Another sleepless night
I am in the second episode, of a yet unspecifically diagnosed illness.....last episode was about four months duration. last summer/fall ...this one is nearing the end of my second month.....severe leg pain...diagnosed as sciatica, but there is no clear cause of it.....severe pain....much worse at night..when I try and lie down...sleep does not come due to pain or cramps....or when fleeting sleep comes..I waken to brutal leg cramps and pain....as I did tonight..when finally about 2am or so I fell asleep...woke less than a half hour later to severe pain...I have taken my pills and using my TENS machine...and heat and A535 and many many tears yet again.......The pain, the sleeplessness...the altered ability to live one's life as normal....unable to work....unable to determine where the future is going.....feels like am in a mental vacuum......financial worries to maximum...and on and on......and trying to get through yet another night like this.....
Friends all try and call and say hi, how are you? But that wanes also....people are busy....and I wish I could say yes...am feeling so much better.....and truly there are some improvements but then BOOM a wicked night like this...when the pain is severe...and sleep is elusive....and fear looms.....fear of all the what ifs.......what if it's like this forever....what if friends and family tire and abandon....what if professional work once valued is no longer an option.....and what on earth is causing this...why can they not pin-point a specific cause and eradicate it.......
I am weary...beyond weary of pain...and sleeplessness....I no longer feel like I am myself.....am not sure who I am evolving into....but whatever the evolution is....I do not like it....scares me so much......
Am trying to keep positive...but nights....difficult painful...sleepless nights...are incredibly harsh....
I truly hope no one else has to go through anything like this....I would not wish this on anyone....
Thanks for reading my words......
Comments (7)
well whereas my problems do not seem as bad as your i do know where you are at.
it is hard to bare pain at the best of times but worse when you do not know why or want is the cuase.
i am in my fourth year of not working due to my illness.
at time i wonder why me????
however over the last year or so. i have started not to think about the why me thing and learn to deal with it,with a "it is meant to be atticude"
as for the sleepless night, oh boy they do get you down.
as for your pain (and this may seem hard) try and be with it rather than fighting it. when you go to bed lie on your back (or anyway that is comfortable)take a few deep breaths and then relax, listen to your breath, feel your breath, concentrate on your breath, count your breath.
if you are woken by the pain, dont get angery with it just acknowlege it as pain and return to the breath.
ok so it will not help much to start with but stick with it and it may well help.
it helps me so much. oh i still have many sleepless nights but many more good night too.
this is how i cope with all my problems e.g. no money, no work, no friends, and it goes on and on.... but that is the way it is.
may you have happiness and the causes of happiness
may you be free from suffering and the causes of suffering
best wishes
tiny
Once again..thank you for your kind wishes...means alot to me
A illness does cause a chain reaction, financial worries, job etc...
And being single we have the burden of these worries
What is important right now is "you" and if you have to keep returning to the Doctors do so as many times as it takes to get on that road of recovery
You will be in my prayers
Believe me when I say I know what you're going through,all we can do is try to not let it take us over.
Know that you are loved J and much thought of.
Hugs always
BB
I must say my family and friends have been beyond amazing.....don't even have words right now to express how I feel.....
I am hoping for some sort of specialist appt...neurology....to sort out specifically what is wrong with me...as you know....in the prairies...the wait list for anything medical is long....however...I am choosing to take things one minute at a time...or sometimes even one second at a time.....
Thank you all...and again I hope and pray none of you ever, ever , EVER has to go through anything like this.....
God bless my family, friends...and JAMIE!!!
Try going to back specialist an make sure you don't have a pinched nerve.
Another person had severe pain in their legs for years, he almost killed himself, the doctors gave him pain killer, but that didn't help much. After years, someone saw him and recognized that he had gout, the problem cleared up in days with medication.
Something to get tested for, you have nothing to lose, well, except your pain.
It pains me so to read how you have suffered with this condition. You have my daily and nightly prayers for healing and comfort.
I am not that far away, and anything I can do, just name it.
Your friend,
Scott