Never pissed off. I walk a different part of the city and I'm never pissed off.
Why do people have to behave so f*cking weird in cities?
But then again, who the f*ck am I to be surprised by weird. I just, dunno. I don't know.
There's some consideration to all this being a dream. And then I know, that some will try to ruin me. To betray me. People that do not talk yet see, they will claim once again for me to be of their property and will try to ruin me and my plans with jealousy and lies.
All you losers, all abusers, wasting all my precious energy.
They have won several times, will they win again? I mean, I'm a regular bloke, I get tired, I get tired sometimes. Even though my energy is eternal, I get tired at times. And that's when they attack.
I must say. It is a very romantic issue. The struggle. SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS, WAITING FOR MY SAVIOUR TO RESCUE ME, AND LIVE HAPPY EVERAFTER.
So you're gonna call me now? Why you keep f*cking calling my phone?
An object. I feel like a f*cking object. In constant tension. It's like both poles pushing and pulling until one day (very soon) I will say stop, cos I'll have to decide. Well now I'm not in a f*cking island anymore, so you can't control me anymore. And that f*cking scares ya, cos you know I might change you for someone else, and all that you think belongs to you by right, will now be given to someone that deserves it better. DEAL WITH IT.
I see a lot of people walking by, and they now create like this, 'beat', as they walk. And I see myself walking and realise I'm completely out of this beat. I'm in some other beat, not asynchronous but randomized in a very even way (way to go contradiction!) it's like when I wanted to find someone to get drunk with me and walk the streets of Finland in the night, singing and laughing. Does anyone want to get drunk with me and laugh in the streets of Finland?
I just keep rolling and all this has to be shared. For some reason it feels like someone's gonna murder me at any moment. As if I was begging to be assassinated. I will just fall asleep in the deepest and longer slumber. Flowing through a river. Becoming words and thoughts.
It's so easy, just don't think about the things you can never answer.
I am so fascinated about Buenos Aires. Here I can see it all. Wealth, poverty. Sad and happy. Mechanical and natural. Seen it all. I'm already there. And it all comes in the shape of people and in the shape of stories (which sometimes I can never reconcile, just like my karma)
I am close to get home. This is wonderful.
... I can't sleep at night. ???????????????????????????????????????
But if I knew that the sun will never rise like this, then I'd be really sad.
Now morning has broken and solarized the very brown part, the dark of my eyes.
No hay nada realmente que me diga qué tengo que hacer. O sea, no hay mapa, no hay plan que me de una idea. Por eso todo sale de esa fuente universal e ilimitada que tengo en alguna parte dentro de mi cráneo. Es simplemente eso; estoy perdido donde todos se encuentran, y me encuentro donde todos se pierden (y no es con intención de arañar romance en la antítesis si no que es así).
Supongo que hay algún concepto de universalidad paralela en mi existencia, algún tipo de omisión de lo mundano; cuando en realidad estoy más en contacto con el cosmos material mucho más que los demás. El truco está en fusionarlo, ¿entendés? El truco está en dejar las pelotudeces de lado y divertirse a costas de los que no.
Es cuando me enamoro de alguien o de algo (amo mi playstation), es entonces que no necesito ningún tipo de Fe, ni de palabras para definir a mí mismo. Porque cuando tengo esa fuerza, me banco todo. Me ato al mástil y espero que la tormenta pare.
¿Complejo de Mesías por qué? ¿Porque creo que ciertas cosas sí pasaron?
Yo creo que la mente tiene el poder de cambiar las partículas en el agua. Me parece boludo no creerlo (con el debido respeto que merecen los que pueden cambiar dichas estructuras moleculares, y densificar el agua, al punto de poder caminar sobre ella), porque escuché, o sea, me vino el rumor de arriba, de que era una mentira, que Jesús murió en la Crucifixión. Por supuesto que es así. Son todas mentiras que seguimos arrastrando, desde la historia. Mentiras del emperador Constantino para controlar nuestra mente. Pero yo digo desde mi humilde lugar, desde mi terrenal existencia como un guacho de sólo veintitantos años, digo que va a haber algo de Resurrección dando vueltas.
I've never seen so many containers in my life. I wonder what the f*ck is in them. And why do I never get to see boats being loaded with them? Why can't I never travel by boat and always have to travel by plane?
Why have I had a dream of a ring upon my finger?
f*ck YEAH, LOOK AT THOSE BOOBS.
There's this guy waving a danger flag. He swings along with it from left to right. He is unhappy yet resigned. He represents most of city culture, but to a more honest level. Just like the rest of us in the city, he finds happiness in resignation. He is about to die, yet hasn't lived at all. See? There's some kind of prophetic sense to some m**erf**ker on the street. Poor bastard. He's such a suffered bastard. I was taught I must love him, so I do. I won't wash his f*cking feet though, I think I would puke. Go wash your feet first, you motherf*cking c*nt! Then I'll wash them for you. DON'T BE SO f*ckING GROSS, FOR f*ck'S SAKE. I'M NOT A f*ckING NURSE.
Now that I think about it. Maybe I would wash his feet. LOL.
I made it to the office. Now I'm loaded with some f*cking energy. Cheers!
LUNDAGUR II
28 marzo 2011, a la(s) 19:38
Crowded. Buenos Aires. All of them. I could establish connection to almost all of them. I can easily socialise to any of them. Do you know how exhausting that is?
I am in love. I have been, for the last months. I am in love with life again. And life is to be lived. And love is to be kept and to be increased. Love is health.
These words are some sort of, celebration of life. This is my message; my surrender. All this is a surrender to the rest of the world. All things in the world are so big, so complex, that I just let them flow. You see, you complain about the world, hate people and go to therapy; and I go to have a cup of coffee with my mum to Quilmes,and chat about when I was a baby. I can't be bothered with the rest of the world. It's too big.
As winter gets closer and closer, my thoughts get brighter and brighter. I'm not saying there's anything about intelligence in them, but about the light that comes from within myself. The light that comes out whenever the sun rises.
There's no reality other than mine, because the sun set I have right in front of me (now to my right cos I just sat down), it is a witness. And something so big as a f*cking huge everlasting fire ball can't lie. It's just not possible.
For the last year, I have had several visions of the future. Some of them included people I know,some of them don't. See,yesterday I was told I was someone bold, someone riskful. And that made me feel good. I like indeed,taking risks. It's not all certainty with me. Risks are good. They HELP creating certainty, since the only thing that does not change when we take risks, is us.
I also like bold people. In fact, the reason why no one has never been able to catch my complete attention, is the lack of boldness, if that even is a word. I desire for people that speak their mind, however only encountered some that are fearful to do so.
I'm gonna go to a park and just sit there. And strike conversation with everyone I can. I think there is some sort of plan to it. And you will fear that possibility. That I will say hi and it will be like lighting a fuse. Because someone can become a significant person in my life. A new friend. A new partner in crime.
I'll be the first to toast to my soul.
I am bloody hungry, and almost to get home. I shall feast and celebrate life. Life is so necessary. Life is very necessary.
Now I am home, and I.m free.
LUNDAGUR, HAHA.
28 marzo 2011, a la(s) 11:07
It's so f*cking annoying. Yeah I find it f*cking annoying. My Buenosairean friends surely noticed; it's f*cking cold!
I have noticed I don't like transporting myself to places on my own. Maybe cos I roamed the f*cking Earth on my own for too long. Now I need someone to pull me out of my place. I'll go anywhere :)
Look at my old driving instructor, he's teaching a woman how to drive,I think he's a corrupted f*ck. And the smell from that perfume transports me to times of good and hope; but of course, it's my own perfume that I smell.
YOU SEE, COS I HAVE FOUND THIS SOLUTION TO THESE 'SCENT' ISSUES. Since perfumes transport me so much to times and feelings; whenever I feel the scent in someone, I go ask them. 'Excuse me, your scent reminds me of a beautiful time in my life, would you be so kind of telling me which perfume is it?' I've discovered it works amazing with girls, mostly when they say they're not wearing any perfume, to which I respond 'oh, so it's all you ;)'
And when it's a bloke, I just go ask them and they give me a weird look.
It's so f*cking cold. Some time ago I was living here with this swedish chick, and she could take cold as if it was spring. It was zero degrees and she would wear skirts, for f*ck sake. I never liked her, but that was so f*cking hot. I find it really sexy when girls can take cold as if it was nothing ?
It's a mix between my perfume and my shampoo; it all creates a honeyish sweetie atmosphere around my head area, so I whif it up my nose and causes me that state of mind where deep spiritual romantic connections build up in my brain, so perfectly fit, so destined to be, that it gives me an erection. There's gonna be a long, long road, one more time, I need to build up my fate.
Sometimes I like to cross myself in front of a church or an image of a Virgin, USING MY LEFT HAND. I know it's frowned upon and "wrong" but I've always been some sort of rebel. Not without a cause but because I.M f*ckING LEFT HANDED PEOPLE, HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO f*ckING DO IT?
I've always been the black sheep for some questions in life. I was born left handed. I was genetically planned to be part of a minority. I was born to be Part of the few who are different and do things completely opposite to what others do; because when you're left handed, everything is backwards, upside down.
Can anyone tell me if Frank & Hennes,or whatever it's spelled, is a decent shirt designer, to a shitty Dior level? See, I've found these shirts at a good price and I'd like to get my hands on a couple of those.
I have this thing with falling in love. It's morphine, falling in love is morphine. But the thing is,no one has been able to keep me in that state. Why blame me for that?
Oh, by the way; I.m wearing a leather jacket. I'm so cool. No, not really. i'm just another a**hole. Srsly peeps.
Last one of the Friday series. Now I have to stop because the memories are killing me. This is killing me, slowly and painfully. But it will all get back soon :)
Viernes III
25 marzo 2011, a la(s) 22:30
Deja vu all over again while I come back home. I can only focus so much when I'm on my way, not in the office.
Smells, night, city, silence. I have acquired the ability to mix and combine scents from people, from the environment, and make them become images in my head. There is a process going on in my brain, and it is about the connection to all that exists, good and bad.
Like I said before, it's about romance, and my romance is the suicide of all things as I know them. I am now going over a bridge so I decide I need to be reborn; see how f*cking easy it is?
The water. It smells like shit.
What the f*ck.
This bloke, jesus f*ck, he looks like a piece of shit (I guess that makes me an even bigger piece of shit, no joke), and yet he's got some scent that kicks me back to a place, London, no, f*ck no, HE TAKES ME BACK TO KEFLAVIK. What the?
I have condemned that f*cking place. I hate being reminded of it.
I'm always ALWAYS blamed/thanked by the people around me for speaking prophecy through my words.
There's something deep inside telling me that I have to stop. But not give in, or maybe give in. See, I don't have contact with many of the people that can read my signs better than me, so I do not know which way to turn.
I fear I will commit a sin.
There is no guidance towards my redemption. There is no real beacon pointing out where to go. So I shall come back to previous charts, maps from the past, that once told me (and still do) where to find my way.
Because you know? I need some certainty too. I need some security.
There's this man, to my left, that looks exactly like me when I'm older. Oh yeah,I'm gonna be a handsome m**erf**ker ? (haha not really, jk).
I always have to take the most difficult path. But it's made me grow so much,spiritually.
Twentyfirst century breakdown running in my veins while the f*cking bus takes a long time to get me home. But I do not worry because if I got home earlier then I'd be sanctifying love quests and speak words that are upside down, and reversed, backwards, only readable by mirrors and yet, not evil. How much of a f*cking Messiah complex is that huh??
My phone keeps beeping. Which makes it hard for me to type and not get distracted. I am soon to come home.
It was just a piece of glass that gleamed on the street, right? Right?!
So here's the second one. this one had a commetn from my best friend, who died two years ago, so i'm back to crying like a bastard. i need some closure and I don't know how.
Viernes II
25 marzo 2011, a la(s) 18:36
From the office window I can still see the clouds that make my soul vibrate in the same frecuency as the only visible stars at night. Strangely enough, the only few stars are polar ones, maybe not.
Weekend's coming over and there's a new precedent that the rest of the days will not be the same as they were. For some reason, I have this urge to connect. To connect always at a higher and higher level, however coming back to the basics.
Por más que intente de escapar de ello, de lo que me forma en esencia, no puedo. Y no es nada complicado, lo que me constituye, a veces son sólo comentarios sobre el clima, cosas así, medio raras, medio comúnes :)
Sometimes comments over the weather are the most expressive thing I have, they are suffered and happy, just like I am.
It is becoming everytime harder and harder for me not to express myself in Scripture-like texts. Am I going really really insane?
Again the questions about my fate; destiny and destination are always present in the process of decision making. This time I have more time, to make a decision.
Breeze keeps gently blowing for I can hear the window blinds dancing and shaking, autumn has arrived :)
With autumn comes decisions, with decisions comes changes, with changes comes problems, with problems comes solutions, with solutions comes romance. And with romance, comes love and happiness.
There is a deeper meaning to seasons, not only temperature changes and colours and shades.
Someone has to remind me that I need a shave tonight.
Buenos Aires, home home home.
There's nothing I can really define as a 'plan', you know? I need to get more signs, and more options. But yeah, I feel like in those days where only one hint would make me jump on a plane and get the f*ck out. But I don't wanna do that, see? I don't wanna get out. But yeah, I want something different. I dunno,I want something for good and for always.
I've got this powerful connection to the rest of the world and I want to start spreading it.
Stuck on a mind train, and I’m stuck in a bad frame...Give up, bet no way you know how to stop...and I’m made this way yeah.
All men have secrets and here is mine, so let it be known:
For we have been through hell and high tide
I think I can rely on you...
And yet you start to recoil
Heavy words are so lightly thrown
But still I'd leap in front of a flying bullet for you
... we shall meet, I know ––
After the things happening, I saw it. The visions came to me, of endless joy and happy days. Even my heart feels the innefable urge to pour in tears where my eyes catch a glimpse of, that pass under the train brige.. ¿Remember those times, M? ¿Remember those memories?
Iceland. Sweden. Green. Memories. Summer. Nature. Hopes. Loves. Stop. Please stop...
And of course, I always have to do these kind of things in order to set my brain free, helping it to release the exact and neccessary amounts of endorphines and other chemicals, forcing these hopes & memories to enter my bloodstream; to remind me of what I am made of, to make me want the things I once had, but never got.
At the same time Patagonia feeds this neccessity to have romance pour into my every minute. I am Argentinian. I am at home. I never need to leave home, yet the times I have lived pull my legs and my body into a state that I cannot deny: I am in love. In love with it all. In love with the hope to find it (her?) again...
Have you ever had that feelin that love passes you by in every corner in every street? I feel she is here, and there. The images inside my brain when I'm overdosed in life tell me the story of something about to happen. Fireplaces and love making are the essence to these dreams.
¿Will I ever get to make them true?
It's been exactly 8 years already, and I still can't seem to move on. Yeah, I move on, on the outside, new people, new relationships, but still no one that compares to her.
"I've turned away from you, and now I am Godless".
Shit man, how do you cope? How do you move on? Srsly. How? When?
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