thats a great idea liad lets set up a blog together to inform all the rapists coming in here they may catch something from all their offensive philandering among us
'faithful' is a redundant word in this thread let the beliefs go. the fun is yours to have instead. 3, 10, the whole football club harem... it is what they are there for, isn't it??
REALLY so there is still hope for us!? as we age and die victorian era religious indoctrination across our culture is dying with them thank 'goodness'.
its a supposedly lofty expectation, a promise offered amid that flowery loving 'rush' of new relationships. but life forces more at us, doesn't it? vows are always made in ignorance of what is to come. this means their validity and value is always in question... isn't it??
one of my core beliefs underlying all i say in here is based squarely upon KNOWING LIFE IS A DREAM! because it is so miracles can happen and anything at all can change in a moment.
our minds force us toward meeting needs partners refuse to meet 'anyway'. got nothing to do with vows respect or expectations or lies or betrayal of trust, only finding needed necessary emotional gratification still unmet.
yes some of us can do it perfectly as a couple but it is not biologically necessarily that way. it seems religiously or culturally necessary but that is about beliefs not true biological needs, isn't it so ccincy...?
yes we need to feel aspects of grief in turn 'steps that must be experienced to let it go' to expose the individual damaged beliefs BUT there is great potential for us toward learning how to rapidly exchange those damaged beliefs with improved upgrades.
so, we don't need to suffer grief as some form of extended essential cleansing torment 'that must run its course'. 'that is a bad belief to have'. change it now to 'ALL damaged beliefs can be changed in a moment' because they can.
this is not much different from finding a line of damaged computer code pulling it out and correcting it. brains and computers are ideally comparable here. changing a relevant belief can take a moment only eventually although you may suffer its 'bipolar' symptoms for decades.
i have counseled numerous people permanently away from long term grief generating issues in moments. its usually about as easy as taking money out of one pocket and putting it in another.
i gave myself 24hrs to deal with the sudden shock knowledge my parents had died. i had 3 or 4 minor momentary passing hiccups later only. we just need to adjust our understandings on death and the real process of it to get past most of that torment.
i dealt less well with being told my siblings had taken my inheritance and lied about my share. i lost quarter of a million or more bucks then. 'practice what i preach' works though. dealing with loss of my siblings too over was the last step.
here's a very simple exercise for you to repeat: as you are hurting, ask 'what is the belief i most need to change to get rid of this hurt? its theme will be immediately with you. then ask yourself what you have to change it to and why it is ok or better.
some issues will evaporate immediately then. others will require you step forward through repeats of the process as you later hurt. they pain will be similar but the issues change in turn as your mind pushes you to confront them for repair in turn.
not necessarily an immediately ideal process as some guidance would be initially useful but it is what i would do with you to get the core issues next in emails for instance.
true... are there clapping hands for that one?? i put in this effort to find gems like that in my responses. forever online is fairyland as real as a dream in passing but tomorrow comes and our lives are about real people 'out there'. dunno how much of in here i will want this time around but thanks for coming to my party here.
how about: grief is a confrontation with powerlessness and its apparitions of life springing out of disguised beliefs that have suddenly become limiting or been outraged.
as you said: the key to move past these inner damage points is to connect the individual beliefs with new less limiting choices about those things. ie let go the limitation or outmoded desire and adopt the new stance needed. release from desires damaged does end grief next. yes the definition of life matches mine too.
was about offering me a way of finding empowerment ahead of the event and it worked. the issues re-solved so it was ok. they are pretty final words. no coming back from them. no need to feel guilty or mark your respect with obligation. just get on with desirable change and go with the flow until you have it.
is that what happened to me?? i was monogamous until she ran off with a man i bought a business off. he ditched her the day after she left so she was right back with me... monogamous and crushed nearly as much as she was.
then came 'the right ingredients' i switched to an open double relationship overlapping 5 years. the 3 of us were friends and i generally spent half my week with each or we all hung out together.
next partner was monogamous a year and tore my heart out piece by piece. we separated in 1996 the best of friends. been under my stone since.
i'm 'not a monogamous species' it limits our potentials too much. but alone here across years now, i'm not much else either...
yes of course miranda and thanks. 'but''but''but'... fact is: fractured faith occurred here greater than my interest to progress any of it and it just leaves a hole in front of me with no footholds past it anywhere. 40 years are wasted. to do the things i have it has taken me into alien ground indeed.
sure why not?? i keep them as friendships but we drift further apart. i still trust one of my ex-partners with substantial money transactions regularly. we have been apart over 20yrs as friends.
god talked with me in a genuine death encounter and i didn't glow during or afterwards. that reality i peered so timidly into did though. so, maybe he did, maybe he didn't? we talked for several minutes before i ran out of questions and was returned here.
i was initially asked a single question and it shocked me profoundly. it was simply "what do you want to do with the rest of your life?"
"LIVE IT" seemed pretty relevant in that moment.
i also tried experimentally to write a book of better tenets than 'the ten commandments'. ended up with two credible books on it actually. first was 'LifeGuide...'. it began with the question: "could i write a better book than the ten commandments".
the second was: "the new commandments of the gods we really are." they weren't that bad but they sit ignored and rot in my spare room unpublished. this second book began as an exploration topic on the nature of time.
don't worry about your newness. we all were new before. be positive about the consternation it causes. yeah many seem to come just for the battle and it is the best they are capable of then. but only compassion works toward bonds worth sharing here or in the real world. the thread is really about some self examination for those willing to see what they project with their best of intention anyway.
as you know some come only to piss on the next tree but there are good people overlooked in here too. i'm really just looking to see who they are this visit around after years away. maybe find a needed friend or two...
actually i cheated a bit with this thread. i actually posted it about 5yrs ago initially but the topic intrigued me and i felt it is a worthy topic for further exploration seeing we are so culturally schizophrenic about it all with religion in one hand as 'god's expectation of us' and the truth that follows in the other hand.
everybody wants a partner for life. it protects the kids born of it for awhile then things seem to go in new directions anyway for most of us, doesn't it?
so, if that is the biological norm then shouldn't that match earlier and later expectations instead of the gut wrenching messes so many of us seem to end up suffering and broken over?
as they socialized on along side of me, he took pity on me after about 3hrs and they gave me permission to stop but i was resolute. i wanted that answer. this was too big to put off. he poured me a glass of scotch but i asked him to leave it on the outer edge of 'the fragments of my life' all spread around me there as a reward when i got it right...
steadily i slowly cleared a narrow path through that life debris pile toward it, picking up a scrap at a time across 2 meters of carpet... i was 'examining the pieces of my suddenly wrecked life' in their turn.
12hrs into it they suggested we quit for the day. abruptly 1 drank my scotch and went and listened to Antarctica by vangelis on his great new sound system with them, a speaker each side of us for the next hour or so.
but, i didn't get that final clear freeing answer until next morning in the shower and bounced out to tell her about it. it was simple enough. steadily all the needed pennies had dropped and i just realized with empowerment now that 'if i loved her i would leave her' next and life would open a new door for me then. i was ok just because it was what she wanted next - exactly as was asked of me.
there was never another moment of grieving over it. it was agreed i was supposed to just pack my bag as that next door opened and head for the sunset. but, then our roleplay all turned upside down. she had to do the marching next not me. i was already gone but she rang our government housing owner and said i was leaving. they responded that the lease was in my name and not transferable. by her own choices suddenly she had to go pack a bag or two not me!
suddenly i was living with a new partner i met that same week, literally a week later in the same home - and ex and i we remained good friends from then for years.
the other later 2 stories were a bit different and FAR less comfortable tearing at my heart for years. the grief prolonged and compounded with them because i was not prepared to accept those events and deal with them positively as i had previously done already.
so, there we have it how to deal with profound grief and how not to deal with it, and the opposing consequences there too. so, do you now have a tale to share with us all too maybe?
Boy i thought everybody knew something about grief?? i certainly had the opportunities to explore it extensively.
never been hurt...??
not still hurting over anything...???
don't need to explore life improving options away from unresolved nagging inner horrors still...?
'it's ok you are safe in here'. 'you can tell us'... 'can't you??'
'disclosure - expression of secrets that hurt is the first major step toward correction away from unresolved grief'... maybe...
want to be free of it finally...? its ok just drop it all here and block anybody who sticks pins in you over it.
want me to go first? ok... why is the water so COLD in here suddenly??
my last 3 relationships were 11yrs, 3yrs, 1yr. that 11yr relationship ended abruptly in about 18 hours at her request. initially i was profoundly shocked. we were deeply into personal growth exploration and with friends. i was in the hot seat. we were exploring life events as roleplays, as deliberate manipulations of our lives dumped on us in turn by our souls. this was to be our next example of their truth and wisdom for us.
i had to agree blindly in advance to do whatever was thrown at me next and trust they were my friends and would not lead me into difficulties. next she turned to me with my challenge: "if you love me you will leave me." yeahhhh... RIGHT! i sat in the middle of the floor for 9hrs looking for the ideal resolving solution that would allow me to comfortably say "if i loved her i would leave her".
early i became very ANGRY. i asked the man present to slap me. he bloody near broke my jaw next and up it came... i asked if they had a pillow i could destroy. i shredded that bloody thing in a second and foam rubber fragments exploded all around me and i just sat in the middle of it all, and went deeper into my roleplay now..... i sat and i sat and i sat.
got too many words so i will break it here... snip
Understanding that at its core in your mind, grief and confrontation with its apparitions is essential positive self cleansing in action can change your future next if you are hurting now.
does not your need for honesty spring forth from your deepest biological needs... saoirse10??? honesty empowered compassion and open attention to your own needs now and later is a true meaning of integrity, isn't it?? got nothing to do with who is laying trust expectations on you at all.
'i trust you to not hurt me' - we choose to hurt ourselves over sour constricting inept beliefs socially religiously and religiously imposed about relating intimately - don't we???
okey... but, most of those pains can be permanently re-solved in moments. ask the right question to get the right answer. there is hidden magic in our minds for the asking.
again, the opportunity is there if you need it but i probably won't be around long. site emails will reach me later but i won't bother unless there are any.
this is not an empty offer i see more than some your fragility can be repaired next. but of course, your pain is yours to do with what you will... isn't it berry?
giftmagic Forum Posts (690)
We are not a monogamous species.
thats a great idea liad lets set up a blog together to inform all the rapists coming in here they may catch something from all their offensive philandering among us