Never Thought I'd Be Here

Funny how we have dreams as children of what we hope for the future, and how differently things turn out. At my age I thought I'd have it all figured out and be happily married for twenty five years or more with that one life partner I dreamed of. Yet here I am feeling quite disillusioned as to what the future holds, and all I can say is I've grown a lot through everything mountain I've had to climb.

I adopted a little boy with Down syndrome and you know when I wanted him to have a forever family, I meant that with all my heart. Problem is I could not make someone else want the same things. Oh I wanted honesty and that team player who went above and beyond to make our marriage work. Thing is I woke up one day and realized I had no clue who I married. What was once up was now down, right was wrong, and the foundation shattered all due to a heap of lies.

Thing is I believe that attitude is truly what matters most no matter what crisis you face or what comes your way. I'm learning to live one day at a time and trying not to focus too far ahead. I love sharing my life, but for this very moment I enjoy quiet moments when the children are sleeping, or moments of chaos when the green light goes on and the phone rings. I swear kids just know if there is a time they can take advantage it's when the phone rings. LOL Yet I love them dearly and my life sure would not be the same without my loved ones.

So here I am wondering will I ever get it right at my age? Will that ship ever come in and is there ever a safe harbor. I've always believed you get out of something what you put in, but boy sometimes you just can't change others and that may mean letting go. Yet as one door closes, a new one can open. So here is to new paths, new horizons, and the acceptance that I AM here and I'm still hoping to one day find that one special person who'd give his heart and soul for that forever family and life. Sounds a bit cheesy, but it's straight from this ol heart.