The Levels of Online Dating Part III
So you've got a good profile and you've written a decent First Contact message. You look in your inbox and you see a response. Welcome to Level 3!Level 3 - Secondary Contact
It's exciting to see that new message in your inbox, but slow down there, Tex, and make sure you have a measured and appropriate response! The pressure is off a little bit because you've gotten through the toughest phase. You got through all their primary defensive mechanisms and got an express ticket out of Limbo Town. The road ahead is easier, but you must still proceed with caution.
Carefully read their message - I have on occasion received "Thanks, but no thanks" messages. This is why you have to make sure and read it before you shoot off a reply. Also, if you asked a question in your previous message you need to see if they answered their question so that you don't ask them the same thing at a later time (not doing so makes it look like you aren't a good listener). If they asked you a question, you need to make sure and answer them in kind.
Gently encourage going to the next level - You want to keep this message brief as well (unless they've asked you to go into detail about something), but you're whole purpose with the Secondary Contact message is to encourage them to go to level 4 which would be the online chat. Suggest a day and time when you could both be online to chat. The online chat features on most dating sites are pretty good; however, 90% of all the chats I've had are on Yahoo IM. If you don't have a Yahoo IM account, I suggest you get one.
Level 4 - The online chat
Honestly, when I first started online dating, I was against the online chat, but now I've learned that it is a very valuable tool. I think the chat feature appeals to women because they are still anonymous. They haven't given you any personal information (i.e. phone number) so they feel a little safer. It also gives them the chance to interact with you in real time. They can evaluate a man's wit and intelligence by the quickness and quality of his responses. Here are my tips for the online chat:
Don't engage in multiple chat sessions - This can lead to disasterous results. I've heard stories of people trying to chat with multiple people for multiple purposes (i.e. IMing a co-worker and IMing a possible date) and writing the wrong thing in the wrong chat box. Sometimes the results were humorous and other times not so much...
Try and avoid multitasking - The temptation to send out e-mails and check the news websites while chatting online is almost irresistable, but remember this is a real time interaction with someone. You need to direct all your attention to the person. Multitasking while chatting with a potential mate is equivalent to being on a date and then talking on your cell phone the entire time.
Keep it light and flirty - Keep your conversation on the lighter side. Flirt. Have fun. Gentlemen, please be sure to remain gentlemen. Don't try and turn a fun interaction into a XXX throwdown cybering session. You would be surprised at how many women I've chatted with have told me that once a guy hits the 5 minute mark, they start asking for naked pics, or try to engage in online shenanigans. Seriously guys, throw away your "Playas Guide to Online Dating". It's only going to get you into trouble.
Gently suggest moving to Level 5 - Level 5 is the phone conversation. If the person has responded positively to the chat, then give them your phone number first. Don't ask for theirs. It's all about trust. If they like you and trust you, they'll call you. Let them decide whether or not to go to the next level.
END OF PART III