A few oldies........
THE ARROGANCE OF AUTHORITY
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.
He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher says, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.
"See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety.
The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge …… Show him your BADGE!"
...............
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
The wife stared at him.
'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'
..............
SIPPING VODKA
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
1. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
2. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
3. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
4. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a**.
5. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
6. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
7. David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
8. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his a**.
9. We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
10. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me”.
11. The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry”.
12. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
13. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.
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It is another long weekend here on the island and an extra short week as we have a Public holiday today (Heroes' Day ) then another one on Thursday (Labor Day).
Have an awesome day!
Bajanshay Blog (121)
I am so happy you are in my life. Love you so much! Thanks so much for being there and yes, I am going to rest now. 
