Decorating my garden

Awhile back a friend posted a poem (on another site) and in the poem it talked about decorating your own garden. Its been awhile, I havent been able to decorate my own garden for a long while and I missed it. It wasnt so much about decorating your own garden but rather refered to decorating you own life, ya know doing things for you, like making your house attractive for you and not in anticipation or for someone else.

Today I got back to decorating my garden. It felt good. I realized how much I missed doing that. Now part of the reason I havent been able to decorate my own garden has been due to finances, I was in between stable jobs having left graduate school searching for a decent paying job in this economy. I finally found one job that appears to be relatively a go, tho I have a couple more months on probation having just recently started pretty sure things will be just fine so long as there are no budget cuts etc. I am still looking for a better paying job, or a part time position to supplement my income and help take care of some of the garbage left behind from my divorce and going to grad school. But things are finally beginning to look up. Anyways up until now I hadnt really had the means or felt I was able to do much decorating of my life. Then to be honest tho I started for a lil bit there was some emotional things that occured that made me not really feel up to doing anymore decorating of my life.

I had started one job and it became extremely stressful and eventually I was let go. I know that a large part of it really had nothing to do with me but the attitudes of a few select persons but it is still really hard to get thru. It seemed no matter how hard I tried, how well I did these few were doing everything in their power to sabotage my success. It was a hard pill to swallow and one in which I wish I had been forwarned about - it wasnt until the last couple of weeks that I had found out that I wasnt the first one to have gone thru this with these folks and it may have changed my decision as to whether or not I should have accepted the position in the first place or the manner in which I tried to deal with these people. Anyways when the end finally came near it was a mutual decision that this was not the right place for me.

Then during this timeframe I found out my father had had a heartattack. He lives a bit of a distance from me and we have only recently reconnected. I was scared and worried about him and emotionally it was very difficult to have him where he is at and not be able to help him thru this. We are still talking and he has agreed to come stay with me but he wants to do it in his own time frame and i understand that but worry between now n then. He is constantly on my mind and in my prayers . . I just want to have him get to know his grandkids and I want to be able to be there for him. I am the only one who really will or can care for him and it is hard waiting for him - tho now I have set a timeframe by which if he doesnt get here I will lasso him here. Thankfully where we live now is agreeable to him, he refused to move to the South where we were at :)

Anyways during the same time frame I reconnected with someone I thought was very special but then he went poof. It was hard to understand, still is but I am accepting things the way they are. I didnt move here for him and I will continue to do what I need to for my family.

So today, the last couple of days I am getting back to decorating my life Starting to put together my oldest daughter's room. Painted a couple of benches a nice apple green she had picked out. Planning on a couple of refurbishments to her dresser - painting it white and apple green. Then all she will need next is a white metal bed frame, some curtains to match and her room should be pretty set to go. I am getting back into cooking and baking something I slacked on this summer. Decorating my life, my world