You are given some really neg info on a new partner. Do you..? (61)
I suppose we shouldn't rely on second hand info, BUT...I must admit, it would worry me, just a little bit. Ten years ago, it would not have worried me at all, I would heed no one, do my thing, but now, I have to admit, while I would want to still find out for myself, I would also be tempted to validate this info, rather than push it away, in my mind.
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Who knows why this helpful "friend" is passing on this info...that would be the first thing I would consider 
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venusenvy: Who knows why this helpful "friend" is passing on this info...that would be the first thing I would consider
Let the past lay in the tall grass.
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I was in this situation about 3 plus years ago. I was told he was a womanizer but I did not listen. Unfortunately after being together 2 years I found out the hard way that they were right.
But I still truly believe I would nicely ask them to mind their own business and let me make the decision.
But I still truly believe I would nicely ask them to mind their own business and let me make the decision.
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venusenvy: Who knows why this helpful "friend" is passing on this info...that would be the first thing I would consider
Well, there is always that. An ulterior motive, as you allude to. However, what if it were his former partner that was telling you, and she seemed sincere in her motives, and nice. Sure, it would be his ex, so there is a chance that she might be making it up, but what if she wasn't..
Would you take that chance?
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Who voted for this
You would try to find out the truth, other ways
What 'other ways' might you try, other than asking the person, direct?
You would try to find out the truth, other ways
What 'other ways' might you try, other than asking the person, direct?
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bob1959: This is serious stuff (above). I mean, it's not something minor like.........err snoring or something. I'd bale I think. Too many fish in the river to be with someone who needs "fixing".
But they may be entirely innocent of whatever it is you have heard? Wouldn't that seem a shame, not to have found out for youself, fella?
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JAN_is: I´d like to think that I wouldn´t be swayed until I made my own mind up, but there are very few people who would not be influenced by such negative information.
New pic Jan? Nice! Sorry, off thread.------ This poll is Archived ------
bob1959: New pic Jan? Nice! Sorry, off thread.
Yes, and snoring isn´t so bad. 
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JAN_is: Yes, and snoring isn´t so bad.
thats not what A. says...
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MrInteresting: But they may be entirely innocent of whatever it is you have heard? Wouldn't that seem a shame, not to have found out for youself, fella?
You defiantly have a point MI. Every once in a while, I make a reply, and wish I could reel it back in. I think I may be a little off this time, but honestly, only a little. I guess that's what makes it a great question.
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What are these other ways that people are opting to vote with??
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bob1959: You defiantly have a point MI. Every once in a while, I make a reply, and wish I could reel it back in. I think I may be a little off this time, but honestly, only a little. I guess that's what makes it a great question.
Don't get me wrong, Bob, you way could be the best way.
After all, it is all v well finding out for yerself, but if the thing you find out turns out to be huge, and by that time you are reeled in, you are going to curse yourself for not listening.
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MrInteresting: Who voted for this
You would try to find out the truth, other ways
What 'other ways' might you try, other than asking the person, direct?
You would try to find out the truth, other ways
What 'other ways' might you try, other than asking the person, direct?
watch their behaviour for cues
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mychelle: watch their behaviour for cues
But we all do that anyway, no?
Or do you mean you would be extra vigilant, therefore, to a degree, you have been influenced by the information....
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MrInteresting: But we all do that anyway, no?
Or do you mean you would be extra vigilant, therefore, to a degree, you have been influenced by the information....
Or do you mean you would be extra vigilant, therefore, to a degree, you have been influenced by the information....
You would be watching for slip ups
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'Kay, two peeps have said they would confront them directly.
Go on then, tell us how, and what sort of reaction you might expect..?
Go on then, tell us how, and what sort of reaction you might expect..?
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Ask yourself one question first, who do you trust more...the friend or the lady? make your decision of whether to confront her based on that.
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venusenvy: Ask yourself one question first, who do you trust more...the friend or the lady? make your decision of whether to confront her based on that.
Yup, that is fair enough, but even if the friend was generally trustworthy, if you really went with what he or she said, then would you never harbour a nagging doubt that perhaps they either got it wrong, or there was more to the story (like their side of it!)?
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galwaydave: introduce my friend to the back of my hand just kidding i guess i would get stressed and investigate
By doing what?
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a casual conversation with her just kinda approach the subject giving her the option of commenting. kinda sly i guess 
its just if you ask her straight up maybe you do damage as its so early in the relationship. i guess i dont know whsat would be the right thing to do
its just if you ask her straight up maybe you do damage as its so early in the relationship. i guess i dont know whsat would be the right thing to do ------ This poll is Archived ------
galwaydave: a casual conversation with her just kinda approach the subject giving her the option of commenting. kinda sly i guess its just if you ask her straight up maybe you do damage as its so early in the relationship. i guess i dont know whsat would be the right thing to do
Well, spin it around.
Were this thing being said about YOU, what would you want the person who had heard it, to do?
Me?
I would rather she came and asked me, flat out.
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i trust my close friends. i know they have my back. and then i would ask the person, to get it out in the open and discussed. i would watch to see if the talk and the walk matched. take in all the information, and make up my own mind about it over a period of time.
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Well, spin it around.
Were this thing being said about YOU, what would you want the person who had heard it, to do?
Me?
I would rather she came and asked me, flat out.[/quote
I'm lying all of my "skeletons" on the table on the first date. The fact that I do proves the other that it's my past and the experiences made me what I'm today. It's also a great opportunity for the other to do the same and always worked out great.
Whatever the negative info was it could as well be something that's over and done. Maybe it isn't and that's why you heard from somebody else. You'll never find out until you've spoken with her about it and since you both working on a relationship open, clear communication is a must. Sure healthier than turning into an obsessive observer full of mistrust and doubts.
People CAN change - I know by experience.
Were this thing being said about YOU, what would you want the person who had heard it, to do?
Me?
I would rather she came and asked me, flat out.[/quote
I'm lying all of my "skeletons" on the table on the first date. The fact that I do proves the other that it's my past and the experiences made me what I'm today. It's also a great opportunity for the other to do the same and always worked out great.
Whatever the negative info was it could as well be something that's over and done. Maybe it isn't and that's why you heard from somebody else. You'll never find out until you've spoken with her about it and since you both working on a relationship open, clear communication is a must. Sure healthier than turning into an obsessive observer full of mistrust and doubts.
People CAN change - I know by experience.
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Majority rules, and then after finding out the truth other ways, confront both your friend first to thank him/her or correct him/her, then your partner.
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I'd go straight to the source because stories have a way of getting altered...all to often.
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Veritaas: Find out for yourself, talk to the person about it.
And they are going to tell the truth, you think?
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MrInteresting: Who voted for this
You would try to find out the truth, other ways
What 'other ways' might you try, other than asking the person, direct?
You would try to find out the truth, other ways
What 'other ways' might you try, other than asking the person, direct?
I'd opt for discovering it myself.Innocent until proven guilty. So still be with my new partner. Unless the negative info has something to do with illegal stuff.
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MrInteresting: And they are going to tell the truth, you think?
Well how could one possibly know unless they know the person you are actually talking about.
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MrInteresting: Well, spin it around.
Were this thing being said about YOU, what would you want the person who had heard it, to do?
Me?
I would rather she came and asked me, flat out.
Were this thing being said about YOU, what would you want the person who had heard it, to do?
Me?
I would rather she came and asked me, flat out.
true. and once you get an answer, stop asking. and it wont be brought up again. It's called trust building?
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58 Votes
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61 Comments
Created: Jun 2010
Last Viewed: Apr 24
Last Commented: Jun 2010
Last Voted: Jul 2017
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You are given some really neg info on a new partner. Do you..?(Vote Below)
Imagine you had just began seeing someone.
A few weeks, perhaps three. You were really keen on them. They are really keen on you. All seems well. Then, someone, for example, a close friend, tells you that they know of this person, and that they are trouble, either they are serial cheats, or spent a lot of time, in and out of psychiatric units, or they allegedly used to abuse their last partner.
What would you do?