chrisgj001 Poetry (7)

The tainted troubles of a disturbed youth
The trail he trudges is so uncouth
Anxious to finish his boundless battle
While the world around him will shake and rattle

Revealing what has been buried below
The earthquake rumbles to show the show
Desperate to conceal the demons so deep
He struggles to find what he cannot keep

To hold to the things of his deepest dreams
To try to shadow his shrill screams
Muffled before they leave his lips
How common it is as he studies his scripts

Knowing the reckoning will be revealed
All the while he searches for a shield
A barrier to defend him from his own devil
So that he may be able to recoil and revel

But as the ground caves in and he’s buried below
He finds himself planted in a plateau
Unable to change yet longing to leave
He cannot complete what he’s attempted to achieve

So he lies down below with no stop in sight
As he debates with himself whether to forfeit or fight
To take the on his demons face to face
Seeing his faults and finally to embrace

All the things that he could change if he simply strived
It could be as if he was restored and revived
But can he embrace his own mistakes and meet
His other side to make him complete

Sitting in the shadows of your world
without a glimmer of me in your eye
while the darkness i see all around me
makes me wonder why

while staying alone in this black hole
i try to find my way
through the abyss and into your life
and be there to forever stay

traveling through the lightless labyrinth
that i feel down in my soul
not knowing the reasons of this emptiness
and why i have to pay this toll

why am i in the shadows of your life
alone in this hellish night
trying desperately to exit the depths
and get back into your sight

wandering in the catacombs of sorrow
that lay inside of me
wondering when i could ever leave
and the hurt would never be

looking for a way out of this emptiness
and come back from hades domain
to encounter my Aphrodite
and to stop all of my pain

until i exit this forest of darkness
ill keep searching till my end
till my total hell turns to heaven
where i know you will ascend

Are you relieved
or do you feel pain
from whats happened
what was there to gain

all my life
I've been looking for you
someone smart, sweet, and beautiful
that i could talk to

this enduring pain
of the torment in my heart
makes me wonder why you said yes in the start

but I'm glad
that you gave me a chance
instead of looking past
without even a glance

i wish
that it wouldn't reach an end
but i will always see you as
more than just a friend

i hope you can see me
as you did when you said yes
because right now my heart is low
and cannot plummet any less

It started as a game
Between two who were in love
Not thinking of the consequences
Or what it would conceive of

Thinking in the moment
Not looking at what’s right ahead
Not thinking of the nearby sin
Of which they both will dread

Playing the game of love
Thinking nothing could go wrong
When it was the options of a life or a sin
The lovers had to be strong

They had to decide whose life they wanted
The baby’s or their own
For if the baby came into the world
They would have struggled and this was known

On the other hand if they chose to kill
The child that was soon to come
They would have suffered an immortal sin
Now to a decision they must succumb

The game of love that the lovers played
Should have been ended from the start
So much trouble from the lovers’ game
With so much pain on the heart

Like a bullet shot from a sniper rifle
I get upset over the smallest trifle
I explode when you’re finally in my sight
Because us apart does not feel right

I grip the trigger of my existence
Trying to close the gap of our distance
Because as I do that a part of me flies
Into your sight and before you eyes

Some things I say that I do not mean
But the pain I’ve caused is not unseen
It kills me to know that I can make you cry
While I pierce your heart, it makes me die

To see how rotten I have finally become
To hurt you so bad and act like I’m numb
Numb to your emotions and numb to your pain
And now all of your joy I seem to drain

Feeding on people like Hannibal Lector
When all the while I want to be your protector
To be the person you come to each night
Eliminate all darkness and show you only light

Instead I have become your disease
Eating away with the simplest ease
At everything good that we once shared
I only do this because I am scared

I fear for the loss of someone I love
Someone for some reason, I only write of
Be it good be it bad my feelings never change
But anger and sadness are the usual exchange

These things inside tell me what’s true
And if things change in time, I will always pursue
To find us together as we were before
For you will always be, the on that I adore

How hard it is to think of the person you cherish
No longer be in your life, apart of you would perish
Because everything in you says she’s the one
And all the mistakes you’ve made can’t be undone

You brought life into my dreary world
You brought love in as the consciousness twirled
A brand new feeling of someone that cared
But many more memories that I wish we could have shared

It’s sickening to the stomach of any person
And it only makes the situation worsen
I just wish you could look into my heart
To see that you are where it starts

With every turn I see your face
I gouge out my eyes just to erase
The sight of you from within my mind
For how can I see you if I am blind

You broke me in pieces too small to see
And with the wind blows my debris
To never be pieced all in one
For what you did cannot be undone

As with a boulder that’s to fade and erode
Or with the fireworks that fly and explode
Both become lost and forgotten in time
But at the moment, they seemed so sublime

There lies a hole every here and there
But with this hole no chance to repair
Once its dug it can’t be refilled
No matter how hard we try to rebuild

As with the salt that we grind so fine
There only seems to be a glimmer of a sign
That anything was even there to start
So is my case of my broken heart.

I gouge out my eye so you can see
Hoping to keep it a guarantee
I sever my arm so you can feel
But what would all of this reveal

If I sacrificed myself for you
When you kept secrets I would not pursue
Would you ever do the same for me?
Would you help my soul to be free?

Torrential sorrow is all that there seems
But deep down I grip to all of my dreams
Of something beautiful that will forever last
With love in our hearts that is so vast

Covering us like a winter’s day
Where nothing but clouds will be there to stay
To forever hold to something sweet
Where you finish me and I make you complete

The missing piece of a puzzle long lost
How much to pay and what would be the cost
Would it be worth it to see such bliss
Or would you rather fall to a loveless abyss

Such a question, yet such a pain
But know now I do this for only your gain
I’ll sever my arm and gouge out my eye
But will you only ever wonder why?