cuddly38 Poetry (11)

Fear of the dark
Takes hold of me now
Afraid of the unknown-
Scared not to see
I cry out to God...See me!
Help me! I don't want the dark to come in
This one took me by surprise
I didn't know to be afraid...
Didn't know the Dark could come
Did not see it could happen
I was sure it would be-
My legs, or my hands
But NOT my eyes!
Oh God in heaven heal me
God above hear me
I need my eyes
Watch over me, heal my brain
So I can work, can do, think,
Care for my children
And love my family, my friends
The ones I love...
Please God don't leave me
in the dark
Amen

The shock lit me up
A bolt of surprise!
That smirk on his face and those beautiful eyes…
His strength-a tower from his head to his feet
I felt immediately my heart skip a beat
With long fingers, long legs-I was taken aback
By the rush of desire
How it pushed me off track
He had a confident presence
His demeanor was smooth
Making me a slightly unsteady
And come a little unglued…
We conversed and connected
And I sensed right away
The initial attraction we could both feel
But not say
My first encounter with this man
Rolled me up very tight
A sweet jolt of emotion
And a sensual delight
Nervous lick of my lips, flipped my hair
Of which he made mention
So I forced all my senses
To control my attention
The night wore on
Our time together was sweet
And felt it for certain
Another time we would meet
Anticipation was so good
What was coming to pass
When we both said good night
And he kissed me at last!
Looking deep in his blue eyes
That same smile on his face
I saw something catch me
And my tight nerves replace
The feeling of tenseness gone!
When his hands touched my hips
His mouth grazing my throat
With sensuous lips
We parted ways
And it thrilled me
My first time to meet
A man such as this one
And his kiss oh so sweet

What does love feel like?
It touched me once or twice
Grabbed my body, took it, twisted, flipped it up and threw it down
Power, amazement, sucked the breath from within
And when it left, there was a hole too deep not to see

What does love look like?
It has these eyes, fingers, legs, and body
Strong, full and wonderful.
It looks like two birds sitting close on a branch,
two old people sitting close on a bench,
two young people interwined on a bus.
Sometimes it is one alone in a restaurant
One alone on the grass staring at a stone that won't talk
One alone in a bar staring into a glass
This is also love-it is simply love that left or love that died or maybe it escaped.

When does love last?
It will last when it is real.
It is love when it has honored you.
Love is forever in our children
Love is forever in our parents
It will last in a true friend
Love will not fade with our God
It may be the lasting love when you find that one
The special someone who will not leave but honor you

That is how love should feel and what it should look like
and that is how you know it will last.

Screaming through the wind
Sun on the arms and warming the legs
Electricity makes the hair stand up and it’s only amazement
Earth in the air of the nostrils-breathe in and out
Clouds are the canvas to enjoy
So much beauty never noticed from a car
Sound coming steady the waves in the ears
Humming of an engine
Loud sexy low and steady purring like a loud cat
Legs gripping the big bike and squeezing its power
Flying arcing and moving along with an eagle or a plane
And all there is now is freedom
Free and fast the speed causes the breathing deeper and deeper
Sun and wind speed and sound
Those are the only things to feel
Looking up there is flight
Looking down at the road there is the sensation of falling
But the bike keeps the plane up in the air
Cares worries and problems are gone
No emotion and no fear just flight
The ride has taught me how to let go-

New love
at first sight?
Think it comes
Sometimes...
Once maybe-
In a lifetime.
Meet up-
Check out--
See face...
Then doubt.
What happened?
Talked on the phone?
Saw him...
But still alone...
Too picky?
I don't know,
Still trying--
To find a beau.

Away they go!

Trailing along behind their fathers,
clutching a hand-

Faces all excited-the weekend ahead-
a new adventure

As they leave I watch them
through the window...

My children-my future
The future

Weekend dads-gathering their
little bags

It's their time to bond
to talk, to catch up.

And this-is not the way
Not the way

The way I had planned
had dreamed

It would be

Broken families-mom's home,
dads gone, children confused

Or worse-used to this-used
to the way

The way they are...
Raised all apart

Apart from the home
they were meant to be in

A dad and a mom-living
as one

This is not-not the way
The way

I had planned it at all.

Standing in the doorway
my ear pressed to the wall
My straining ears could hear your words
When you made that awful call
I heard you speak her name
It froze me to the spot
My heart seemed to stop beating
And the pain felt like a shot
I knew that it was coming
But fear put me that close
And listening to your words
my mood became morose
Now trembling devastated
I stumble back and run
Away from you from her
The devastation done.

All this gloom
too much sadness
fills this room

I am so ready for the sun to come out!

Too much pain
brings a girl down
constant rain
paints on a frown

My mind's made up
I'm ready now
For the hurt to let up and the sun to come out!

It's time to feel
for joy to come
And lift my spirits

For my hurt to be gone
and a smile to replace it

Buoy my spirits
feel the change
the sunshine for once!
and not the rain

I am so ready for the sun to come out!

Waves of silence circling around,
surrounding everything
A deep ocean of suffocating noiseless notes
What I hear when straining to listen-nothingness
Quiet reverberates from these empty walls-
Rockets down the hallway
Slams into the ceilings, hurtles deep into
the pit of my stomach
Makes me weep, hurts the inner-most part of me-
this quiet, quiet house
No children's voices, no clatter of toys
no sounds of any kind
These weekends, in this silence I am alone now.
Immense this absence of sounds
Colossal the hushed words-words that no longer come.
They beat on my brain.
I can hear your voice.
And it's calling to me
Words to forget
Words to bury deep
Strangle the words, squeeze them till they pop!
Never hear the words again.
Never take them in-
I don't love you anymore
Anymore. anymore. never again
So quiet now-no sound, not a whisper
Only the sound of tears dripping.
Absence of breathing-of sighs, of
any sound of skin.
Only this aching silence, screaming loneliness-
Pressing in, pressing down.
Drowning me in it.
Making me silent, hushed, muffled-so
quiet.

That's the last time.
Is what he said
No more, we're done.
That's in my head...
Never again, we're at the end-
This thing is gone.
Now grieved, I send
My heart away,
To float above
And land I hope
With another love.
My old love sent it-
With a toss.
He knew it broke
He caused the loss.
So here we are,
Both stand and mourn
Beside the place
Where love was born...

It may be time to sing myself as Walt once did,
To say a bit about the me I am today.
What I’ve become in part due to the time, the marks, the pain.
To view the color jade, hear the quiet, and smell the walls that bear no mark.
And really feel the changing, merging, growing cells deep inside
It could be fine to muse the newest parts and see the lines.
Maybe allow the me that has become to walk anew and breathe this air.
And sing just like I am, this song I’ve learned by now…
The notes come out in such a way that I surprise myself-
I want to keep it and change nothing, no color, no sound, no smell.
This time the song has changed and for the good.
The notes are knowing, feeling, pregnant with time.
And the singers body full and made and formed
By hands that touched and found and knew and made the song
Is just the way I want, and who I am and why I sing this way-