I have to disagree with this one… of course we cannot change what people would say after our dead, we seldom can do that when we are alive, but no one can evaluate our lives, only we ourselves. Sure we all would like to be happy, and what happiness is – that varies so much from person to person that every endeavour to force some one’s idea of happiness into our standards will just be a “testimonium paupertatis”.
I’ve also got an Uncle, he drunk awfully until he’s been 55. Then he quit. Few years after that he found a woman (he’s had few relationships before, but no one would want to settle down with an alcoholic). Some time ago he wrote me that he’s happy now, and that what he had when he drunk, it wasn’t a life. There was no regret nor bitterness in his words, he just mentioned it as a fact. I think that it’s only he who has a right to evaluate some parts of his life, no one else, as it’s only he knows what he’s talking about.
Well… looks like that I failed to make me understood, I’m sorry. It wasn’t about a way to die I wanted to talk to. Though I myself would rather to die painless and quickly, preferably few seconds before my alarm-clock starts to howl.
What disturbed me so much wasn’t the fact that some person died, people die in one or another way – you can’t do anything to that. And I’m completely fine in accepting my own mortality.
What disturbed me so much was the quick judgment of what was a life and what wasn’t. It felt just wrong, that’s all… Don’t know what exactly, but something felt wrong…
And one more thing felt wrong, but not that much – the fact that I kept my mouth shut. The sore reduced 1 mm during the last 4 days, 17 mm to go, so I can’t afford to make me difficult to deal with… Am I learning diplomacy? That’s very wrong…
I have to go to the hospital twice a week, today I was there, my “room” with four beds stood empty. Last Thursday there was a woman, not that old by Swedish standards, few severe diseases, I don’t know all of them, could only guess some. But she couldn’t walk on her own, couldn’t eat, and last time I saw her she couldn’t even speak – sores in the mouth wouldn’t allow her.
So today she wasn’t there, and I asked a nurse what happened to that woman. The nurse answered that she passed away, and added: “That’s better, it wasn’t a life…”
The sentence was eating me the whole day… when a life starts and when it ends… What is a life and what is not?
I agree with that. We cannot be alone, we need other people in our lives. As some writer defined a family: “Leave me in peace, but don’t leave me alone…”
Though the thread isn’t about being completely alone, it’s about a choice to live without a spouse.
I respect people’s choice, whatever it is, but I myself would prefer to have a spouse. Sure there is a lot of risk in a commitment – when it doesn’t work it just a misery, and the emptiness after expired feelings may be unbearable. But when it works, then it brings harmony in your life. And I’d like to experience my life as harmonic once again…
I’ve experienced the opposite “revelation” – for about a year ago I’ve understood that I don’t want to live alone. I’m not afraid of being alone. I don’t feel me incomplete of being on my own. I always have a lot of stuff to fill my day with. And still, I’d like to find, not sure about romantic, but a committed relationship that has chance to last. Anyway I feel me prepared and being able to maintain such relationship.
……..
“Let's form the "Un-Club"....unloveable, unbonkable, unmanageable, and unemployable...”
I’m unempoyable, and it’s not that funny. But I’m unmanageable as well – that compensates the rest of “un”s
I have always regarded me as very independent… When I’ve divorced and could at least leave my ex-husband’s house… it was such a relief to get a life on my own… But after some time I understood that I didn’t want to be alone, as simple as that. I understood that I wanted to be with someone I like. And I don’t think that a certain way to treat (or to be) is the matter here. The matter here is acceptance, chemistry (apology for a cliché), compatibility. When you like (leave alone love) the man, every way he treats you is fine for you. When you don’t like him – whatever he does will be wrong.
So many male profiles state “I know how to treat a woman”. I’ve asked few times what they meant with that, have yet to get an answer.
I’m afraid I’d deviate from the subject here (as usual), but once I’ve seen how a young couple went off a bus. The man went off first, turned and offered his hand to his girl. After her there was an elder woman, and when the girl was off the bus, the man offered his hand to that woman as well. She was delighted, and it made a very positive impression on his girl as well.
I think, in general terms you treat women, and men, according to what you are. You can’t adjust that to one and each person. To do that you would have to change your personality every time you meet someone new.
“How should men treat women”? I can’t answer for all women, but… to see other people’s needs and to offer right amount of help in right time… I consider that as a good treatment.
Few times have tried to answer your question… and failed.
Are EU women united into an organism with a universal body, mind, preferences?
“Is it better…” than what? Better than being single? Better than a marriage to a man from her country? Better than shopping? Better than vanilla ice-cream?
I think if you’d reformulate the topic, you’d’ve got a discussion here.
Don’t know about Holland, but have some experience of Sweden.
Have lived in the country side here for 9 years, haven’t managed to make any friends during that time. Had no paid job then and was married… Can that be the reason?
Have lived on my own for a year in a small town, made a friend at once – a Russian woman slightly younger than I. But originally I’m from Russia myself… Can that be the reason?
Divorced and got a paid job – a lot of people that before haven’t had time to phone or write, suddenly started to bother themselves with personal visits…
Moved to a larger town, have lived for 7 months in a “poor” hood, it took 2 months before the neighbours started to respond to my “Hej”, made no friends.
A couple of weeks ago moved to a “finer” hood – the next day the new neighbours came to me and said “Hello” and talked for a while…
My general impression: the higher on social ladder you are here (altitude is measured in money), the more “suitable” for friendship you become.
Have never thought about getting a tattoo, don’t see any point in it.
I’ve had question “Why do people do it?” But there’re already few answers: ex. Commemorating someone or something. I wouldn’t use a tattoo for that myself, but I understand people who would.
Well… I don’t know any other way to get money but to have a paid job. When you don’t have a paid job, you still have a lot of job to do, but you are dependent on everyone’s good will, and good will in this world is a very rare phenomenon. More than that, even the persons you are dependent upon are nice to you, you still are not free – beggars cannot be choosers, and possibility to make my choices is freedom for me. Hence, a paid job that gives me money is my freedom. And I don’t have that much cash that administering of its flow would create any problem for me.
As to the phrase that made that unpleasant impact… it’s not only skinheads, it’s all around here everywhere I’m afraid… If you have no job, you are nobody. I know that of my own experience, believe it or not.
Tulefel Forum Posts (2,848)
like you, Mr Lagoona, wouldn’t be allowed to show themselves in speedo on a public beach!
It isn’t a life
Such an impossible darling