Do u think being friends with an EX is right? (118)
lakelander: I stayed friends with 2 of my exes for a while but eventually the contact gets less and less and ended with both of them when one or other of us found new partners.
I think that's natural. Personally I would feel it disrespectful to be in regular contact with an ex when I've got a new partner and likewise if they did the same.
I think that's natural. Personally I would feel it disrespectful to be in regular contact with an ex when I've got a new partner and likewise if they did the same.
Good point.
Occasional, irregular contact is ok.......... and even fairly regular contact if there are any kids involved; but with no kids there is really no real need for any contact at all.
angelmarz: I think that would be a cool thing....although sometime's it really depends on the personality's your dealing with....some can be soo heartbroken, they never want to see you again....i know i was getting to know someone earlier in the year and he can't hang out with me just as friends because he wants more with me and i don't feel that way...it's hard for him, i understand...still, it's sad... :(
Ok.
Let's make a deal!
We'll speak to each other every 29th February when you've become my ex - deal?
tomboygirl: i think it all depends on how was the break up,weather you both have been able to distance your selves.if you have a very close confiding relationship with an ex,this could make you more distant from your present partner.
i have frequently met men who dislike my having male friends-if the male friends were also ex's i think they would take issue.i do feel this is due to their issues,and lack of trust,but ignoring your partners issues is not considerate either.
i do however feel that cuting someone completely from my life,that i was formaly very fond of seems very cold.
i have frequently met men who dislike my having male friends-if the male friends were also ex's i think they would take issue.i do feel this is due to their issues,and lack of trust,but ignoring your partners issues is not considerate either.
i do however feel that cuting someone completely from my life,that i was formaly very fond of seems very cold.
I agree on both the lack of trust and some people feeling insecure...... I also agree that it is very cold to cut off somebody either you or the other person or both of you claimed to have loved.
Love isn't something to be thrown away like a used tissue.... we should all harbour some good feelings for those we have been with in the past; but the present must be more important and we do need to consider the feelings of those we are with in the present and not deliberately upset them.
The worst case scenarion I could imagine would be either a woman or man complaining to an ex about their present partner; that would be totally wrong, and worthy of contempt.
RobertC2: I agree on both the lack of trust and some people feeling insecure...... I also agree that it is very cold to cut off somebody either you or the other person or both of you claimed to have loved.
Love isn't something to be thrown away like a used tissue.... we should all harbour some good feelings for those we have been with in the past; but the present must be more important and we do need to consider the feelings of those we are with in the present and not deliberately upset them.
The worst case scenarion I could imagine would be either a woman or man complaining to an ex about their present partner; that would be totally wrong, and worthy of contempt.
Love isn't something to be thrown away like a used tissue.... we should all harbour some good feelings for those we have been with in the past; but the present must be more important and we do need to consider the feelings of those we are with in the present and not deliberately upset them.
The worst case scenarion I could imagine would be either a woman or man complaining to an ex about their present partner; that would be totally wrong, and worthy of contempt.
I agree Robert there should still be some good feelings despite the fact it finished.
With mine they both broke contact when they found new partners but I respected the fact they obviously didn't think it was right for us to continue contact.
I should add in my situation there were no children involved which is a different situation.
I dont have any use for my exes. If you cant be a friend in a relationship then why have them in a non relationship???? Seems kinda pointless to me......
I prefer to keep them in the "stabbing them in the eye with a large spork" category!!!
911gypsy: I dont have any use for my exes. If you cant be a friend in a relationship then why have them in a non relationship???? Seems kinda pointless to me......
true 
better to have them as friends then an enemy.
Nothing says as a friend they have to play a close roll in your "new" life.
Nothing says as a friend they have to play a close roll in your "new" life.
better to have them as friends then an enemy.
Nothing says as a friend they have to play a close roll in your "new" life.
Nothing says as a friend they have to play a close roll in your "new" life.
only if they have a bigger AK47 than you!!!
I think the answer has a lot to do with WHY they/you are the ex.
Of course there are many and varied reasons one becomes an Ex on both sides and there's likely two versions depending on which party is asked as to the why.
So, depending on the situation it's not a yes or no question without more info. Politically correct answer? Yes. Circumstance answer? Maybe yes, maybe no. Especially as another poster pointed out the emotional aspect.
So, what was the argument about and what are the circumstances of the Ex's in question?
Of course there are many and varied reasons one becomes an Ex on both sides and there's likely two versions depending on which party is asked as to the why.
So, depending on the situation it's not a yes or no question without more info. Politically correct answer? Yes. Circumstance answer? Maybe yes, maybe no. Especially as another poster pointed out the emotional aspect.
MzDcent: I just had an arguement with a friend over this so instead to see what u all think
So, what was the argument about and what are the circumstances of the Ex's in question?
MzDcent: I just had an arguement with a friend over this so instead to see what u all think
It matters; I think if someone is so close with their ex then in reality they had more of a friends with benefits type thing and that is dangerous.
They shouldn't have secret meetings and if they do spend time together you should be able to go too; I mean they are just friends.
Many times one of the ex's is still into the other even though they dont admit it and they will manipulate the other person into possibly being with them.
If someone is so into their ex over you, then there is trouble. Many use the ex as a complaining board and a victim board to complain on all the things that you do wrong.
In todays world where women and men cheat so often, I would be ok with it as long as I'm a part of their friendship in a small way.
It's about accountability and if there is nothing going on, then the person you are with shouldnt' have a problem with it.
MzDcent: I just had an arguement with a friend over this so instead to see what u all think
i think the less mohills in life the better,other wise u b facin hills,mountines
I think being friends wht the ex is a good thing as long as it doesent spill over into your current relationship. If you focus too much attention on the ex then the current or future relationship will suffer.
mjames: It matters; I think if someone is so close with their ex then in reality they had more of a friends with benefits type thing and that is dangerous.
They shouldn't have secret meetings and if they do spend time together you should be able to go too; I mean they are just friends.
Many times one of the ex's is still into the other even though they dont admit it and they will manipulate the other person into possibly being with them.
If someone is so into their ex over you, then there is trouble. Many use the ex as a complaining board and a victim board to complain on all the things that you do wrong.
In todays world where women and men cheat so often, I would be ok with it as long as I'm a part of their friendship in a small way.
It's about accountability and if there is nothing going on, then the person you are with shouldnt' have a problem with it.
They shouldn't have secret meetings and if they do spend time together you should be able to go too; I mean they are just friends.
Many times one of the ex's is still into the other even though they dont admit it and they will manipulate the other person into possibly being with them.
If someone is so into their ex over you, then there is trouble. Many use the ex as a complaining board and a victim board to complain on all the things that you do wrong.
In todays world where women and men cheat so often, I would be ok with it as long as I'm a part of their friendship in a small way.
It's about accountability and if there is nothing going on, then the person you are with shouldnt' have a problem with it.
A longish post, but pretty damn well said........ I think I can understand what you're saying.
I think being friends with an ex is ok provided:
1. They have a common interest if they have children together.
2. They are just friends and time has healed both any bitterness or desire.
3. They don't use each other to complain about a current partner either of them might have; though they might be used as a 'sounding board' AFTER a relationship has failed..... e.g.
'It seems I messed up again........... do you believe I'm still making the same mistakes I made with you?'
Maybe the last is NOT a good idea......... she/he might say:
'Yes - you're still the same a**hole I knew and once loved!'
moondustrising: I WOULD DOMANYTHING FOR MY EX, AND ME AND HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND DONT GET ALONG, BUT BEING THAT IS HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND FOR HIM I WOULOD PROBEBLY DEFEND HER. ITS WHO I AM. ITS BETTER THAN BEING MAD AT EACH OTHER OR BREAKING UP BITTERLY. I AM FREINDS WITH ALL MY EX'S. RIGHT NOW I AM SITTING AT THE EDGE OF MY EX HUSBANDS HOSPITAL BED TAKING CARE OF HIM, HE IS CRITICAL, AND HE WAS BAD. BUT I LOVED HIM AS A PERSON
I WILL BE HIS FRIEND FOR EVER.
I WILL BE HIS FRIEND FOR EVER.
That is an act of kindness from the heart to be at your ex-husband's bedside at a very critical time and take care of him. My girlfriend, although remarried was at her ex-husband's bedside taking care of him in the hospital as he was dying from liver cancer. Her present husband encouraged her to do that so she would have closure in her life.
Although her first husband and her divorced, they had always remained friends. They were always in love with each other but could not live together anymore. He was not able to conquer his alcoholism and now he was no dying from cirrosis.
Her second husband and her had a fully 100% trusting monagamous marriage so there was no issue with trust. I have the utmost respect for her 2nd husband to love her so much as to allow her closure as her first husband was dying.
There are definitely good men still in this world and he set the gold standard for doing that small act of kindness for his wife.
LILLYLADY: That is an act of kindness from the heart to be at your ex-husband's bedside at a very critical time and take care of him. My girlfriend, although remarried was at her ex-husband's bedside taking care of him in the hospital as he was dying from liver cancer. Her present husband encouraged her to do that so she would have closure in her life.
Although her first husband and her divorced, they had always remained friends. They were always in love with each other but could not live together anymore. He was not able to conquer his alcoholism and now he was no dying from cirrosis.
Her second husband and her had a fully 100% trusting monagamous marriage so there was no issue with trust. I have the utmost respect for her 2nd husband to love her so much as to allow her closure as her first husband was dying.
There are definitely good men still in this world and he set the gold standard for doing that small act of kindness for his wife.
Although her first husband and her divorced, they had always remained friends. They were always in love with each other but could not live together anymore. He was not able to conquer his alcoholism and now he was no dying from cirrosis.
Her second husband and her had a fully 100% trusting monagamous marriage so there was no issue with trust. I have the utmost respect for her 2nd husband to love her so much as to allow her closure as her first husband was dying.
There are definitely good men still in this world and he set the gold standard for doing that small act of kindness for his wife.
Correction, I meant that he was now dying from cirrosis.....not he was no dying.(my fingers got stuck on the keys)
Janmei: i think it is good...as long as your love won't become hatred.
Huh? That's why you're exes, dammit!
Janmei: what do you mean?? is it so funny?
because the person is an ex!
I think it's nice to be friends with an ex but it shouldn't be too loving as this causes problems.
911gypsy: I dont have any use for my exes. If you cant be a friend in a relationship then why have them in a non relationship???? Seems kinda pointless to me......
My kids live with me but are in touch with their father directly.
IMO...if they have kids then they have to be friends because of the kids.
if they don't have kids then they'd better not to be friends...
I will rule my husband like this....
if they don't have kids then they'd better not to be friends...
I will rule my husband like this....
Amenda: IMO...if they have kids then they have to be friends because of the kids.
if they don't have kids then they'd better not to be friends...
I will rule my husband like this....
if they don't have kids then they'd better not to be friends...
I will rule my husband like this....
Yes, M'am...........
RobertC2: Yes, M'am...........
MzDcent: I just had an arguement with a friend over this so instead to see what u all think
Better to be friends than enemies,for you ,your children if there is any,and your new love even if they are not smart enough to see the advantages through jelousy getting in the way!It depends, I have one Ex that I'd rather not speak to or run into, other than that the rest of em I hang out with or talk to often.
Once you're in a new relationship I don't think it really matters, if you spend a significant portion of your life with someone than it's asking a lot to just cut them out entirely. I didn't vote because it can go either way depending on the ex!
Once you're in a new relationship I don't think it really matters, if you spend a significant portion of your life with someone than it's asking a lot to just cut them out entirely. I didn't vote because it can go either way depending on the ex!
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I think that's natural. Personally I would feel it disrespectful to be in regular contact with an ex when I've got a new partner and likewise if they did the same.