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Bachelor Housekeeping

So, you meet someone special and convince them to come to your place.

Do you go in first and quickly shove those dirty socks under your sofa?
Is it a mad rush to gather up the dirty dishes in the living room?
What about that stinky tee shirt you wore to the gym that is on the bathroom sink?
Is your bed made, clothes hung up?
Do you have beer cans and wiskey bottles strewn all over your house?

Does your date need to sit on her coat because of the stains on your furniture?
Does she make crunching noises with every step or almost slip and fall?
Is she looking around with that "gawd, what pig stye" look?
Did she spend her first 10 minutes cleaning up your disgusting mess?
1

Doing The Dishes

I don't do my dishes everyday. I don't dirty enough to warrant that frequency.
I do rinse every dish and place it next to the sink. I wash them when I have at least a sink-full.
I don't have a dishwasher. I don't really need one because I don't have a problem with doing the dishes.
If I cook for her (I love cooking) I don't expect her to do my dishes and if she insists ~ I help.
I rinse twice with Hot water and let them dry on a drying mat. If you wipe dry, make sure the towel is clean.
When dry, put the dishes away where they belong.

If she goes for a dish in the cupboard and finds it caked with old food she is certainly going to be disgusted.
If you are boiling water for pasta and she sees old mac & cheese stuck to the bottom of the pot she is going to be disgusted.
I can't stress doing your dishes 'RIGHT' nearly enough.
2

The Kitchen

Dishes are only part of the kitchen. This is where you prepare food. It should be the cleanest part of your home.
You don't want to get sick do you?
Sweep and mop the floors. You don't need to mop everytime you sweep but at least have something to clean spills with. Mop about every 4 or 5 sweeps. I also have a mini broom & dustpan for small dry spills. I wash those too.
Wash off the horizontal surfaces with hot soapy water and a clean towel. Including the Fridge door and shelves.
Clean the stove and oven door as well. Wipe off the cupboard doors, appliances and fixtures.
Clean up the mess as soon as you make it.
3

The Bathroom

Next to the kitchen this is the room you want very clean. Clean your freakin toilet, man! Those stains in the back of the bowl that you aim for may be entertaining but she will think they are just gross! Don't forget the seat - she sits. Lift it and clean the underside too. An the base and the floor around the toilet. Make sure the toilet paper is on the roll dispenser. Over the Top is the only way. (Keeps your fingers from hitting the wall).
Clean the sink. Those manly hairs and toothpaste spittle stains may make you look like a charm but they are disgusting. Don't forget the faucets either...and the damn mirror. She will look in your mirror.
That tub, my gawd, that freakin tub. It sux so bad but ya gotta keep that thing sparkling. She is not gunna put her naked body in your tub if there are traces of your dirty a** all over it. Ya don't need to dress it up but at least make it look as good as you can.
The floor...Clean the rugs, mop the floor and wipe off the door handles.
Hang up your towels and wash cloths so they dry and don't stink. Tap the shower curtain to knock water from it so it doesn't mildew. If there is a window, have a curtain that closes or a blind. I have a LED nightlight in my bathroom for night calls. Helps a lot. Have some tea candles or scented candles for the tub. You will want them, believe me.
4

Entry Ways

Don't forget to wipe off the door knobs.
Sweep and mop it regularly, more when the weather dictates.
Keep the entry ways to your home organized.
If your home is clean, bend down and remove her shoes.
Take her coat and hang it up.
You will impress her if she walks on clean floors and is comfortable.
5

Furniture

There is furniture used when eating and there is furniture used when lounging.
Try not to mix them up.
Wipe up messes as soon as they are made.
Have coasters, table scarves and a bar rag handy.
In the living room where you will be entertaining, keep foods and drinks to a minimum.
If you are eating or drinking in there, take extra care.
Its okay for a man to dust every once in awhile.
If you have stains on your sofa or it is brand new, pick up a cover for it.
Keep your coffee table and end stands clean and organized.
Use lamps with low watt bulbs - gives great atmosphere while hiding problem areas.
Use air fresheners and scented candles.
6

Collections

If your motto is "I Collect Dirt" Change it...NOW.
We collect all sorts of things. Some on purpose and some by compulsion.
Keep your collections organized. An orderly collection of hunting stuff is better than a shotgun behind the sofa and a turkey call on your toaster.
Look at your movies and music. Do you have open cases with discs everywhere you look? Are books strew all over or do you have it all organized and straight?
Did she just get poked in the a** by a model dinosaur when she sat on your chair?
If you are dating (You are on a dating site...remember) you might want to hide some of those manly collectibles till you get to know each other better. Box up those skin mags and put them in a closet. If you do porn, put it out of sight until she asks to see some. Personally, I think porn is an indication that you have no imagination. OJT is a better teacher anyway.
7

Floors

Put it this way.
If you walk thru your home barefoot you should not stick to the floor, embed grit into the soles of your feet, stub your toes on debris, or have to scrape your feet clean to get in the shower.
Brooms are pretty simple to operate and they are operated along with dust pans.
If you can operate a broom, Mops are just as simple but need certain amenities to optimize.
A bucket of water and cleaning agent is used to remove the crud from your floor. That floor will be wet.
Don't walk on that clean floor till it is dry. If you mop yourself into a corner, use that time to ponder the task at hand for future reference.
You have two feet (most people do at least) so keep shoes and boots and your slippers together and out of the way.
That throw rug is designed to lay flat.
As a guy, we all want a vacuum cleaner with a V-8 turbo engine but those ones you can buy at Walmart work pretty good and are pretty simple to use. Think "Powered Broom". You gotta empty that place that gets dirty into the trash bin every once in awhile and the power cord gets wrapped onto it when you are done with it.
8

Trash Cans

Take out the trash when it gets full. If you don't recycle, crush cans, boxes and plastic bottles(put the cap back on) to save space. Six pack and 4 pack plastic rings are supposed to be cut so no animals will ever get stuck in them.
When you take out the trash - clean the bin. Spray some disinfectant or deodorizer in it before you put a new liner in it. If you don't use trash bin liners....Do SO. That is disgusting no matter if you are a man or a woman. Have some self-respect. They are not very expensive.
Most people like to keep their trash cans out of sight or tucked away somewhere. Get the garbage can off the kitchen chair. I know it makes it fun to make a basket but that is why they have basketballs and hoops.
If your trash can is by a wall, clean off the wall too. I use those Lysol wipes. They are in that isle in the store where they keep dish soap, laundry soap and other womanly wonders. I know it is unfamiliar territory but be brave. It is possible you might meet a woman there - just try to look like you know what you're doing.
9

Your Bedroom

Most men think of the bedroom when a woman comes to their home. Hey, we're men.
Pick up your clothes. If they are dirty - wash them and put them away. If you still got a day or two on them get some hooks, pound a nail and get them off the floor.
Have a lamp. Soft light is better than an overhead fixture anytime but low light sets the mood and can help you ready for sleep when you are alone. I use a LED night light - works great.
Keep your dresser clean and organized. You may know where everything is at but when she looks at it she sees confusion and disorder.
Keep s*xual amenities out of plain site. A woman you just got into your bedroom for the first time may not want to see that case of condoms with half of them missing right away. Keep your trash can empty too.
What woman wants to see some other woman's tampon wrapper in your trash?
Don't have pictures of your X in your bedroom...sheesh. If she is your X there shouldn't be any pictures of her anywhere except in old photo albums. Same goes for pics of your kids or anyone else's kids.
Have a nice air freshener. If you use cologne or powder don't over-do the spillage but some spillage is warranted. Your bedroom can smell like you as long as it isn't body fluids or sweat.
10

YOUR BED

Make it daily, Make it right.
Have at least two comfortable pillows with pillow cases or shams that match the linens.
Have two sheets; one fitted and one flat. Stains are not sexy, not a proof of your manhood or anything else. Make sure they are clean. The cleaner and softer the better.
Buy higher thread counts (yes, there is a thread count) above 400.
Have at least a blanket, quilt or comforter. The softer and puffier the better.
Flip your mattress once every other month. Replace the mattress when it gets saggy or every 5-7 years.
Vacuum your bare mattress when you change your sheets. Those vacuum things have hoses with attachments that makes this easy.
Build or buy a platform, don't just plop a mattress on the floor and call it done - you are not Conan the Barbarian.
Your bed height should be between your knees and your a**. Any higher makes it a chore to get in and dangerous to get out.
Your bed should tell her as soon as she looks at it that its comfortable. It should make her want to lay on it to see. Don't immediately jump on her. Enjoy the view and let her indicate she wants to see how it holds up to two people at once.

Even tho I am a man, I subscribe to personal cleanliness standards.
I keep my home clean not only to let my potential dates know that I don't need them to clean up after me
but also because I like a clean and healthy living environment.

A woman is not a personal slave to clean your messes.
She is a person just like you.
She deserves respect and grace.
Your clean home is one way to show her that, she, as a person, is important to you.
How can you respect another if you can't respect yourself?

Comments (2)

NOSTRUSonline today!
Wow simply wow in the worst way possible . It's like your setting the scene for a criminal investigation . You know where women get abducted and held against their will . The horror you portray from first was too much so I only read part way . I never knew men could be so utterly disgusting and I did see the inside of my sons student accommodation and it was pristine compared to what you describe. The other realisation is that dating sites may be a much more unsafe place to be than I ever imagined and yes I've imagined what I thought was worst........til now .
NOSTRUSonline today!
Crud crunch stains sweaty t-shirts........I couldn't read farther .. . No woman would enter unless handcuffed as in a horror film . It started to read like a crime investigation .....simply horror . Makes me realise how dangerous dating sites might be ......stay single is my motto .
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Created: Jan 2017
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