Elley Forum Posts (2,808)

How to get a girl...

Hey pops, enjoy him.Gonna get my boy tomorrow, wahaayyyy

Perfume

Ok, I,ll tell em not to bother then cause you somewhere else

How to get a girl...

That,s better, save the dirty stuff til we meet. Seriously, do I have to go to Madrid or Barca or what ?

How to get a girl...

ok,so lets all meet on the other side of nowhere

Perfume

No Marti, I was talking about big ol, mama mountain wots seventy years and stone. You are just.....hmmmmm, how can I put this.......cuddly.

How to get a girl...

Speaking of which, how exactly does one get to Malta, you know, from where to where, see my local airport seems to specialise in going to nowhere.

How to get a girl...

Be careful, I,ve got a very big rod and a very long line wottl go all the way to Malta.

Perfume

Oh,so now I,m a bloody vampire am I ? Ok you little Radders you,how close are you to that big tube wots gonna blow soon (the really big one is in October I believe)

RE: EU Forum - New Years Eve Party

crap Sacre Cour (spelling) Place Pigalle, Place d,italy...you are kidding P

How to get a girl...

You look like a good catch here fishy fishy......

Perfume

Ok, all I wanna know is why older,fatter ladies (nobody here then ) always seem to lash bucket loads of toilet water or whatever it is.

There are quite a few older fatter ladies in my block and it is almost impossible to get in the lift with them, it is so over powering it makes me nauseous.

It is usually that sickly sweet one which is just so so yukky. Is it perhaps to ward me off

How to get a girl...

..............................pooped if I know. Ideas please.

RE: EU Forum - New Years Eve Party

The stars

RE: Good morning Europe

It,s ALWAYS winter in England ever since the so called Socialists ( just the sixties Conservative Party re-incarnated) took power back in the whatever...yonks ago.

9.00 am business meeting with client, followed by an hour in a bottle factory (amazing seeing liquid glass shooting out the melting vat into bottle making machines----learnt that the interior of the vat is lined with silicon,which happens to have the same melting point as sand,1,700 degrees,so as not to ruin the insides of the vat they add carbon to reduce the melting point of the sand to 1,200 degrees,so add that to your Head on Colider and smoke it......wow,going a little whoopy again.... )

Spent the rest of the afternoon on the beach and surfing now opff to do some guitar practice with a mate. Life is good.

Strange...

RE: WHAT FIVE THINGS COULD YOU NOT LIVE WITHOUT?

Actually his name was Raul Wan Tan Gomez, I kid you not.

Five things you could not live WITH

1.Ex wife
2.Ex wife
3.A frog in my sleeping bag
4.Two frogs in my sleeping bag
5. Two ex wives AND two frogs in my sleeping bag.

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Hey Gongman, thanks and a bloody big hug for you an your lovely lady Flor.

RE: What book are you currently reading or have just finished...

With a voice like that he didn need to move a bloody muscle,seven octaves was his range,wattaguy.Luv him.

ID Cards

seeya

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GooGooajoob I am the eggman

RE: What book are you currently reading or have just finished...

Just re reading " I was Roy Orbison,s choreographer" by N. Ever Moveamuscle, which is a great read as it,s only one blank page.

ID Cards

Many years ago as a freelance writer (of quite some repute,ahem)I was given the job of writing a brochure for a motorshow. I decided to write a series of articles on road safety. Now one of the great things about that career was I had a lot of latitude to do pretty much what I liked. So, having decided on the theme I got in touch with regional police for help. It was great cause I got to spend a day on a police training skidpan as well as a day on the motorway with a motorway bobby. One of my most abiding memories is of sitting in a Range Rover with flashing blue lights and hearing the driver next to me say (with reference to a chocabloc road ahead) " Wanna see me move this lot to one side "? We did well in excess of a ton in the outside lane an you aint never seen cars ahead get out of your way so bloody quick. Whatever, one day I went to see a chief inspector at a big headquarters. I stopped at the security barrier and told the policeman on duty who I had come to see. He looked at me and said
" Do you know who you are"?

I said " yes of course I do" and gave my name. He then went bright red and said " Sorry, I meant, does he know who you are?"

RE: Doomsday Chronicles....

yes indeed, a very big black hole

Fair play to you Smokes, was a bit close to the bone astwer. As for this being a dating sight I,m sure left to your good taste and eminent judgement of character you will indeed find me miss right. Long as her first name isn,t Always.

Strange...

Hey Kidda, that,s one of the most bang on human insights ever, no really. It is THE only real justification for doing anything you know you shouldn,t.

About this time of night ladies and gentlemen I don,t know about you, but I like do like to move a petrie dish around a little, in or out of an autoclave which clearly says " Do not move".

RE: Do you live in/around/under Switzerland?

This sounds like my second missus she gobbles everything, maybe the Swiss can use her

Strange...

Oh don,t listen to me Radders, I,m a technophobe in reality,I should know better than to get technical with our resident Professor Kinetic.

Strange...

Think it,s slightly less than 186,000 mps, whatever, it,s actually slower than me through a greased wormhole in me rubbers.

RE: Doomsday Chronicles....

I,m off, you,re not supposed to be funnier than me,sod.