Would you stay with someone ,that loved you more, or loved you less...... (58)
StressFree: Appreciate what you have...
but is it that simple?
Love in a relationship seems to go in stages to be honest with you...then again, the perception of love goes in stages as well, or?
but is it that simple?
Love in a relationship seems to go in stages to be honest with you...then again, the perception of love goes in stages as well, or?
The mind boggles.
Ah no-ones ever going to have a safe answer to suit all but I wish I could stop trying to figure it out. I guess Love is what you allow it to mean to you.
See, if I had beer, I wouldn't be thinking this much!
tgwstw: Thanks a million!
Bold Text above is exactly what has been running through my head today! Over and Over!
It all came about when my Dad asked if I heard from ex from scenario number one. The good guy, that I loved, but not to the same extent as he loved me.
I don't often reminisce, but I know that if I had stayed with him, he would have given me a good life. I just wanted to feel something intense, something to blow the head clean off my shoulders...
They guy I dated afterward, did all that and more. But it was awfully painful to be the tormented for a change. Possibly Karma, for a breaking a heart that had never intentionally broken mine.
We often get so caught up in what love should be, ideally, that we dismiss what love is, realistically.
Bold Text above is exactly what has been running through my head today! Over and Over!
It all came about when my Dad asked if I heard from ex from scenario number one. The good guy, that I loved, but not to the same extent as he loved me.
I don't often reminisce, but I know that if I had stayed with him, he would have given me a good life. I just wanted to feel something intense, something to blow the head clean off my shoulders...
They guy I dated afterward, did all that and more. But it was awfully painful to be the tormented for a change. Possibly Karma, for a breaking a heart that had never intentionally broken mine.
We often get so caught up in what love should be, ideally, that we dismiss what love is, realistically.
Exactly. And the way you have stated that it was awful painful being the tormented one, is so profound.
It is something I can almost feel a lump in my throat, when reading.
I don't think there are answers to your question here, about staying with a person that loves you more or less...
I did not stay with a man who loved me less, because he loved another more, and I had to let him go to the one he did love. My husband.
I did not stay with a man who loved me and adored me, because for the last few years it was hell.
But I know I could not be with a man who did not feel something for me. Or I could not feel anything for him, if I don't feel I hurt...
tgwstw: The mind boggles.
Ah no-ones ever going to have a safe answer to suit all but I wish I could stop trying to figure it out. I guess Love is what you allow it to mean to you.
See, if I had beer, I wouldn't be thinking this much!
Ah no-ones ever going to have a safe answer to suit all but I wish I could stop trying to figure it out. I guess Love is what you allow it to mean to you.
See, if I had beer, I wouldn't be thinking this much!
i guess if ur happy enuf to stay then stay
when u think too much about something u get no where
tgwstw: The mind boggles.
Ah no-ones ever going to have a safe answer to suit all but I wish I could stop trying to figure it out. I guess Love is what you allow it to mean to you.
See, if I had beer, I wouldn't be thinking this much!
Ah no-ones ever going to have a safe answer to suit all but I wish I could stop trying to figure it out. I guess Love is what you allow it to mean to you.
See, if I had beer, I wouldn't be thinking this much!
I believe as long as you love someone, whatever that is, and that person loves you and shows it; you are alright! When someone tries to think they are loving someone more than the other, then we are getting into the area where trouble begins.
Relationships are never equal! Someone alway will be doing more or less than the other. It is how we deal with these differences that are important in my opinion.
Big_John: I believe as long as you love someone, whatever that is, and that person loves you and shows it; you are alright! When someone tries to think they are loving someone more than the other, then we are getting into the area where trouble begins.
Relationships are never equal! Someone alway will be doing more or less than the other. It is how we deal with these differences that are important in my opinion.
Relationships are never equal! Someone alway will be doing more or less than the other. It is how we deal with these differences that are important in my opinion.
Well at the time, I didn't actively think I loved more or less.
I just subconsciously knew and then acted upon this.
It was only due to later reflection that I realized the imbalance.
But you are right, it is about realizing that there are highs and lows. In saying that, I know what I don't want at least that's something.
StressFree: Appreciate what you have...
but is it that simple?
Love in a relationship seems to go in stages to be honest with you...then again, the perception of love goes in stages as well, or?
You are talking some rubbish? but is it that simple?
Love in a relationship seems to go in stages to be honest with you...then again, the perception of love goes in stages as well, or?
Rather than perception, is it not better to role with the love that we have, as you directed earlier than perceive what we think it should be???
Any relationship between two people, be that parent and child, brother and sister, man and woman, goes in stages, I have never just loved my father and it stops there or my children, their needs change and I alter my feelings to accomodate those feelings along with their needs...
I think love is simple yes, you either love a person or you don't, there is no grey area to love.
I don't need to be told I am loved, I never need to ask for it, I am never unsure of it, I don't yearn to hear the words, because I know I am...
And I have said this many times, don't ask me to tell you that I love you, because you will know when I do. That was always something I had in my head, way before even looking at this place...
Sommerauer71: You are talking some rubbish?
Rather than perception, is it not better to role with the love that we have, as you directed earlier than perceive what we think it should be???
Any relationship between two people, be that parent and child, brother and sister, man and woman, goes in stages, I have never just loved my father and it stops there or my children, their needs change and I alter my feelings to accomodate those feelings along with their needs...
I think love is simple yes, you either love a person or you don't, there is no grey area to love.
I don't need to be told I am loved, I never need to ask for it, I am never unsure of it, I don't yearn to hear the words, because I know I am...
And I have said this many times, don't ask me to tell you that I love you, because you will know when I do. That was always something I had in my head, way before even looking at this place...
Rather than perception, is it not better to role with the love that we have, as you directed earlier than perceive what we think it should be???
Any relationship between two people, be that parent and child, brother and sister, man and woman, goes in stages, I have never just loved my father and it stops there or my children, their needs change and I alter my feelings to accomodate those feelings along with their needs...
I think love is simple yes, you either love a person or you don't, there is no grey area to love.
I don't need to be told I am loved, I never need to ask for it, I am never unsure of it, I don't yearn to hear the words, because I know I am...
And I have said this many times, don't ask me to tell you that I love you, because you will know when I do. That was always something I had in my head, way before even looking at this place...
Rubbish? Perception is reality...
Aren't you the one with conditional/selfish love? Oh...I went there
LethalLove: Whose reality?
Yours, or?
StressFree: Rubbish? Perception is reality...
Aren't you the one with conditional/selfish love? Oh...I went there
Aren't you the one with conditional/selfish love? Oh...I went there
I am yes, in that I set conditions and I am selfish...
That is my reality and not a perception, I am living that with a man who posts here, you might know him... There is no perception about the love I have, I feel it, I bleed it...
Sommerauer71: You are talking some rubbish?
Rather than perception, is it not better to role with the love that we have, as you directed earlier than perceive what we think it should be???
Any relationship between two people, be that parent and child, brother and sister, man and woman, goes in stages, I have never just loved my father and it stops there or my children, their needs change and I alter my feelings to accomodate those feelings along with their needs...
I think love is simple yes, you either love a person or you don't, there is no grey area to love.
I don't need to be told I am loved, I never need to ask for it, I am never unsure of it, I don't yearn to hear the words, because I know I am...
And I have said this many times, don't ask me to tell you that I love you, because you will know when I do. That was always something I had in my head, way before even looking at this place...
Rather than perception, is it not better to role with the love that we have, as you directed earlier than perceive what we think it should be???
Any relationship between two people, be that parent and child, brother and sister, man and woman, goes in stages, I have never just loved my father and it stops there or my children, their needs change and I alter my feelings to accomodate those feelings along with their needs...
I think love is simple yes, you either love a person or you don't, there is no grey area to love.
I don't need to be told I am loved, I never need to ask for it, I am never unsure of it, I don't yearn to hear the words, because I know I am...
And I have said this many times, don't ask me to tell you that I love you, because you will know when I do. That was always something I had in my head, way before even looking at this place...
Many people need to hear and feel the love from another. Most of us are not secure enough that we don't need re-enforcement from our partner. I find saying it; doing something to reflect it; and, giving something to demostrate it is important to maintaining the flow of a relationship.
LethalLove: there in lies the conundrum...
Big_John: Many people need to hear and feel the love from another. Most of us are not secure enough that we don't need re-enforcement from our partner. I find saying it; doing something to reflect it; and, giving something to demostrate it is important to maintaining the flow of a relationship.
all the ways
Sommerauer71: I am yes, in that I set conditions and I am selfish...
That is my reality and not a perception, I am living that with a man who posts here, you might know him... There is no perception about the love I have, I feel it, I bleed it...
That is my reality and not a perception, I am living that with a man who posts here, you might know him... There is no perception about the love I have, I feel it, I bleed it...
So what would cause the feeling to change? Perception or feelings?
Big_John: Many people need to hear and feel the love from another. Most of us are not secure enough that we don't need re-enforcement from our partner. I find saying it; doing something to reflect it; and, giving something to demostrate it is important to maintaining the flow of a relationship.
That sounds really nice to me.
StressFree: So what would cause the feeling to change? Perception or feelings?
Feelings darling Stressy, only feelings. Feelings would cause those feelings to change. If he chose to be unfaithful, then that would hurt me and my feelings would change, maybe not lessen but they would change. If he told me whopping porkies, my feelings would change, same as they do when I see him, especially after something like two months, my feelings change...
Sommerauer71: You cannot possibly predict how much you will love a person before you will meet them? Surely? Or predict how much they will love you!
This is true. I do however look for more things in common. Exageration here -> Before I would fall in love with any man who
smiled at me. Now I look for common interests, common goals or common values. I figure if we have some of these things in common, the bond will be closer if a relationship develops.
How does one measure love? I don't personally expect love to be "equal". I realize my capacity to love exceeds what most are able to give. I do want a relationship with a close bond, and much love.
B
Get_2_know_me: This is true. I do however look for more things in common. Exageration here -> Before I would fall in love with any man who
smiled at me. Now I look for common interests, common goals or common values. I figure if we have some of these things in common, the bond will be closer if a relationship develops.
How does one measure love? I don't personally expect love to be "equal". I realize my capacity to love exceeds what most are able to give. I do want a relationship with a close bond, and much love.
B
smiled at me. Now I look for common interests, common goals or common values. I figure if we have some of these things in common, the bond will be closer if a relationship develops.
How does one measure love? I don't personally expect love to be "equal". I realize my capacity to love exceeds what most are able to give. I do want a relationship with a close bond, and much love.
B
I like the way you said that.
Big_John: Many people need to hear and feel the love from another. Most of us are not secure enough that we don't need re-enforcement from our partner. I find saying it; doing something to reflect it; and, giving something to demostrate it is important to maintaining the flow of a relationship.
I don't disagree John, many people do, there is nowt wrong with that at all, I don't need to hear the words, I don't need to have lots of gifts, he shows me in ways that I could not even begin to put into words... How many times, if not here, then other places, or from other people have we heard? He/she told me he loved me last night, and I don't know how I feel!' Or ' How long should you wait before you tell a person you love them' Which is ridiclous to my mind, the voiving of the words has a bigger impact for some than being shown love.
I'm just odd, because it is a feeling I have and I receive...
You know like a flower, it does not need to be told it is beautiful, it just is...
Or like honest people do not going around saying they are honest, they just are...
avecaim: I like the way you said that.
THANK YOU!!!
Sommerauer71: I don't disagree John, many people do, there is nowt wrong with that at all, I don't need to hear the words, I don't need to have lots of gifts, he shows me in ways that I could not even begin to put into words...
How many times, if not here, then other places, or from other people have we heard? He/she told me he loved me last night, and I don't know how I feel!' Or ' How long should you wait before you tell a person you love them' Which is ridiclous to my mind, the voiving of the words has a bigger impact for some than being shown love.
I'm just odd, because it is a feeling I have and I receive...
You know like a flower, it does not need to be told it is beautiful, it just is...
Or like honest people do not going around saying they are honest, they just are...
How many times, if not here, then other places, or from other people have we heard? He/she told me he loved me last night, and I don't know how I feel!' Or ' How long should you wait before you tell a person you love them' Which is ridiclous to my mind, the voiving of the words has a bigger impact for some than being shown love.
I'm just odd, because it is a feeling I have and I receive...
You know like a flower, it does not need to be told it is beautiful, it just is...
Or like honest people do not going around saying they are honest, they just are...
We are in totally agreement in that each of us are different and need different things in the relationship. Some need very little; others need a lot; and, me I am inbetween these two extremes. I love to express my feeling toward my partner. However, I don't like doing it when expected, like birthdays, valentine day, Christmas, etc. etc. etc. I like doing when it is not when she think I 'have to'.
Get_2_know_me: I don't personally expect love to be "equal". I realize my capacity to love exceeds what most are able to give. I do want a relationship with a close bond, and much love.
B
B
Interesting. Equalism in relationships has been in vogue since the 60's. It's been a tough transition for both genders. Things take time. We all have our roles in a relationship, and they should be respected with patience and understanding...can't make a cat do dog tricks overnight. Then again, the world's odd ways do put a lot of pressure on our relationships and how it gives us our prescribes nonsense of how things should be. Find your own way...you can go your own way together with happiness and less static.
Get_2_know_me: This is true. I do however look for more things in common. Exageration here -> Before I would fall in love with any man who
smiled at me. Now I look for common interests, common goals or common values. I figure if we have some of these things in common, the bond will be closer if a relationship develops.
How does one measure love? I don't personally expect love to be "equal". I realize my capacity to love exceeds what most are able to give. I do want a relationship with a close bond, and much love.
B
Ah, okay, this explains it better to me, thank you. smiled at me. Now I look for common interests, common goals or common values. I figure if we have some of these things in common, the bond will be closer if a relationship develops.
How does one measure love? I don't personally expect love to be "equal". I realize my capacity to love exceeds what most are able to give. I do want a relationship with a close bond, and much love.
B
I now understand where you were coming from.
And I don't disagree at all with your thoughts, or expectations.
I do find that your penultimate statement is something that is a large statement, in that I think it is wonderful that you have capacity to love so much, yet you seem to think that most people are incapable of giving that to you.
May I say, is that not sort of setting your stall prematurely? As in seeing something that you feel but is not actually what you might receive?
I think you are doing yourself a grave injustice in thinking that way. Because you can only, possibly know what you can give...
Big_John: We are in totally agreement in that each of us are different and need different things in the relationship. Some need very little; others need a lot; and, me I am inbetween these two extremes. I love to express my feeling toward my partner. However, I don't like doing it when expected, like birthdays, valentine day, Christmas, etc. etc. etc. I like doing when it is not when she think I 'have to'.
I adore telling the crazy one that I love him. It makes me feel good to do that, but when I say I do not want to be asked, it means more than words John, it means that if he feels that he has to ask me, that would make me feel that he is doubting the love, and I would be doing something wrong, it has little to do with me feeling unsure about his love and needing to hear the words, which there is nothing wrong in at all, I saying this from my point of view...
StressFree: Interesting. Equalism in relationships has been in vogue since the 60's. It's been a tough transition for both genders. Things take time. We all have our roles in a relationship, and they should be respected with patience and understanding...can't make a cat do dog tricks overnight. Then again, the world's odd ways do put a lot of pressure on our relationships and how it gives us our prescribes nonsense of how things should be. Find your own way...you can go your own way together with happiness and less static.
Aside from the word equalism, I like this Stressie... Oh and the Vogue comment, that is not you feeling it, that is your perception on what soceity has brainwashed many people into thinking.
Sommerauer71: Ah, okay, this explains it better to me, thank you.
I now understand where you were coming from.
And I don't disagree at all with your thoughts, or expectations.
I do find that your penultimate statement is something that is a large statement, in that I think it is wonderful that you have capacity to love so much, yet you seem to think that most people are incapable of giving that to you.
May I say, is that not sort of setting your stall prematurely? As in seeing something that you feel but is not actually what you might receive?
I think you are doing yourself a grave injustice in thinking that way. Because you can only, possibly know what you can give...
I now understand where you were coming from.
And I don't disagree at all with your thoughts, or expectations.
I do find that your penultimate statement is something that is a large statement, in that I think it is wonderful that you have capacity to love so much, yet you seem to think that most people are incapable of giving that to you.
May I say, is that not sort of setting your stall prematurely? As in seeing something that you feel but is not actually what you might receive?
I think you are doing yourself a grave injustice in thinking that way. Because you can only, possibly know what you can give...
Well I am only speaking from my own personal experience. I am 50 & it has no one has loved me near equally yet. I can hope & pray that I find someone who loves me equally or more. But to seriously say I would not love anyone who does not love me equally IMO is setting my self up to be single forever. On the other hand I am not willing to settle for less than I deserve, and have been looking for nearly 11 years now. My standards are high, and it's complicated.
Sommerauer71: Aside from the word equalism, I like this Stressie...
Oh and the Vogue comment, that is not you feeling it, that is your perception on what soceity has brainwashed many people into thinking.
Oh and the Vogue comment, that is not you feeling it, that is your perception on what soceity has brainwashed many people into thinking.
Perception is reality...the Meme has taken off sweety. Old school meets new school...It's not an opinion or a feeling, it's a movement that is in motion. Woman power!
LethalLove: Love is an action.
Be Love.
Be Love.
"Love is all we need" 
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Appreciate what you have...
but is it that simple?
Love in a relationship seems to go in stages to be honest with you...then again, the perception of love goes in stages as well, or?