There is no joy in Limbo Town

OK, I'll admit it. I'm a relative n00b (man, I hate using l33t speak) to the online dating scene. I've been trying various internet matchmaking services for the past 3 months, and I've been on one date.

Being a thorough individual, I made sure to hone my profile to be easily readable, entertaining, and above all truthful to the type of man I am. I'm not the type of person who places blame on other people; however, I am the type of person that will share what frustrates me to others.

Stop me if you've heard this one before. You see a picture or profile that strikes your fancy. You read the profile and decide if it meets your specifications. You cross check the other person's profile to make sure you meet their specifications. You analyze all the data and make a decision to send a message.

While writing the message, you make sure to gently compliment the subject. Perhaps you even make a joke or two. You point out the things you liked about their profile. You ask questions when necessary or when it feels appropriate. You express your interest to that person and let them know that you would like to communicate with them further. You painstakingly proofread the message for spelling and grammar errors. You decide that you are happy with the message and hit the "Send" button. What happens next?

Welcome to Limbo Town - Population: 99% men

Now, I'm not saying that there aren't ladies in Limbo Town. I'm sure there are, but in the online dating game, it's women who hold all the cards. Even more so than in the real world. Before I go on, let me explain Limbo Town.

Limbo Town is the place you go when a person has read your message and you haven't received a response. Everybody accepts a trip to Limbo Town, but everybody hates Limbo Town. Limbo Town is kind of like a Bus Stop in the middle of nowhere. There's no bookstore, no StarBucks, not even a snack machine. All that's there is a dilapidated ticket booth, a hard wooden bench, and a flickering flourescent bulb.

I understand that no one is checking their account all day long everyday. Or maybe they are taking time to compose a good response. I don't really have a problem with the communication delay. What irritates me is when someone reads your message and has no intention of communicating with you and allows the message sit in their inbox until the Server Gods delete it.

I'm sure most of you all have been in this situation. We accept it as part of the "game". I know that no matter how many messages I put out there, I will probably only acheive a response percentage of 1-2% which includes positives and negatives. Sending people to Limbo Town is one of the main draws to online dating. People don't feel guilty about ignoring someone. I'm not saying that everyone needs to write a response saying, "Thanks, but no thanks," to all their potential suitors; however, if you read the message, decide not to respond and then delete the message from your inbox, 99% of people will understand this gesture, appreciate it, and respect you for it.
Unfortunately, I don't think most people will have the courtesy to do that.

I understand that it is difficult to reject someone (although not as difficult as being rejected); however, keeping someone in a circling pattern is worse in my opinion because you are creating anticipation and then delivering pain. It's simple physics. What would cause more pain? A 20lb weight being dropped from 4 feet or from 40ft? The force is greater from the longer distance because it has had more time to generate momentum.

All that being said, people shouldn't be afraid of causing pain of rejection. That is going to happen. What we all need to do is avoid prolonging and amplifying that pain. As the self-proclaimed Mayor of Limbo Town, I implore everyone to delete messages from their inbox as soon as they decide they don't want to communicate with that person.


THAT IS ALL