rusty_knight Forum Posts (6,840)

RE: what is it you like about where you live ?

Ummmmmmmmmmm......one thing I like about where I live (a little island) is that none of my ex wives live here!

RE: Assistance Required - when do I ask to meet her?

Dang, is this a dating site? Oh dear...I thought it was a communal think tank therapy thingy!

RE: THE EX-WIFE

Lots of animals have feeding rituals before mating - those people are probably bird brains and trying to seduce each other with the equivalent of a nice juicy worm!

In the UK this ritual is known as doing 'The Garry Linekar' - you buy somebody you fancy a packet of salt and vinegar crisps and follow up with some nice warm lager you've swilled around in your mouth for a couple of minutes - yum! yum!

On the first day of Christmas..........

Very interesting........... I'd never really thought deeply of the origins - only thing missing is the partridge up a pear tree - is this also 'my true love/God', or the devil, or what?

On the first day of Christmas..........

I think it only goes up to 12 days....... unless you want 13 antcus's acussing?

RE: Assistance Required - when do I ask to meet her?

Yeah, but for you it wasn't coffee but a large case of cisk to break the ice with Jacko and Lagoona!

RE: Assistance Required - when do I ask to meet her?

Large, unmean but macho!

If the date is crap, at least enjoy the coffee!

RE: Englishman, Irishman & a Scotsman

MARTI! long time no see!

RE: APPRECIATING THE MISUNDERSTOOD GRINCH .....OR STOPPING XMAS..

Some of your link was too rude to copy and paste, but at least it ended happily:

'Turkey shaken awake by vigorous plucking. Neck broken by grinning farmhand. Guts removed by mechanical suction device. Lifeless cadaver hurled in back of van and driven direct to your door.

Merry Christmas'

On the first day of Christmas..........

On the tenth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me:

Ten flowers in a healing pool aflowering
Nine Brunettes cream awhipping
Eight Lagoona's mooning
Seven lisas emailing naughty stuff
Six Marti's smiling
Five Jackos changing tyres
Four smokies smoking
Three witchy thingies witching
Two rusty knights arusting
And a KT up a pear tree

On the first day of Christmas..........

Dang - that was offensive!

On the seventh day of Christmas
My true love sent to me
Seven Lisa's naked Santa emailing
Six Marti's martini drinking
Five confused jacko's!

Four funky smokies funking
Three witches doing witchy sister stuff
Two rusticated knights
And a KT up a pear tree!

RE: Englishman, Irishman & a Scotsman

Oi tink yer got der Scootsman and der Irishman mixed oop - inna der Scootsman what is s'posed ter be mean?

RE: Assistance Required - when do I ask to meet her?

Go for it, but remember she will be able to discern your true personality from the coffee you order!

Should you be macho and have a tiny mean little expresso?

Should you be all soft and cuddly and order a cafe latte?

Should you be 'gay' and order a frothy cappucinno?

Should you be a slob and order a cafe americano?

Remember, you only get one chance to make a good first impression!

You could always wait and see what she orders then order the same - unless it's something that really disgusts you..........or order a good old cup of tea - Earl Grey perhaps?

Hey, I'm only joking - dammit! Good luck!

RE: God...fact or fiction?

Well, which came first - the chicken or the egg?

Religion and humanity are like this; if you BELIEVE something to be true then it becomes true for you - whether you believe God created everything or mankind created God it really doesn't matter as long as you have some sense of right and wrong and at least try to treat others the way you'd like to be treated yourself.

For those who believe they are atheists, please try not to ridicule those with sincere beliefs in an almighty creator - and for those who believe in God please try and refrain from burning non-believers at the stake!

On the first day of Christmas..........

Well done! Thanks for your help in this vital Christmas project!

So what were the three witchy sisters doing - witching?

On the fourth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me
Four smoky Swiss people asmoking
Three witchy sisters awitching
Two rusty knights arusting
And a thingy thing up a pear tree

RE: APPRECIATING THE MISUNDERSTOOD GRINCH .....OR STOPPING XMAS..

I never said I wanted to ban Christmas. I just find it sad that many people are miserable at 'this' particular time of the year and I can understand and sympathise with them.

I enjoyed last Christmas; it was my first with my parents for over 30 years.

I cooked small featherless animal bits related to a turkey; it had no wings or legs but had six breasts - a packet of chicken breasts which I did weird things to like stuffing with stilton cheese and wrapping in bacon. I cooked a christmas pudding in the microwave that caught fire - the smoke smelt real good!

I hope it wasn't the last Christmas, but this time I think I'll dish up a bowl of cornflakes; less hassle!

Christmas - a time for joy or a time for the blues?

Some good varied responses - thank you! Manolito seems to have a great family where they all get together from all the corners of the world - and the family members they don't like (the gits) they give to the postman! (return to sender?)

Oh well, typos can be so amusing at times!

Cheers!

Rusty Git

On the first day of Christmas..........

If KT wrote it himself I am impressed; however I think his 'stuff' was plagiarised!

On the first day of Christmas..........

KT - very good, but you spoilt the Christmas spirit before it even began!

Ok, so the second day?

On the second day of Christmas
My true love gave to me:
Two rusty knights arusting
and a bleeding fairy stuck right up a pear tree!

Dammit, I hoped we could end up with a CS christmas song full of CS characters such as:

'five Awesome thingies in pink leather on mopeds amoping',
'six Jackos ajokeposting' 'seven lisajanes awobbling'
'eight fawning brunettes afawning'
'nine cisk-swilling angels/lagoonas aburping'........ No?



Shame on y'all for being party poopers! ~sniff~

Christmas - a time for joy or a time for the blues?

Good one!

Christmas - a time for joy or a time for the blues?

Christmas comes but once a year - thank God......just imagine if Jesus had a real birthday and an official one like the Queen of England?

Ok, how do YOU feel about Christmas?

It seems to make many people sad. I miss being a kid and the excitement, but most of all I miss the family getting together. I believe that many single people miss those times too, they remember loved ones who are dead, and think of those who are still alive but are far away in another country.

The emphasis on material goods makes me feel sad - it's not the message I'd like to hear.............. how I'd happily choose a day with my family over a brand new car, for example.

The gift of life and the gift of love are what we should celebrate.

We should not be made to feel guilty if we can't afford to buy lavish presents for all and sundry, but small gifts given with love mean so much............ the old adage 'it's the thought that counts' that is so true - giving a gift to somebody you appreciate who is a relative stranger might mean more than you realise. In 'the old days' people often gave christmas gifts to those who provided us with a service we took for granted - the post man, the milk man etc.

There's an old song sung by some crap old band called 'I wish it could be Christmas every Day!' - yes, for the spirit of caring and loving your neighbour - but 'No!' to the enforced commercialism that leaves many people starting a new year struggling to pay their bills because 'little Johnie' had to have the new version of 'Playdough version 666'!

Want to know what the ideal Christmas present for your whining brat? - a sock containing an apple, an orange and a piece of string!

The apple and orange are good for the kid.......and he/she can hang himself/herself with the piece of string if life really is unbearable without the new version of Playdough............

On the first day of Christmas..........

On the first day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me....
A big hug and lots of sloppy kisses (yum! yum!)

Now it's your turn!



On the second day of Christmas
My true love sent to me.................

Go on - what did he/she send you? (Let's try and do this all the way through - twelve days...then we can sing it at the next CS do when we get together! )

RE: why are so few people sending mails?

Lawyers can be decent people, but never employ a lawyer friend to work for you.........my now deceased brother used a lawyer friend to do the conveyancing on a property he sold back in the 80's - the lawyer helped himself to over £20,000 of the sale proceeds!

Ever been kept waiting by a lawyer?

Say he/she charges you £120 per hour - charge him/her £2 for every minute that you are kept waiting!¬

RE: Explain your CS name

Morning, lagoona - did you explain your CS id?

RE: Explain your CS name

One CS member's id used to be 'lungtungnoduck' but he spent all day explaining what it meant to strange ladies!

RE: why are so few people sending mails?

El Fayed whatever (the Harrods boss man Egyptian who got rejected for British citizenship) has been forking out about one million pounds PER WEEK in legal fees over the Diana (Died In A Nasty Accident) thingy whatsit.........

I took legal action against a lawyer in my first divorce case - and I won! (all on my own just because I knew a little law myself and wasn't going to be impressed by a lawyer trying to bully me)

(I'd rather any ex wife get my money than a lawyer; it's a shame that some people make money out of the misery of others )

RE: Blonde

Excuse me, for a non-native English speaker FOS spills quit will!

RE: Blonde

Sounds good - I had a lousy lunch, but the company was Grrrrrrreat!

RE: Explain your CS name

wow - I was born in Uganda and used to speak Swahili as a kid but have forgotten almost all of it now - kwende khabisa!

RE: HEALING ROOM

Maybe it's at such a time that you question the very meaning of life and end up rationalising some hope - if you come up with a 'what if?' philosophy that can give you comfort whatever the outcome then you can deal with almost everything that life throws at you.

Human beings are strange creations; one can have health and wealth and still be bored and miserable - another can be impoverished materially and living from day to day with some terrible illness and still radiate love and goodness.

Happiness is certainly a state of mind - what makes us feel good about ourselves and others and the gift of live is both complex and 'simple' -

the ability to change our attitude from 'the glass is half empty' to 'the glass is half full' to even 'the glass magically never seems to empty' is what makes one person build pyramids and another unable to get out of bed consumed with the misery of self-pity!



The KNOWLEDGE that we are capable of great things is both exciting and frightening; sometimes it is so much easier to 'never try to succeed' than risk what seems like eternal failure in the journey through life - right?