Nope. I am referring to the Puppet Masters of my acquaintance (particularly women in Poland but also girls in High School back in Canada) who seemed to think no words would be needed when Prince Charming arrived. [The chances of such a Prince arriving lessen as one ages.] He would act and speak exactly perfect, like a puppet but one without so much as an honest word of guidance from the puppet master.
This is not the same as a puzzle-piece fit, of course. Fit requires no manipulation, overt or covert.
I am pretty easy to please so I cannot say about pleasing someone in every way but it makes sense to me. I keep my expectations of others to a low maintenance level. My needs that would substantiate a “partnership” do have a prioritisation and hangers on simply won’t make that cut. I want a marriage that allows the two complete people in it, with the same personal goal, to grow and self-actualize. I want both of us to find happiness in becoming the person we wish to be, and sharing this knowledge with the other as a process of learning and, also, as a process of intimacy building. But that’s me, and the rest of my periphery is fairly an untidy place outside of my passionate focus.
This mirrors my current surroundings: books piled around me in various states of reading, paper everywhere on my desk without any seeming order, a chair for clothes, lots of dust and dust motes; forgotten cold coffee on a coaster, multi-coloured highlighters, pens and a pencil, binders stacked atop one another on a corner table, a chair that cries out for upholstery, etc., etc. I need a cleaning servant for the periphery, but not a partner. She should share the focus not be the focus or be upset with the periphery – and me her likewise.
Easy answer to that: to inform the other of the severity (or weight) of the search. It speaks to compatibility and the shared-ness of the journey.
I noticed the same thing too, back in high school – some 35 years ago. Granted none whom I met were in the mindset of looking for a suitable marriage candidate (I was!), but the plain reality I have observed is that people put more due diligence into buying a car than they do in creating a life. They just hop in and drive, setting themselves up for payments they may or may not be able to afford or do not reflect the actual value of the vehicle. That has always made me indignant, usually while learning this lesson within a relationship where I get left on the curb – sometimes by my choice and sometimes not.
The threat of jail time will do it. Crime does not discriminate with regards to the amount or to the need. Stealing for your child to eat has the same punishment as stealing to gamble. Both of these people have no fear about laying their hands over the mouth of a cobra – the cobra hasn’t struck them for a while I reckon or their conscience is too short.
Good on you Catfoot. This happening inside the immediate family circle isn’t the same thing as being a tattle tail amongst close friends. Your dad’s known you all your life and you owe your loyalty to him as much as Cordelia owed to her father, King Lear. That’s the way I see it.
This is one of those forks in the road with me. I neither want to be married/chained to an old hen sitting by the fence all day gossiping (such as politics) nor discussing the latest circus 24 hours 7 days a week. When events get discussed, usually it’s my experience, conversation turns on the persons involved. “Obama Health Plan” for example of an (important) event falling into a hen party. Fix the problem and not the blame is too high minded for many, including those with the hubris trying to fix the credit before solving the problem.
(Dear Madame First lady) I do not know about “great minds” discussing ideas. That sounds a little self-serving to me, and I am far from a great mind. But discussing ideas – using the fertile human imagination, knowledge accumulated from history, a consultative approach to managing; and being open to creative solutions for change – is a self-awareness, a mindfulness that separates the capability of the human mind from animals.
Everyone is capable to discuss ideas. Not many do because they are out of practice. To discuss an idea, one must first have his or her own ideas and the intellectual honesty to explore them.
A great mind is no different from a small mind: it is use that demonstrates its function.
I cannot fathom any woman being satisfied with me as her life partner if she cannot follow, or was simply too disinterested in, a conversation centred on ideas such as I would have with her. This process of fully developing our ideas on life, to come to a better understanding of what’s going on around us and the life we live, is what I consider to be intimacy. This is why I stress this aspect of myself in my profile and on the communication platforms on this site.
For me, relationships are like taking a journey, which has been a metaphor for life as long as I can remember. If the person is not heading in the same direction as I am I have two choices if I wish to pursue the relationship: reject them by trying to change them; or changing the course of my life to accommodate them and, thus, reject myself.
I would rather accept someone who is headed in the same general direction as I in the five areas of life: physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual and social. If I feel the need to put a paper bag over someone’s head before I can enjoy them, I would spare myself and the other person the humiliation. I do not want a relationship filled with subtle or evident disrespect, which will end in tears for both.
First, if I can be honest, I look at photos here that suggest our body types won’t look like a casting call for a Laurel and Hardy pair. I know what I am partial too and what will keep me reasonably happy at home. Then I read profiles seeking the kind of self-knowledge that fuels decision. If the image pairs with the written thought, I will seek clarity, knowing at least a friendship is possible.
That’s my short list, Mapmaker. I wish more women approached relationships the same way.
You're very welcome Calliopesgirl Observing people without directly engaging them can be more effective, IMHO. Actions are louder than words. But, of course, this takes time.
morgen90210 A full amen to that brother! Such people want to appear better than they are by making another look small. They throw around words like “pathetic” or “silly” or cast aspersions in a vain attempt to rid themselves of their own dark shadows. Do not accept their burden upon yourself. Walk away from them keeping your integrity and maturity intact. Quality people will identify the vain for what they are.
And NEVER argue with such people, even if you are motivated from the kindness of your heart. They will just bring you down to their level and beat you with the experience.
interesting... putting square brackets "[" around a word removes it.
The quote should read: "It is not what goes into a _person_'s mouth......" replacing the gender specific noun with the gender neutral. (I believe it applies to everyone, sorry Jesus.)
KNenagh Well, let us agree that I am happy the photos on my profile give people an accurate reflection of my face and body type and, the one photo you get hung up on, protects me from a kind of false-interest people who judge books by their cover are apt to give. Such people cannot look beyond appearances and are less than self-effacing in manner; they’re loud and brash types lacking some of the good grace I offer and seek in return. If they leave me alone, it saves me the time I will never get back by explaining to such people, who are prone to counter every argument with self-aggrandizing ad hominem attacks or straw man rebuttals rather than to seek understanding for themselves, about themselves.
No matter what photo I put up, some people will always find something about it to attack. That’s the nature of a place that competes for self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, and popularity to manage loneliness.
Here comes the negativity on the wind.... on someone else's blog.
KNenagh You are welcome to your opinion. Perhaps you prefer the other photo I have on my profile? Or perhaps not? Again, you are welcome to your opinion and snap judgments.
I do not know the person writing this blog. So I will not judge them. And I would prefer if people interested in me were to give me the same courtesy. So your opinion works out for me.
zmountainman If a person’s mental gymnastics are so quick to judge, I am sure Gibson will have no problem ignoring them. The street finds it’s own use for things. It would be a different matter were I actually impersonating him. You like to lead the scandal brigade, with very little knowledge as you’ve shown in posts to my blog, and I feel sorry for those souls caught in your wind.
I also feel sorry for those lonely people, people who are alone, seeking some connection and either an end or a respite from their loneliness, when someone oblivious and litigious like you shows up to deepen their feelings of solitude, alienation and depression. I have a great deal of empathy for those people.
You're welcome LastStrike. I can understand the awkwardness of your situation.
Aaltarboy My name's RA, which made it interesting when I was required to have a name with a 5 letter minimum. Picked a phonetic nickname.
Cheers to you both!
grumble... I now notice I transposed winnow and chaff whilst correcting chaff before hitting post. (The correction didn't go well either, but I am happy the message got across.)
I had a check at this, Dawn4ever. Thanks for that. Sadly, everything your blog mentions is true. I cannot imagine being a parent these days with so much popular wisdom against proper parenting. I would definitely like to turn on my kids to books, for example, but the odds are so stacked against such a habit when society gives equal credence to promotion channels like Wikipedia v. Encyclopedia Britannica, for example. When any tin-hat crackpot can self-publish on Amazon, that can then recommend such a book, why would my kid(s) make the trip to a brick and mortar bookstore to browse a shelf?
I am also afraid that living real life is being mediated/medicated through “social media” technology. How will these future adults, even ones I would parent, manage in a society of their generation that cannot communicate without emoticons and enoji? (I mean, I see this even now – how much more so in 20 year’s time?!)
“It's Your World Now” Written by Glenn Frey and Jack Tempchin From the Eagles’ Long Road Out of Eden album (2007)
A perfect day, the sun is sinkin' low As evening falls, the gentle breezes blow The time we shared went by so fast Just like a dream, we knew it couldn't last But I'd do it all again If I could, somehow But I must be leavin' soon It's your world now
It's your world now My race is run I'm moving on Like the setting sun No sad goodbyes No tears allowed You'll be alright It's your world now
Even when we are apart You'll always be in my heart When dark clouds appear in the sky Remember true love never dies
But first a kiss, one glass of wine Just one more dance while there's still time My one last wish: someday, you'll see How hard I tried and how much you meant to me
It's your world now Use well your time Be part of something good Leave something good behind The curtain falls I take my bow That's how it's meant to be It's your world now It's your world now It's your world now
PS. It’s RA, not the inverse. Like Ty, or Bo, or Al, or Cy, etc. But not pronounced like the Sun God Ra
You know something, this guy, whomever he is, is going to be scratching his head once he realises his photo is posted on a website called Connecting Singles. [You can hear me laughing all the way from Poland if you turn your speakers up or open your window.]
I realise now that ever since she married Paul Simon, my life has been a teenage tailspin of broken dreams - and I have only come to accept what a bullet I dodged since The Force Awakens.
aRrAe Blog Comments (120)
RE: Still Waiting For The Right One?
Catfoot,I think it was in the Apocryphal.