ricstar Poetry (13)

Life left in ruins... A shadowy past...
Once proud and strong but not to last...
Look back with sorrow at What used to be...
Wake up more hollow, So empty... Less me...
Thoughts that i have pollute through my soul...
Destroy all potential and my self control...
My bitterness blossoms from venomous seeds...
Nourishing sadness my hatred it feeds...
I curse those who used me and spat in my face...
You hurt me and dropped me in this lonely place...
Not sheltered or kept my state is my own...
This harvest i reap is What i have sown...
Whats left i lay down my Will in reserve...
The Day comes dawning and all i deserve...
I'm battered and bruised with my fight for life...
Emotionally broken and beaten with strife...
This mirror i look through reflects none of me...
It once Told of ego and futures of WE...
This place Where i fell enslaved all I'd BE...
THE TRUTH THAT HAS RISEN HAS SET MY PAIN FREE.

*Where do you go when i hold you near....
*Each time we together my heart sheds a tear....
*Its clear that I've lost you and yet you pretend....
*To still be by partner my lover my friend.

*The truth has reflections it shows in your eyes....
*It mirrors your doubt... Betrayal and lies....
*Knowing i Love you still lead you astray...
*More distant i find us... More lost everyday....

*I still remember the moment i saw you....
*No longer a dream the day we came true...
*I was yours to have and you were once mine....
*I Will always LOVE you in and out of time.

I look at life from both sides now ...
And still I'm eluded by you somehow....
I picture your smile and the laughs we shared.....
The devotion i Gave when you never cared...

I look at life from both sides now....
The times that i held you and still somehow...
I struggle with doubt if our bond was real ....
The lust and passion and How i would feel...

I look a life from both sides now...
I believed that you loved me and still somehow....
This hole in my heart is hard to repair ....
Most days i feel empty cause you not there....

Born to life. Killed by Love. Raised by vengeance.

Born to life and all it brought...
Lessons learnt or so i thought...
Knowing that balance would be key to prevale....
As dark births light and starts the scale...
So beauty has time and ugly lies bread truth...
But life has cruel humour when wasted on youth.
Killed by Love and punished with loss...
We gamble our pleasures a fickle coin toss...
Defined by Its promise with passion and glory...
You answer to fate as it planned your story...
It could raise an empire or bring down Its walls...
We sell out for promise and every fool falls.
Raised by vengeance a truth is revealed...
Emotion and coffins in death Are both sealed...
Love lifted us all we fell to our knees....
A promise to marry but most beg and plead...
Dont leave me this way with pain as my sentence...
My death from my life my Love spawned my vengeance...

Today i woke up and loaded my gun...
Each chamber i filled intended for one....
The rounds that i chose are branded by you....
Those moments of hatred that you put me through...
The way you left me i drop like this lead...
My holster is empty the same like our bed...
I point my intent to the pair that i blame...
A smile hides my heart as i then take aim....
You triggered this man to act this way....
Now reap your choices that lead till today.

The purpose i seek has lead me to this...
From sadness and joy to suffering and bliss....
My thoughts always poisoned before they conceived....
My actions rewarded the State i received....
Always and truly results never fail....
What started out fresh So suddenly stale...
Intentions though good, firm and true....
The path were i ended was far from YOU....
For years i wondered through loss and lies...
My tears flowed plenty from heart through eyes...
Till now i realise my illusions So true....
The purpose i live for OH GOD is.. YOU.

silent times i stray in thought ...
of all the moments my life's brought ...
most of these thoughts reflect on you..
The love we had when Just us two...

I carry on damaged through most normal days...
Your echo's still haunt me in feverish ways....
Escaping your memory is hard from within....
I stubble and fall each time i begin....

I have to break free from these emotional ties ...
Have to find closure from your treacherous lies...
I hate that you still have power inside me....
How can i fight you when i'm my own enermy...

This pain in my heart is constant and clear....
Intruding inside me and feeding my fear...
This poison you gave me with passionate deceat...
has stopped me from living i Die at your feet.

By
RIC

I'm drowning in sadness and clutching to my soul...
In waves of emotions I've lost all control..
To manage my feelings without my demise....
I'm haunted by visions of How my spark dies...

This sorrow i feel gives life to regret...
These tears that you took i cannot forget....
Hollow and empty with nothing inside me....
I'm far from the man i set out to be....

Today I'm still stuck in this morbid State...
I have to move forward and free from this fate....
Thus every fibre of my once reasonable mind...
Reflex a grim future while trapped in this bind...

I wipe my tears to catch my breath....
Each one that fills me denies me from death....
I reached the shores of my willful reason....
Plagued No more by loves fruitless season.

In life we designed to align and pair...
We know that our partner is somewhere out there....
You feel that the space reserved in our soul...
Belongs to one that makes your heart whole...
We know deep within that you incomplete...
An absent awareness Thats bound to repeat...
Till the day when all you know to be true...
Comes presented by destiny as a soul mate for you....
Its then that you understand Whats echoed in you...
We live as one but only can we love when two...
At that instant the search is complete ....
Without a step to discover Its laid at your feet...
Not force or act that man could have inspired...
Can brake the promise born in you as god has desired...

I crawled for you till black and blue....
And Lost my way from life to you....

I lied So true from me for you....
All that i had we squandered for two....

I fooled myself that my lust was real....
Passionate poison was all i would feel....

I looked at you with blissful eyes...
Tricked by your Form, that deadly disguise....

I carry on living although ripped apart....
Tempered and plagued by my haunted heart....

I once loved a girl with honour and trust...
She killed me inside, her methods unjust...

I wake up each day less numb than before....
Stronger this way but a fool never more.

Into you a life i sort...
A gift of love or So i thought....
Into you my bond was true....
My heart and soul i pledged to you...
Into you my care was real...
But passion to pain is all I'd feel....
Into you i conquered all....
You stood aside to watch me fall...
Into you grew part of me...
We started as two and ended on three...
Into you i needed No more...
Then from me our heart you tore....
Into you i felt So inspired...
Now without you So angry and tiered...
Into you i found a soul mate...
Now karma reminds me that she plans your FATE.

I envy the life that once defined me...
My family and friends the time i was free....
The choices i made had lead me that way...
By things i had done and What i would say....

Most of my actions were honoured and true...
Praises were plenty, my regrets were few....
Nothing could stop me or stand in my way...
Life held more meaning in each promised day...

These thoughts that taunt me on you i wish not....
Somewhere in my journey somehow i forgot...
The values that taught me the right from wrong...
My morals unwavering by What came along....

But life must have balance and not Just one way...
Like night has Its purpose but gives way to day...
Accepting the change and wanting to grow....
Its not How you've failed but use What you KNOW...