diggadavo Forum Posts

Feb 2, 2015

RE: Happy Birthday diggadavo!

Thanks kids for the well wishes

A little too much

took place....

Just looked in the mirror and the eyes look like 2 eagles ar*eholes in a power dive

Not pretty from inside or out

View Thread

Jan 30, 2015

RE: Five Words

Hey, good for you.....lets

View Thread

Jan 30, 2015

RE: Five Words

Poor Molly baby is bored

View Thread

Jan 30, 2015

RE: Five Words

Poor Mrl needs a shoulder

View Thread

Jan 30, 2015

RE: Five Words

Where's Serene when we need her

What's the matter cobba

View Thread

Jan 30, 2015

RE: Five Words

Here ya go, my shout

View Thread

Jan 29, 2015

RE: Australian Men

Had to use a

translator

Took a punt on Spanish

View Thread

Jan 29, 2015

RE: Five Words

You got me once again

View Thread

Jan 29, 2015

After her sixth child, Jane decided that she should
have some cosmetic surgery "down below"
to restore herself to her former youthful glory
because her bomb doors were dangling a bit too low
and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and childbirth had
taken its toll and she reckoned that, with six children now being
the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there so it
looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed
kebab.

Following the operation she awoke from her
anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.

"Who are these from ?" she asked the nurse, "They're
very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them."

"Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the
operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he
wanted to say thanks".

"Ahhh, that's really nice" said Jane.

"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was
such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll
be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very
excited!".

"Brilliant!" said Jane. "And the third?".

"That's from Eric, a patient in the burns unit" said the nurse.
"He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears."

View Thread

Jan 29, 2015

RE: Friday Funnies

A bloke walks into a bar in New Zealand and orders a shandy. All the
Kiwis sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see another
English visitor.
The barman says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?" The guy says,
"No, I'm from Canada." The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada?"
The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist." The bartender says, "A tixidermist?
What the hick is a tixidermist? Do you drive a tixi?" "No, a
taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals."
The bartender grins and yells, "He's okay boys. He's one of us."

View Thread

Jan 29, 2015

RE: Friday Funnies

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he landed the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he takes his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollar is hidden.

The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, c*ck it, and says: "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger.

View Thread

Jan 29, 2015

RE: Friday Funnies

A 57-year-old woman was arrested for shoplifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" She replied: a can of peaches.
The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.
The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail."
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.
He said," What is it? "
The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."

View Thread

Jan 29, 2015

RE: Friday Funnies

Friendship between Women

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship between Men

A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over and two claimed that he was still there.

View Thread

Jan 29, 2015

RE: Friday Funnies

There is a factory in America which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm. A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 0800.

The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself so the 2men march down to the factory floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands the new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and
approaches the woman. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,"but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday.............your job is to give Elmo two test tickles".

View Thread

Jan 29, 2015