I will address this here, only because it highlights the lack of the acceptance others receive who choose an avatar other than themselves. My reason should be self-evident in the very title of this Blog. “The street finds its own uses for things,” Gibson wrote, and I guess that is true, as I have looked over the profiles of others who receive less criticism than me for proof.
The close up is, in fact, a dead ringer for me at the time I posted it, but it is not I in that photo. I am in the full-length photo with George Martin if that is any consolation to those who have nothing better in their lives than to amuse themselves on The Internet with their own sense of self-importance. A photo is not required to attract such types, of course; an articulate profile, specific match criteria, or an eloquent blog post will suffice to bring out these poster children for “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.” You just have to read their postings with a critical eye to see it for what it is.
Yet it does seem women need an accurate physical representation despite their claim that such requirements are strictly shallow male requirements. So I have proved same: the face of the person on this end of the computer.
Seems to me more relationships would be won by simple conversation than by self-important harangues. But that’s just my opinion, perhaps….
I tend not to think about this side too much though it is a good idea to know the enemy. Off the top of my head, I would say a lack of appreciation contributes to lowering my energy.
Sometimes this is accomplished with a slow burn and at other times a lack of appreciation packs a powerful immediate wallop. It all depends on the amount of significance I place on the individual occurance/interaction. But things can build up.
A lack of appreciation can be shown in a number of omissions in courtesy from not sending a simple "I am flattered by your interest but I am not interested" (which reflects appreciation for getting a look in the first place to saying "it's no big deal" to someone after you have given aid (rather than the simple affirmation "you are welcome.")
Then there are people who do not live up to their obligations, which may be the result of a lack of self-appreciation in the first place. They say yes (or no) to everything with equal weight.
Not being heard is a problem I have often encountered in my business career as a communications consultant. For business clients this can result in significant negative outcomes. Off the top of my head and very early in the morning (for me), if positive energy flows along a two-way current, then negative energy results from a one-way (unreciprocated) flow, IMHO.
Nice to read some thoughtful discussion and introspection. Thank you for contributing it here.
I am in Jac’s corner (I think) when it comes to emotional energy strengthening the higher up the needs hierarchy we go, and I default to Alderfer rather than Maslow (though props to Abraham).
I remember walking into a room and experiencing the emotion of importance because I had played some role in the event inside that room. The emotional charge I got from contribution and recognition, and the empowerment I felt working with mentors who helped me progress towards self-actualization are highs to which I have very strong attachments.
In counterpoint to that, I have lived in a culture foreign to me where avoidance of responsibility is positively reinforced and contribution is negatively punished. I am a fish out of water without the old anchors and I hardly feel important. In fact, quite the opposite as those around me balance out their own inadequacies. And my emotional energy is habitually low.
It is difficult to explain to persons who are fearful that taking a chance on themselves can be intrinsically rewarding. It is hard to take a chance on oneself when one is enveloped within a circle of fear while still easy to intellectualize: like learning to swim in a raging ocean.
Wow. Capital punishment for intention. That's heavy. In fact, either you really do believe in a kind of minority report or you're just having one over on us. I hope the latter.
I am into my 14th year here, and it is a bit more complicated than what you describe for me, but, yes, I do feel ostracized. This does not end behind my door, of course, but it is far more manageable. Dealing with people here, for me with my open positive cultural attitude, has been a disturbing unforgettable mess.
There is a quote by Dana-Christene Umanetz that captures, for me a little less dramatically, the feeling you describe:
I do not want to hijack Thondae‘s blog but I did want to give you a reply. I see you have dropped me a message but I won’t get to it just yet.
You flatter me with your comment of spending time with my writing. Thank you for that. It can be difficult to work within 4000 characters (less than 1,000 words) when expressing personal and complicated topics. It is nice to feel appreciated.
As for monogamy, I never felt like I would be missing anything by it. I can recall to you that it was a woman, 15-years older than me with two children, who first suggested a menage-a-trois to me. That was a bit of a mind blower. Even my reason for associating with older persons speaks to the generational gap I experienced at home and with my contemporaries.
But I certainly relate to your point about society. It occurs to me that the heads of a society, usually the wealthiest members, do not practice it. This likely goes back to a type of droit du seigneur relationship between the upper and lower classes.
Thank you very much for the appreciation. I do like it.
I think whether or not someone is a good or bad teacher pivots more on the student: what the student is focused on learning and able to understand at the time of learning.
There is a saying that: and I know the truth of it because I have been on both sides of that equation.
From my personal experience, I have concluded that idyllic religious beliefs are a tremendous barrier to learning. Were I a wise man, I could have learnt this lesson from the experiences of others, like Galileo and Copernicus for example, without having to learn it firsthand. My father’s beliefs about marriage (lessons he passed on to me) certainly were a wellspring of great psychological trauma to him.
Judging from what I am reading on religious Blogs, it also leads to bitter cognitive dissonance when life does not turn out to be as God promised.
The book is coming along slowly - both the contemporary noir crime story and the historical medieval one. Lots of research and reading, revising and re-writing. I am averaging -1,000 words a day at the moment.
Yours is a very profound statement. It resonates with me.
Memory is re-constructed every time it is pulled out. It gets added to and embellished with every use because the user has had more experiences and (one would hope) a better understanding of events that occurred in the past. There is that distance, like seeing ourselves in a dream; that is counter-intuitive. After all, these are our memories of real events! But it is also why witnesses to the same event cannot attest to seeing the same thing; and why an accused has the right to s swift trial. Memory is a tricky thing easily tinged with nostalgia looking back.
And looking forward, it is about time I get writing another blog post for tomorrow. And I will read your posts about your European holiday to get me into the mood. .
Something I skimmed off the Net while looking for the study I was quoting as fact rather than opinion (vis. success rate of arranged marriages). I really have to dash but I like to give the source underlining my facts so I made the attempt and came up with a January 2013 article in the New York Times entitled: Modern Lessons From Arranged Marriages.
It is a complex issue. And my first reaction to someone, regardless of age, saying I would rather kill myself or I would have no "life" is the person making such a statement has lived a comfortable life of entitlement. Someone who states they would rather die but then complains about threats against their life just sounds, to me, like a convenient hypocrite without regard for anything but their own sense of entitlement. Not very adult whatever the age of the speaker.
Listening to the statements in the video with a critical mind, I am reminded of justifications for egotistical self-righteousness to me.
Life is what you chose to make it sweetheart. No one can take it away from you. Maybe you'll learn that one day and maybe not. Wisdom tells me that attitude, rather than age, will be a factor in that lesson.
Thank you Welela for your encouragement. I will get back to this blog and I have not forgotten it.
By the way, that is a nice bright top you're wearing in your photo. It highlights you and your positive vibe. It makes your photo standout. Great choice.
I just hope readers like you won't forget me while I am away for the month.
I do not know the absolute answer to your question but my relative truth is going to be closest to Welela's answer. My own personal feeling, my gut instinct for what it is worth, is that showing oneself love is no indicator of the ability of love's outward expression. But, at least, you won't lose yourself in that scenario. So, given my experience in the topic, today I am more persuaded by Welela's answer.
Still, I do observe children learn to express love from their parents' expressions - they do not learn it from themselves. I do not believe love is inherent in everyone. I do believe it can be taught if the pupil is child-like docile, however. Same as hate can be taught and is not inherent in a person. (It just gets harder to rewire when biology gets coded by patterns.)
I have a very strong bent towards ideals and the focus of ideas. The actual shorthand for me in business (marketing) was "idea man." I cannot imagine myself in a harmonious, nurturing romance without this aspect of myself reflected in/by my partner. I do not mean she needs to be my "yes man" - she just needs to be able to speak my "language" in concert or debate.
There are three subjects people focus their talk on: people, things, and ideas. I cannot see people making a life being tethered to the opposite ends on that scale.
I would say you have to know what you need in a person before you meet them, but, that does not always work out either I have learnt to my surprise.
I think the world is populated enough now that we should start thinking collectively rather than individually when it comes to our society. (yeah, not globalism but inclusivity.)
Nice to see your comment! (Makes me feel less lonely - thank you.)
You relate the truth, of course. If persons cannot come together for a shared cause then there is only the rule of the big dog: the one that barks the loudest and bites the hardest.
I find that is an upsetting, but true, thought; one we just have to accept.
I am a long way from done so I won’t post what I got. This has the whole she-bang. I hope so for 400 quid! It was my retirement gift some of the members of the association gave me. Writing requires me to have a map and this software is the easiest thing. Creating the land in my head is hard.
aRrAe Blog Comments (120)
I do like it. 
RE: Half a Joke
Incisive, sardonic wit for the win. Seriously, one can pick up all kinds of pesky dots in a flea market.... LOL