The Levels of Online Dating Part II

Level Two - First Contact

This is another crucial step in the online dating process: The initial message. When most people receive a message, they usually check your profile. That's why you need a decent profile. If they don't like what they see there, they probably don't finish reading your message. If they see something they like in your profile, that's when they'll carefully read your message and decide whether or not to respond. Here are some tips on making that first contact lead to the other levels of online dating.

Read their profile - Most dating sites make this very easy and put the profile where you can read it when you make that First Contact message. In your initial message, you need to show some commonality and by carefully reading their profile will help you do that. Remember, most people are seeking someone similar to them. There are a few people looking for exact opposites or exact copies, but most folks are attracted to people who are like them. It's OK to point out where you might differ from one another, but only if it is something lighthearted like a sports team rival or musical genre. Don't come out and say you're Pro-Choice to someone that wrote in their profile that they are Pro-Life.

Brevity is the soul of wit - A lot of people will tell you that a lengthy message shows a lot of forethought and sensitivity. I don't think so. I've had more success with brief, flirtatious messages rather than long, insightful manifestos. You have to think of your First Contact message as being equivalent to a pick-up line. The advantage you have is that you actually know a little bit about the person and have more than a few seconds to think of something to say.

Have a decent subject line - Using just "Hi" or "What's up" will immediately get you eliminated if the person is on the fence about what you wrote in your profile. You need to use something that draws them into reading the rest of your message. I usually begin a sentence and then finish the sentence in the first line of the message. I also try to be humorous.

Proofread your message - You don't want to come off looking like an imbecile. Check your spelling. Use proper pronounciation. Avoid using too much text speech. Again, the First Contact is going to be your first impression. Do you really want to look like a middle-schooler?

Other tips - Try and be funny: Most people are looking for someone with a sense of humor. Don't over compliment: Everyone likes a compliment, but don't overdo it. It makes you look desperate or shallow (if complimenting their looks). Ask a question: It seems like a cheap tactic, but if you have a question about them, ask it. They might be compelled to answer you. Be polite: Showing courtesy and using "Please" and "Thank you" will only be rewarded. Let the person know that if they don't decide to respond that there are no hard feelings. All these things will make for a better online dating community.


END OF PART II