlfriend or they will not survive,then they aren't ready to date again. LET ME REPEAT THAT: If one HAS to have someone by their side 24/7,then THEY ARE NOT READY TO DATE/MARRY. You have to have strength on your own before you can give strength to someone else.
jonahstrials: When a friend told me to wait 5yrs. I didnt believe it and I tried and tried to prove him wrong. Here I am 5yrs later and I really believe that I am JUST NOW ready to start dating again. I dont care if your separated for 5yrs or if you say the marriage has been over for 5yrs,but we are still together...Seriously,one needs to wait the full 5yrs AFTER the divorce is final to marry again. Now if your going to prove me wrong,at least tell me you have been with your NEW lady or man for 5-10 to prove me wrong. There are just stages one HAS to go through. It is nothing you can rush and the only thing that finishes those stages is TIME. Now that is HAS been 5yrs,I hope to prove that is has been beneficial for the wait.
dude thanks but i can not wait 5 years
dude its not just me who wants to move on...it takes all my strength to say no....lets just be friends....
i want to be married but am giving it time to make it right
i want to be married but am giving it time to make it right
No one wants to wait 5yrs,believe me I didnt. Funny thing is,5yrs hsa passed and I still am looking. So,even subconsciously it DOES take the 5yrs. Now,who wants to date me?? 
I will only get married once. No remarriage. After divorce I become a player bigtime.
After divorce I become a player bigtime.phoenixrising1: just a question..is a real one for me....i probably won't wait near long enough.....and we do not have the ability here to talk about what needs to happen so i will forum that one...thanks
kds
kds
you cant put a time scale on yout feelings
at least 5-7 months I think is suitable 
I can not give a time period, and all depends on how the divorce was established.
Did you divorce because you didn't love the person anymore, because too much has happened and you can't love the person again, or did you divorce but you still did love the person.
If you don't love a person in a marriage and you divorce, you can commit even during marriage or soon after,
but if you still love the person and it is a painful divorce, it may take you years to get over it and to decide for yourself to commit to someone.
i experienced both
Did you divorce because you didn't love the person anymore, because too much has happened and you can't love the person again, or did you divorce but you still did love the person.
If you don't love a person in a marriage and you divorce, you can commit even during marriage or soon after,
but if you still love the person and it is a painful divorce, it may take you years to get over it and to decide for yourself to commit to someone.
i experienced both
I think your feelings is what got you in a divorce in the first place...maybe the second time one should think more with their big heads!
jonahstrials: I think your feelings is what got you in a divorce in the first place...maybe the second time one should think more with their big heads!
you learn by your mistakes..
This topic has come up many times with views on both sides...I think the kids SHOULD come first,but then if you only have your kids every other weekend,there is the..."What do I do with the remaining 12days?" I do believe though that alot of single FULL TIME parents do put their kids in the background when trying to date. Just remember dates come and go,but kids are for a lifetime! 
3 years prior to divorce, is the best time to commit to another. Just ask my ex. lol That's called preemptive maintenance. ;)
Wayward: 3 years prior to divorce, is the best time to commit to another. Just ask my ex. lol That's called preemptive maintenance. ;)
ie....cheating
this all depends on the person' they will know when they are ready
20 or 30 years....
phoenixrising1: ie....cheating
Well, lemme think......
cry continually for a month and think over what went wrong and what was better and what should you do to be happy and chill around.
If you can make a decision someday to consider another person in life, why not a month than series of years.After crying and rediscovering, catch on a bull's eye attitude and target and fall for and you know what...;.......
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