I mainly did it because I want him to look at my picture, remember and suffer. Of course, by the time I had thought it through completely, I wished I hadn't mailed it, but the post was already gone. I don' t have to worry about running into him, because I live like 843 miles from him for the time being. I'm glad you thought enough about this to voice your concern.
I bruised mine once (Thanks Jose Cuervo!!), and I was miserable for weeks. It would still hurt sometimes almost a year later - if I sat in one position for too long. I know how she feels and I'll pray for her!!
If only I could kick that far. I did black his eye and kind of, sort of, um, accidentally, on purpose, busted out his truck windows when I found out 3 years ago....does that count? LOL
I was a little more colorful when I asked that...lol but I won't repeat it on here.....
I hope I didn't miss anyone. I didn't want anyone to think I had started a thread, then deserted it. I just went to work...the bills won't stop because my heart is trying to mend.
Thank you everyone for your empathy, support, and suggestions!!
No, I can't be honest in how I view this man. I could come up with an excuse or justification for every question that I asked. I don't feel that you tried to lay me bare, because remember, I laid myself bare when I posted and I didn't take your post that way. I'll even answer the questions.....
Is he worth the heartache and the time that you invest in thinking about him? NO! Is he worth the feelings you are experiencing over his treatment of you? No! Did he think of you when he had the affair while you were with child? No! Did he consider the impact it would have on you and your baby? No! Did he actually think of you in all of this? No!
As a woman, I'm sure you understand when I say, that what our mind knows and what our heart feels are sometimes two entirely different things and causes conflict within ourselves. Unfortunately, the emotions seem to be harder to handle sometimes.
I know that he would have walked away. His father moved to another state when he was a child and they didn't have a relationship until he was 16 (Not saying that's the reason!!).He always told me he'd never do that to his child. Yet he did tell me the other day that he's going to another state to check on a job, so he's repeating his father's actions.
I did have to be treated for depression when he and I first separated. I was on anti-depressants, and anti-anxiety medications for a while. Have since found out the anxiety wasn't mental after all and was a heart arrythmia caused by high blood pressure. Now, I'm completely off the high blood pressure medicine since starting my diet. Emotionally, my heart isn't healed, although I thought it was. I think I'll be alright. However, if I'm still depressed in a couple of weeks, I will go see my doctor for it.
I don't really know how to explain this next part. I know that the statement of being less than a woman isn't true - in my mind. It's my heart that doesn't accept it. I had complications with my daughter 15 years ago, Toxemia, Preclampsia, Hypertension, and my heart arrythmia. My blood pressure gets too high when I'm pregnant and the baby's heart can't handle it, is the way it was explained to me.
I do still care deeply for him, and I probably always will. Not in such a way that I would want to get back into a relationship with him, but he holds a special place in my heart because he was my best friend for 4 years.
As far as contact with him, that will be up to him. He asked for a picture and for me to write him. I couldn't write him, so I just sent a thinking of you card, like you would send a friend wishing them happiness and the photo. If he continues contact, I will just take it day by day and see what happens. I won't waste the energy to go out of my way and let him know how deeply this hurts me, because I don't want him to know he has that much power. However, if he brings the subject up, I will let him know at that time how I feel about it.
The main thing giving me peace right now is the fact that I live 800 miles away from him, so I won't be looking at every little girl and wondering if it's his. And not having to worry about running into him somewhere and her in the car.
I'm finding happiness within myself every day, and I will mend and be whole again one day. Not feeling completely mended right now, is the reason I am so adamant about not wanting a serious relationship right now, because I know I have to be complete first.
Thank you for taking the time to post your thoughts on this. It's amazing how much better words can make you feel.
Yes he is. I cried so hard at work last night that I lost a contact. I'm friends with my supervisor, and she understood completely and let me just sit in an office and cry until I got it out of my system. Actually I went in there every time it would hit me.
I know that I'll be okay, and eventually this won't hurt as bad. It's just a very fresh ache right now, and it brought back all the emotions and hurt that I felt three years ago when he cheated.
Thank you cantbetamed, your post did make me feel better because you're right. Sometimes it's just so hard to look at things that way when you truly love someone and your hurting - you have to be told.
He asked me to write him and send an updated picture, but I couldn't write him a letter. I mailed a card instead and enclosed the pic from my profile (which was just taken last week).
If I ever hear from him again, and I believe that I will, then I'll let him know how I feel. I didn't say that to sound conceited, it's just that I know him, and you are so right about him feeling guilty and he'll probably try to continue contact hoping I'll tell him that I forgive him. He'll be waiting until hell freezes over now. I had actually forgiven him for the bad ending to the relationship, but this I can never forgive him for.
Does he expect me to be overjoyed that he now has a little girl?
Does he want me to be happy that she gave him the one thing I never could?
Does he not realize that I tried and it wasn't my fault?
Does he not remember the first miscarriage I had when we sat in the truck and cried together for over an hour?
Does he think I forgot him saying that he wanted a child desperately and asking me "hypothetically", if I could or would accept a child he had one by someone else?
Did he forget that I said I wouldn't be able to accept that because it would hurt too much and I would feel disrespected?
Did he not understand how painful it was when he cheated and they both knew I was pregnant?
Does he even know or care that I miscarried that one too?
Did he think I had forgotten all these things?
Did he forget them?
Did he intentionally cheat on me and have a baby by her thinking that later in life he could come back to me?
Is that why he still asks people where I am and how to get in touch with me?
Why does this hurt so bad and make me feel like less of a woman?
You know you can go to walgreens and have photo cards made now....I should have one with my picture on the front and use some of these to send to a few people I've dated in the past LOL
Didn't bother me, because you made a very valid point. Many times you can figure out what someone is trying to say, so it's not a big deal. The only time it bother me, is when I do it in handwritten letter and have to rewrite it lol.
ShortyRed Forum Posts (624)
I'll even answer the questions.....
!!!!!
RE: DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH????????
Yep, I just haven't pounced yet...still practicing!!